as they stand, jiaoqiu holds onto therion. he's thin and wiry, but pretty strong, maybe deceptively so. he's not going to be winning any arm wrestling contests for sure, but he is present, and his grip isn't feeble. for a moment, before he steps into the tub, he just stands, gripping at therion's arm. he's careful not to dig his claws into therion's skin as he kicks his shoes and pants off. underwear can stay. not like therion hasn't seen him naked, but the idea of being physically naked on top of everything else makes him nauseated.
there's something in him that is wildly uncomfortable with this, with letting therion this close in multiple ways, but - he doesn't stop it from happening. he doesn't stop himself from reaching, from holding on. in fact, he moves a little closer even, resting his head against therion's shoulder briefly. maybe it's survival instinct, which is funny because he's pretty sure he lost that a long time ago, or maybe it's something else. his head is absolutely not in the right place to sort through why he stays. but it is trust. it's trust the same way that therion allowed jiaoqiu to see his back. he recognizes that much.
the water is hot. he does like it scalding, and he knows that it is because he can see the steam. he likes that therion knows, and there's another crunchy, horrible feeling in his chest. ice cracking, glass shattering, the sound of tires backing out over a dirt path. gritty. things that would be painful if the object in question wasn't inanimate. a beat, and he drags in a breath that sounds a little painful, ears pinning down against his skull. and then he lets go of therion and climbs into the tub.
he actually mutters ow when the water hits his skin. he's cold, and it kind of thaws him out. ]
[ the dig of his hands into his arms doesn't bother him. neither would the claws - it wouldn't be the first time he's worn scratch marks from jiaoqiu somewhere on his body - but they never come. he just lets him cling onto him, holds very still - sucks in a soft breath when his head touches his shoulder, but says nothing of it. it gives him the briefest second to look at him, his expression complicated, brow knit, before he turns his head away again properly and supports him into the tub.
he pulls the curtain shut for him with finality afterwards, and thank god for it, because it gives therion a second to just - compose himself. to do something. to try and understand the thousands of feelings rattling around in his ribcage, a mix of negative and positive and heavy, so, so heavy that he's not sure how to hold it. he takes a silent breath, still holding the shower curtain, frozen in a moment of decision.
jiaoqiu's little "ow" gets him to mutter - ] 's what you get. [ just loud enough to be heard, a little hysterical if he barely shows it. there's a beat of quiet. of shower water hitting porcelain hitting a soft body. silence.
he thinks about how easily he could fall, drifting out into nothingness. about the need to be anchored. and how fucking bad therion of all people is at being an anchor.
and then there's movement - just visible through steam, the silhouette of lifting his arms, blurry and not quite there, and then, and then -- and then the shower curtain opens again, this time with a little less finality, and therion slips in quietly behind jiaoqiu, his heart thudding hard with his choice, also only stripped down to his underwear. he's willingly trapping himself in here (he's going to help, clumsily and stupidly, but he's going to help.) if jiaoqiu says anything about it he might die, so luckily he can't acknowledge too much beyond the fact that the first thing therion says is a hissed, ] -- Fuck.
[ he figures that'll be the end of it, and that therion will abscond off somewhere, and that's fine. he did say that therion could go. he's not in any danger, theoretically. the curtain shuts, and jiaoqiu just stands in the spray and lets the water hit him. only slightly tilts his head so that he doesn't drown himself. that crunchy glass feeling gets worse, and his fingers trace the bandage therion clumsily put over the bite mark on his hand. he'll need to make sure it doesn't get infected, probably.
therion will leave, and come back when jiaoqiu's mask is back in place, and it'll be the same as ever.
only, the shower curtain opens again. jiaoqiu startles, giving therion a wide-eyed look. he almost does say something about it, but then there's that little fuck as therion gets blasted by hot water, and jiaoqiu laughs. it's small, and a little gaspy, but it's a laugh.
and after a moment, he shifts, blocking therion off from the worst of the spray. he can't turn around, he doesn't think either of them would handle that well. but he does lean back, and he rests his back to therion's front, tail shifting to slink down out of the way the best it can. carefully, one hand comes back around to rest on therion's arm, keeping him where he is.
maybe therion thinks he's bad at being an anchor, but jiaoqiu has been so lost at sea for so long that even something just floating by is a relief. ]
If you need me to turn it down... [ he says, with a half smile, closing his eyes. ]
[ he immediately has the completely feral urge to just fucking bite him for having the gall to say that. shut up!! he's embarrassed, and there's a lot happening here, and the water was startling, not unbearable, but there's no defending himself in a way that's not like, stupid, so he does not bite him but he does kind of put his teeth in his shoulderblade. he's not tall enough to reach his shoulder. ]
Shut up, furball. [ GRUMBLING
this kind of normalcy helps! it helps. because this is something he's never actually done, shared such an intimately vulnerable moment with another person - even just down to sharing a shower. (part of this is because he's never actually lived somewhere with a shower that had more than two minutes of hot water, but that's besides the point.) so it takes a second, but he brings one rough hand around and sets it on his hip and just leaves it there, letting the hand on his arm stay.
...staying, himself. an unusual thing to say the least. therion's a ghost in his own right - sometimes he skips town for days at a time, vanishes in and out of the city just to be somewhere else, but for the moment, he's settled here, and... for the moment, it seems like maybe jiaoqiu's starting to come back to earth, too. so. maybe it's worth it. he got him to laugh. if he'd been paying more attention and not spazzing out, he might've seen that genuine smile, too, but that laugh will stick in his head hours from now, and though he'll berate himself internally about it, that won't make it go away.
god. therion exhales out because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with himself at the moment, sort of a grumbly sigh like he is deeply put upon - a gesture by now that jiaoqiu likely knows is bullshit. ]
[ the gnawing amuses him. makes him feel fond, which he knows is dangerous. this is a bad idea, it's such a bad idea. he cannot attach himself to someone who has no strings. these meetings, these times that therion shows up to steal his food and push him down into the armchair, they're bad for his heart. one day, there will be a time that therion does not come back. it'll be the last time, and jiaoqiu won't know for sure until it's been years, until he finds a news report or a gravestone or even worse, nothing at all.
he knows better than to overeat, but he's starving, and he can't help but grab for more and more, even though he knows it's going to make him sick, that it's going to shock his body.
jiaoqiu rests his hand on top of therion's. he listens to therion grumble, and his fingers clench a little, like he wants to slide them between therion's on his hip, but he doesn't. the water is hot and he is present, which is new, considering the date. most times, this date is a blur from start to finish.
very softly, like he wants the water to drown him out: ]
[ bit by bit, between the shower water and time passing, therion settles more firmly in place. selfishly, the shower itself is fucking amazing, and that's what he can tell himself. he can stay here like the parasite that he is, taking and taking and taking. this isn't any different.
(even if it is. even if really, he's here, taking care of jiaoqiu, not because he feels like he can take from him, or use his hot shower. he's here taking care of jiaoqiu because he couldn't watch him melt into the background like he was made out of spun sugar.
"Therion, it's nothing personal! Never was. Sentimental berk, aren't you? Always were. Not much fitting for a tea leaf."
the worst feeling in the world is ever feeling like darius was right. because he is sentimental, and you'd think he'd learn, but therion never does. )
he's shaken out of old thoughts, scattering memories - the feeling of falling, always tugging at the back of his spine - when jiaoqiu speaks again, so soft he has to pay closer attention, and just like that, the past fades away. it feels hard to talk, swelling like a balloon in his throat, and eventually, he nods against his shoulderblade, minute movement. his hand curls against his hip. ]
... yeah. [ it comes out more like a grunt, barely full syllables. giving more than that feels dangerous. ] You got the stuff for it?
[ really, he should wash his hair and his fur, but he doesn't. he just rinses the dirt off, stands in the heat for a long time, until his skin is pink and shiny to match his hair.
obviously he has no idea what therion was thinking about, but he recognizes the way a person looks when they're a little lost in it. he's not the only one haunted by old memories, he sees. but jiaoqiu is patient, and he's steady, now. he leans a little more against therion, skin to skin, and his ear flicks in the water just enough so that it splashes therion a bit. on purpose, just to make him grumble. this is the most intimate thing they've ever done, jiaoqiu thinks absently, and that's saying something, considering he very intimately knows what therion's dick looks like at this point. romance. ]
I suppose I'll see when I get there.
[ he usually has a full fridge, so he'll figure something out. the other meaning isn't lost on him, though. ]
You won't need to lift a finger. I've inconvenienced you enough today.
[ yeah he probably should get clean for real. frankly, it might make a good distraction, which therion may need once he gets overwhelmed from all the intimacy, because this is a lot of intimacy for someone who usually runs the fuck away from it as fast as possible, but right now he seems to be holding steady. he doesn't pull back, and though he's still a little tense, it feels more like it's winding down from where he was in full stress mode like five minutes ago.
he stays steady to be leaned against, feet planted, cheek still kind of tucked against his shoulderblades, fitting well despite his height. that, and jiaoqiu does get a little noise when he gets water flicked in his face - therion reaches up and pulls his hair like a five year old with his free hand in response to it, and the last comment gets a brief pause. ]
Yeah, yeah. 's whatever. [ kind of a bitchy way to say that he's not inconvenienced. it took his night away from... what, wandering around? picking locks? it's fine. he... would rather be here, even though he hasn't yet admitted that to himself. ] You can pay me back by not smelling like wet fox while we're in the same space.
[ a little hum, which sounds a bit like a purr. foxes don't purr but i don't care. it's meant to be somewhat comforting, because he can still feel a little bit of that stress in therion's form, and he feels a little bad about it. not enough to pull away, because there's something very nice and comforting about his face pressed against his shoulderblades like that.
the exhaustion is winning out, though. the thought of washing his own hair and tail makes him want to lay face down in the tub, but he'll do it. and speaking of hair, when therion pulls it, jiaoqiu thwacks his wet tail against therion's leg, like a brat. ]
But I am a wet fox... [ he says, with just enough of a teasing lilt to it. ] The bottles are behind you, if you'll hand me them.
[ he could turn around and reach for them, but he thinks if he faces therion both of them will bolt. woof. ]
Ugh -- [ GROSS he immediately smacks at his shoulder when he hits him with his tail?! it's so WET. also he's five and can't just let go which means in any other situation it could turn into a slapfight.
thankfully, the distraction of the bottle grabbing is enough to keep that from happening. ]
Yeah, and you smell. [ rude. he turns back - the hand on jiaoqiu's hip stays - and squints at the bottles through his wet hair, then picks out the one for his tail and ears and hands it to him. the other one...
he doesn't hand it over right away, but jiaoqiu'll hear the sound of the bottle flicking open, and as his hand pulls away from him, finally, it comes up. hesitates, hovering briefly in the air, and then eventually, therion reaches up and finds his wet side braid, then starts to undo it with clever, soap slicked fingers. once again, he says nothing about it. ]
And after I've been so polite about how you smell... [ metaphorically pulls his pigtails back
for whatever reason, he's not expecting therion to stay in the shower with him? he figured therion would hand him the bottle and then get out, but... he stays.
this is not a problem in the least. jiaoqiu pauses, when he feels the fingers in his hair. he does not move, holding the bottle for his tail and ears with both hands like a dingus. therion can't see his face, but he'll see a bit of a flush creep up the back of jiaoqiu's neck, something unrelated to the heat of the water. he wants to tease, but he knows that if he does, therion will stop, so he doesn't. he wants this.
which means that he opens his mouth stupidly, and then closes it before looking down at the bottle in his own hands. he's just kind of frozen in place, like a prey animal, letting therion undo his braid, touch his hair in a much gentler way than usual, in a way that isn't yanking it or shoving it back out of his face. his heart pounds on his chest. the water thudding against the tub is so loud. ]
I... [ he starts, maybe a little abruptly, because he thinks act natural, don't act weird or he'll stop, but then he can't think of anything to say and so it's just really all lame. the flush gets worse. ]
anyway. he makes a sarcastic “ha ha” to the pigtail pulling, but by now he’s already committed and there’s no turning back from it, so. the little side braid gets undone, on one side and then the other. and then… well… he just has to keep going, so… he does. he puts himself in the mindset of “I’m doing this because it’s more convenient, he’ll take too long and I’m hungry” as if any of that was true, and scrubs his fingers through jiaoqiu’s hair. it’s not as gentle as it could be - his nails dig into his scalp, a little, and he has to stand on his tiptoes to get to the crown of his head, which puts him at eye level with the flush at jiaoqiu’s neck.
…which. he hears jiaoqiu starting to talk and feels himself turning pink, and not from the water. he just cuts him off before he tries to stumble through saying something mostly because it will save the both of them, and grumbles - ] Lean down.
[ you’re too damn tall and he is also flustered. ]
[ the unfortunate thing about this is that digging his fingers in feels good. they're so close that it's impossible for therion to miss the way his tail wriggles a bit when therion really gets in there at his scalp, the way his shoulders ease down from his ears. the two of them haven't ever been gentle, so why start now, right? it's not like jiaoqiu deserves any sort of softness, anyway.
and thankfully, therion cuts him off. that works, that definitely works. he lets out a shivery little breath, and then does, in fact, lean down to let therion keep working.
absently, he opens the bottle he's holding so that he can busy himself with washing his tail. he pulls it around himself and thoroughly picks all the mud and grime out of it, head tilted at a weird angle to let therion get at his hair. he could've sat down for this it would've made his life so much easier, but now he's dedicated to this because he's flustered.
somewhere in the middle of this, he absently reaches from his tail to therion, running his fingers over whatever he can reach. kind of like he's making sure that he's real. ]
[ not the tailwag... cute.... thats me, not therion. therion passingly notices it but he's in his own head enough that he doesn't say anything about it. there's something sort of methodical about helping someone else wash their hair, and though he's fairly mechanical about doing it, that doesn't mean that he's not careful. he avoids his ears to keep from fucking them up, because he does not even begin to understand how fur care works but can get the sense that he probably shouldn't get shampoo in there, but otherwise massages his fingers into his scalp and runs the soap through his long hair. thorough.
he's not really expecting to be touched. his arm's right there since he's reached up - his skin's hot from the too hot shower, but it still pebbles up into surprised goosebumps at the awfully delicate stroke of his fingers. prickly, as usual, and a firm reminder that this is brand new territory, to just be - touched, casually, in a way that isn't in harm. god. it makes something squirmy curl up in his stomach and therion determinedly ignores it, embarrassed at himself and mad at himself both for having an Emotion as he gives another light tug of his hair. ]
Rinse.
[ there. god. he goes to stick his hands under the spray and clean them off so he's got something to do. a ]
[ by the end of it at least he smells really good! it's probably something faintly floral, maybe even something incense-y. whatever it is, it's much better than the mud and nasty wet fur smell, and he's like, thoroughly clean, thanks to therion. he will rinse.
and once he's done, kind of just like... instinctively, he rests a hand on therion's side, petting him. part of him says he should reward therion for helping him by dropping to his knees, but - he thinks about therion batting his hands away earlier. a pause, and then instead, he slides a little closer and just. gives therion a hug? doesn't say a word. just hugs him, and fully expects therion to freeze up or push him or yell. that's okay.
if he's going to be indulgent he might as well just be indulgent. tomorrow he'll go back to normal, and none of this will have been real. ]
[ jiaoqiu's read on therion is right more often than not, in that the hug does surprise him. he does tense up at first, hands uselessly curling in the air behind his back for a second as he process what's actually happening. has he ever been hugged? not really, not beyond the occasional companionable arm thrown over his shoulder, but that was a long, long time ago.
and this, this is different than that. this is something - tender. this feels like a gesture of... gratitude? a gesture of need? the way he reaches out to pet him, the way he reached out to touch his arm, all of these little, surprising gestures have stitched together enough that he should have expected this. and yet! it throws him off guard enough that he stands there, stupidly, cheeks pink from the water and from something else entirely, traitor heart thudding hard in his chest. and eventually. so, so slowly, he sets either of his hands on his back and looks over his shoulder, staring at the wall and unsure how to even function properly in this moment. he's not exactly made for comfort.
(and it's not... bad, it's not - there's some part of him that wants to crawl into this and hold on tight, but he's not even aware of it.)
but still, he thinks of that off planet behavior from before, and how it's finally started to settle. and slowly, he plunks his forehead, just so, against his shoulder, and mumbles: ]
...water's gonna get cold.
[ probably not the reception you want from getting a hug, but the fact that he didn't absolutely sprint the other way is a deeply positive sign, so, that's just going to have to be enough. unfortunately he is awkward. ]
[ it's a little of both, gratitude and need, though jiaoqiu doesn't quite register it as something he needs. he does, but it's so very hard to even think of himself as something that has the ability to have desires. he reaches for therion because he does not think therion has had physical contact that is nice in a long time, and he thinks that if he were someone who could want things, that'd be something high on his list. they have both used each other for roughness so much that even someone blind could see it's a replacement for kindness.
even past that, though, he's a healer. healing comes in a lot of ways, and sometimes it isn't food or medicine that fixes things. it is in his nature to give, even when he can't pull together the effort for himself. like if he could get the knife just a little further into the jar, scrape the last little bit of substance out. don't waste it, now. use everything you're given. there's still some use before you recycle it.
he's wandering again, he thinks. so when therion settles, jiaoqiu hums, dragging a warm palm up therion's back and resting it there. this is good. this is good enough, and he is content. ]
It stays warm for a surprisingly long time. [ is his answer. but, after a moment, he pulls away, and he's got that placid smile on again, but. he's not lifeless. there's color in his cheeks and he's present. ]
Thank you. We can get out. I wouldn't have you suffer wet fur smell any longer than necessary.
[ threateningly waves his tail again like he's gonna smack him with it ]
[ yeah, yeah it is kind of nice, even if it makes therion feel like he's absolutely going to buzz out of his skin. he's caught between knowing that this is a bad idea and desperately wanting to lean into it. constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, one way or another. nothing nice can stay. not when you don't deserve it. not when all you've ever done is steal it. it will stab you in the back when you're least expecting it.
though, this...whatever this is between them isn't necessarily all that sweet. this moment is an anomaly, a strange, out of time moment as jiaoqiu was out of time just barely half an hour ago. it'll go back to normal when this is over, and it'll ... be fine. it'll be fine. he's not placed his trust here. not yet. (or, well. he has, in some ways, but he's not looking it directly in the eyes.) the warm palm up his back makes him want to desperately lean into it and run away as fast as possible all at the same time, and though he doesn't exactly relax, there's a tiny, subtle shiver when he runs his hand up his back like that.
it's something of a relief when jiaoqiu pulls away, as he dips out of the way of the tail wave and out of his immediate reach, slippery as a snake, stepping out of the tub as he pulls the curtain back. ]
One of these days, karma's going to spray you with a skunk.
[ rude? but there's zero heat. therion is soaking wet even if he wasn't that far underneath the water, his hair plastered to his face, and he plucks up a towel off the rack and toses it at jiaoqiu, and then uses the other to towel himself off. ruffling it over his face, jiaoqiu can just see the point of something discolored underneath his long bang, and then it's gone again, covered by cloth and hair alike. he feels... weird. good? reassured? terrified? it's a complicated and messy tangle of something or other that he keeps off of his face for now, frowning underneath the terrycloth to himself to keep his usual, cool guy composure. ]
[ there's a huffy little laugh from jiaoqiu as therion climbs out of the tub.
he takes the towel when it is tossed at him, and starts drying himself off. these are heavy duty towels, because he's got so much fucking fur, so they take forever to get actually wet. super absorbent. as he's doing this, he catches that little discoloration under his bangs, and pauses. doesn't mention it, because he's sure therion doesn't want to talk about it, but... there's that little twisty feeling again. he thinks about strays. he thinks about feeding the cats and dogs in the neighborhood, about leaving meals three times a day for them. thinks about the way most of them hissed or growled at him if he got close.
he thinks about another man in purple who refused to open his mouth. and he feels like drifting again, but he stops himself. takes a deep breath, and steps carefully out of the tub after therion. ]
Will you borrow some of my clothing? You're welcome to wander the apartment in your underwear, but it may be a little cold. [ casually. like he doesn't want to bundle therion in blankets and feed him soup. he's so skinny, it gives jiaoqiu agita. ]
he absolutely does not want to talk about it, no! in fact, if there's anything that therion gets extremely cagey about, it's the hidden side of his face. anytime jiaoqiu's hands have wandered too close to it when they're fooling around, he's ducked out of the way, whether it was on accident or otherwise. that's part of what it means, to earn his trust - not to pry. slowly but surely, it's working. bit by bit, he finds his way to those metaphorical meals (or not so metaphorical. he's noticed that jiaoqiu makes food that he likes to eat. he's pretty sure it's on purpose.)
as he pulls the towel away from his puffed up, fluffy hair - as fluffy as a dandelion, after all that toweling - he tosses the towel over the rack to dry it. by the time he's reaching for his dirty, ratty sweatshirt, he's addressed again, and he glances over at him for a long moment, then back at his shirt. it is damp... ]
... Sure, whatever. [ he guesses. at least until his dries properly. wet like this, he looks especially scrawny, all scars and thin muscle, surely making that agita worse (sorry) and he rolls his shoulders back, and then steps out of the room. it's not like he doesn't know where jiaoqiu's bedroom is at this point, so he pads silently away to go poke through his drawers.
he pokes around until he finds something comfortable looking for jiaoqiu, and then just. looks at his pants collection, gives up - he is both short AND lacking a tail - and just pulls out a big long sleeved shirt of some kind in a neutral color, and throws it on over his head. it comes down midway to his thighs. small guy life.
he returns a couple minutes later, and pushes a pile of warm, clean clothes into jiaoqiu's hands if he's still standing in the bathroom. like a cat, bringing objects. here. fetch good. ]
jiaoqiu looks amused at the way his hair fluffs. he really wants to reach to touch it, but he doesn't. instead, he does a good, through job of drying himself off, and by the time therion comes back, he's brushed his fangies, and is in the process of brushing his tail out in long, even strokes. therion might actually catch him looking vaguely annoyed because his fur is tangled and less shiny than normal, and he's realizing that he's probably been too flippant about taking care of it lately. bluh.
he puts the brush down just fast enough to take the fetched objects, ear flicking. clothes! a beat, as he takes in the way therion looks wearing his shirt. scrawny, scarred, small - malnutritioned, but warm and dry and out of the rain, in the middle of jiaoqiu's apartment, with him. that gets something horrible and wrenching to wake up in his chest, and just for a second, he has to turn and busy himself with sorting through his clothes because he can't breathe. he does a decent job of hiding it, at least. it's just - it's nice. it's a little domestic, it's a little giving, and it's the kind of thing that'd make him cough up flower petals in another universe. something this nice shouldn't hurt so much, he thinks.
jiaoqiu swallows hard. and then starts pulling on the comfortable clothes. ]
Thank you.
[ he can manage that much. and then: ] Go look in the refrigerator and tell me what ingredients inside it that you would like to eat. I'll make us a meal.
the shirt's not bad, at least. he doesn't particularly care about his state of dress, particularly since jiaoqiu has seen him naked already plenty of times, so he just kind of rolls the sleeves up so they aren't falling down his hands the entire time and shrugs at the thank you. whatever, no big deal, then staring at him for a minute, like... he's making sure he's all there, maybe, or that he's scrutinizing him, or god only knows what else.
... and after a moment, therion nods. it feels safer than actually saying anything, because he's still feeling very skittish in the face of all the. Emotions that happened this afternoon, and then waves a hand over his shoulder as he starts to turn back towards the kitchen. casually, calling out over his shoulder: ] Are you going to have a bunch of weird shit in there again?
[ therion fancy food is not weird shit. one time there was a whole ass fish. what does he know. ]
[ he's all here! in fact, the fact that he is all here is the problem! he is Too Here and he doesn't know how to handle it very well.
he's not skittish, at least. therion is, and he can sense a little of it, so he's being careful. but jiaoqiu himself is more unsure, in a way he isn't used to being. there are footsteps he can hear in the apartment above him. someone down the line of the fourth floor is vacuuming. the rain is still pouring outside, beating against the tiny window above his tub. his clothes feel a little too restrictive, but he refuses to cook without a shirt on, so he just suffers it. at least it's a short sleeve. he can deal with that. ]
Fish is not weird shit, little wolf.
[ he calls after therion, absently, picking up his brush to finish working the knots out of his tail. a beat. hm. that nickname slipped out. but he's not taking it back, so... okay! sure!
after a moment, when he's sure he isn't going to have a meltdown, he will make his way out to the kitchen. he makes sure his footsteps are loud, so he doesn't startle, and when he comes up to therion, he rests a hand on therion's lower back. a casual touch, something grounding. he is maybe a bit more touchy than normal, but he desperately needs to keep his head from wandering, and physical touch is the only thing that's doing it for him, so. ]
What do you think? Bear in mind that I will be adding chili oil to whatever you choose.
[ oh. a nickname. that kind of startles him? if he was a cat, he'd be all poofed up - luckily, he's in the kitchen when the name comes, so he just kind of startles and pauses, doing a double take at the fridge. little wolf, huh. there's a beat. ]
...It still had its eyeballs.
[ and...ultimately, he goes with a response, a little late, because in terms of nicknames, it could be worse. he could go without the little part, but, whatever. therion resumes going through the fridge. he is deeply unaware of any of the meanings of his name because he cannot read (no) because he just never thought about it, so he writes it off as edgy enough that its acceptable and decides not to think about what kind of familiarity can come with a nickname, before it sends him off into a spiral and straight out the window and as far away from this apartment as humanly possible.
he's leaning into the fridge by the time jiaoqiu gets out into the main room, letting the blast of the cold air brace him, staring at the contents inside. he hears him coming miles before jiaoqiu probably even realizes, too used to attuning himself to the sounds of others, too alert, too watchful, and he can feel him coming close to his space and straightens up from what he's looking at.
which is when the hand lands on his back. therion stills, again - maybe he always will. but a beat goes by. one second, two. and then he kind of relaxes or... at least he leans into it a little bit, quietly accepting as he looks. ]
Beats me. [ useless ] I'm not that hungry.
[ ok. he might be a little bit, but he's saying this A) to retain his dignity and B) because he thinks it might rile jiaoqiu a little. he always gets so fussy. naggy. annoying. (it's kind of nice.) ]
[ okay, mr. furball, nicknames are fair game when you started it!!!
anyway. this wolf is better than the ones he's encountered in the past. this one only bites him when he asks, and this one pulls him out of his daydreams instead of making them worse. and maybe most importantly, this one knows how to rile him up in a way that doesn't hurt. jiaoqiu doesn't remove his hand from therion's back, and doesn't press too hard, just easy and warm. and when therion speaks, his tail waves back and forth like it does when he's agitated or impatient. ]
You should be. You're far too skinny. [ grumbles. and nags him, because therion is right, he's fussy about how much therion eats. ] And I would wager a guess that you have not eaten today.
[ which is fine, because jiaoqiu hasn't either. he slides his hand up therion's back gently, and then pulls away from him so that he can peer into the fridge as well, starting to pull ingredients out. there probably is some weird shit in there, but also? there's a whole bag of apples, and a tupperware container of sliced ones with homemade caramel. ]
Hm... meat skewers, I think. With roasted vegetables and a side of rice. And sauce to dip all of it in, of course. Is that simple enough for your palette? Will you eat vegetables if I prepare them?
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as they stand, jiaoqiu holds onto therion. he's thin and wiry, but pretty strong, maybe deceptively so. he's not going to be winning any arm wrestling contests for sure, but he is present, and his grip isn't feeble. for a moment, before he steps into the tub, he just stands, gripping at therion's arm. he's careful not to dig his claws into therion's skin as he kicks his shoes and pants off. underwear can stay. not like therion hasn't seen him naked, but the idea of being physically naked on top of everything else makes him nauseated.
there's something in him that is wildly uncomfortable with this, with letting therion this close in multiple ways, but - he doesn't stop it from happening. he doesn't stop himself from reaching, from holding on. in fact, he moves a little closer even, resting his head against therion's shoulder briefly. maybe it's survival instinct, which is funny because he's pretty sure he lost that a long time ago, or maybe it's something else. his head is absolutely not in the right place to sort through why he stays. but it is trust. it's trust the same way that therion allowed jiaoqiu to see his back. he recognizes that much.
the water is hot. he does like it scalding, and he knows that it is because he can see the steam. he likes that therion knows, and there's another crunchy, horrible feeling in his chest. ice cracking, glass shattering, the sound of tires backing out over a dirt path. gritty. things that would be painful if the object in question wasn't inanimate. a beat, and he drags in a breath that sounds a little painful, ears pinning down against his skull. and then he lets go of therion and climbs into the tub.
he actually mutters ow when the water hits his skin. he's cold, and it kind of thaws him out. ]
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he pulls the curtain shut for him with finality afterwards, and thank god for it, because it gives therion a second to just - compose himself. to do something. to try and understand the thousands of feelings rattling around in his ribcage, a mix of negative and positive and heavy, so, so heavy that he's not sure how to hold it. he takes a silent breath, still holding the shower curtain, frozen in a moment of decision.
jiaoqiu's little "ow" gets him to mutter - ] 's what you get. [ just loud enough to be heard, a little hysterical if he barely shows it. there's a beat of quiet. of shower water hitting porcelain hitting a soft body. silence.
he thinks about how easily he could fall, drifting out into nothingness. about the need to be anchored. and how fucking bad therion of all people is at being an anchor.
and then there's movement - just visible through steam, the silhouette of lifting his arms, blurry and not quite there, and then, and then -- and then the shower curtain opens again, this time with a little less finality, and therion slips in quietly behind jiaoqiu, his heart thudding hard with his choice, also only stripped down to his underwear. he's willingly trapping himself in here (he's going to help, clumsily and stupidly, but he's going to help.) if jiaoqiu says anything about it he might die, so luckily he can't acknowledge too much beyond the fact that the first thing therion says is a hissed, ] -- Fuck.
[ FUCK THAT WATER IS HOT!!! ]
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therion will leave, and come back when jiaoqiu's mask is back in place, and it'll be the same as ever.
only, the shower curtain opens again. jiaoqiu startles, giving therion a wide-eyed look. he almost does say something about it, but then there's that little fuck as therion gets blasted by hot water, and jiaoqiu laughs. it's small, and a little gaspy, but it's a laugh.
and after a moment, he shifts, blocking therion off from the worst of the spray. he can't turn around, he doesn't think either of them would handle that well. but he does lean back, and he rests his back to therion's front, tail shifting to slink down out of the way the best it can. carefully, one hand comes back around to rest on therion's arm, keeping him where he is.
maybe therion thinks he's bad at being an anchor, but jiaoqiu has been so lost at sea for so long that even something just floating by is a relief. ]
If you need me to turn it down... [ he says, with a half smile, closing his eyes. ]
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Shut up, furball. [ GRUMBLING
this kind of normalcy helps! it helps. because this is something he's never actually done, shared such an intimately vulnerable moment with another person - even just down to sharing a shower. (part of this is because he's never actually lived somewhere with a shower that had more than two minutes of hot water, but that's besides the point.) so it takes a second, but he brings one rough hand around and sets it on his hip and just leaves it there, letting the hand on his arm stay.
...staying, himself. an unusual thing to say the least. therion's a ghost in his own right - sometimes he skips town for days at a time, vanishes in and out of the city just to be somewhere else, but for the moment, he's settled here, and... for the moment, it seems like maybe jiaoqiu's starting to come back to earth, too. so. maybe it's worth it. he got him to laugh. if he'd been paying more attention and not spazzing out, he might've seen that genuine smile, too, but that laugh will stick in his head hours from now, and though he'll berate himself internally about it, that won't make it go away.
god. therion exhales out because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with himself at the moment, sort of a grumbly sigh like he is deeply put upon - a gesture by now that jiaoqiu likely knows is bullshit. ]
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he knows better than to overeat, but he's starving, and he can't help but grab for more and more, even though he knows it's going to make him sick, that it's going to shock his body.
jiaoqiu rests his hand on top of therion's. he listens to therion grumble, and his fingers clench a little, like he wants to slide them between therion's on his hip, but he doesn't. the water is hot and he is present, which is new, considering the date. most times, this date is a blur from start to finish.
very softly, like he wants the water to drown him out: ]
Will you stay for dinner?
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(even if it is. even if really, he's here, taking care of jiaoqiu, not because he feels like he can take from him, or use his hot shower. he's here taking care of jiaoqiu because he couldn't watch him melt into the background like he was made out of spun sugar.
"Therion, it's nothing personal! Never was. Sentimental berk, aren't you? Always were. Not much fitting for a tea leaf."
the worst feeling in the world is ever feeling like darius was right. because he is sentimental, and you'd think he'd learn, but therion never does. )
he's shaken out of old thoughts, scattering memories - the feeling of falling, always tugging at the back of his spine - when jiaoqiu speaks again, so soft he has to pay closer attention, and just like that, the past fades away. it feels hard to talk, swelling like a balloon in his throat, and eventually, he nods against his shoulderblade, minute movement. his hand curls against his hip. ]
... yeah. [ it comes out more like a grunt, barely full syllables. giving more than that feels dangerous. ] You got the stuff for it?
[ you need anything? in not those words. ]
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obviously he has no idea what therion was thinking about, but he recognizes the way a person looks when they're a little lost in it. he's not the only one haunted by old memories, he sees. but jiaoqiu is patient, and he's steady, now. he leans a little more against therion, skin to skin, and his ear flicks in the water just enough so that it splashes therion a bit. on purpose, just to make him grumble. this is the most intimate thing they've ever done, jiaoqiu thinks absently, and that's saying something, considering he very intimately knows what therion's dick looks like at this point. romance. ]
I suppose I'll see when I get there.
[ he usually has a full fridge, so he'll figure something out. the other meaning isn't lost on him, though. ]
You won't need to lift a finger. I've inconvenienced you enough today.
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he stays steady to be leaned against, feet planted, cheek still kind of tucked against his shoulderblades, fitting well despite his height. that, and jiaoqiu does get a little noise when he gets water flicked in his face - therion reaches up and pulls his hair like a five year old with his free hand in response to it, and the last comment gets a brief pause. ]
Yeah, yeah. 's whatever. [ kind of a bitchy way to say that he's not inconvenienced. it took his night away from... what, wandering around? picking locks? it's fine. he... would rather be here, even though he hasn't yet admitted that to himself. ] You can pay me back by not smelling like wet fox while we're in the same space.
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the exhaustion is winning out, though. the thought of washing his own hair and tail makes him want to lay face down in the tub, but he'll do it. and speaking of hair, when therion pulls it, jiaoqiu thwacks his wet tail against therion's leg, like a brat. ]
But I am a wet fox... [ he says, with just enough of a teasing lilt to it. ] The bottles are behind you, if you'll hand me them.
[ he could turn around and reach for them, but he thinks if he faces therion both of them will bolt. woof. ]
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thankfully, the distraction of the bottle grabbing is enough to keep that from happening. ]
Yeah, and you smell. [ rude. he turns back - the hand on jiaoqiu's hip stays - and squints at the bottles through his wet hair, then picks out the one for his tail and ears and hands it to him. the other one...
he doesn't hand it over right away, but jiaoqiu'll hear the sound of the bottle flicking open, and as his hand pulls away from him, finally, it comes up. hesitates, hovering briefly in the air, and then eventually, therion reaches up and finds his wet side braid, then starts to undo it with clever, soap slicked fingers. once again, he says nothing about it. ]
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for whatever reason, he's not expecting therion to stay in the shower with him? he figured therion would hand him the bottle and then get out, but... he stays.
this is not a problem in the least. jiaoqiu pauses, when he feels the fingers in his hair. he does not move, holding the bottle for his tail and ears with both hands like a dingus. therion can't see his face, but he'll see a bit of a flush creep up the back of jiaoqiu's neck, something unrelated to the heat of the water. he wants to tease, but he knows that if he does, therion will stop, so he doesn't. he wants this.
which means that he opens his mouth stupidly, and then closes it before looking down at the bottle in his own hands. he's just kind of frozen in place, like a prey animal, letting therion undo his braid, touch his hair in a much gentler way than usual, in a way that isn't yanking it or shoving it back out of his face. his heart pounds on his chest. the water thudding against the tub is so loud. ]
I... [ he starts, maybe a little abruptly, because he thinks act natural, don't act weird or he'll stop, but then he can't think of anything to say and so it's just really all lame. the flush gets worse. ]
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anyway. he makes a sarcastic “ha ha” to the pigtail pulling, but by now he’s already committed and there’s no turning back from it, so. the little side braid gets undone, on one side and then the other. and then… well… he just has to keep going, so… he does. he puts himself in the mindset of “I’m doing this because it’s more convenient, he’ll take too long and I’m hungry” as if any of that was true, and scrubs his fingers through jiaoqiu’s hair. it’s not as gentle as it could be - his nails dig into his scalp, a little, and he has to stand on his tiptoes to get to the crown of his head, which puts him at eye level with the flush at jiaoqiu’s neck.
…which. he hears jiaoqiu starting to talk and feels himself turning pink, and not from the water. he just cuts him off before he tries to stumble through saying something mostly because it will save the both of them, and grumbles - ] Lean down.
[ you’re too damn tall and he is also flustered. ]
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and thankfully, therion cuts him off. that works, that definitely works. he lets out a shivery little breath, and then does, in fact, lean down to let therion keep working.
absently, he opens the bottle he's holding so that he can busy himself with washing his tail. he pulls it around himself and thoroughly picks all the mud and grime out of it, head tilted at a weird angle to let therion get at his hair. he could've sat down for this it would've made his life so much easier, but now he's dedicated to this because he's flustered.
somewhere in the middle of this, he absently reaches from his tail to therion, running his fingers over whatever he can reach. kind of like he's making sure that he's real. ]
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he's not really expecting to be touched. his arm's right there since he's reached up - his skin's hot from the too hot shower, but it still pebbles up into surprised goosebumps at the awfully delicate stroke of his fingers. prickly, as usual, and a firm reminder that this is brand new territory, to just be - touched, casually, in a way that isn't in harm. god. it makes something squirmy curl up in his stomach and therion determinedly ignores it, embarrassed at himself and mad at himself both for having an Emotion as he gives another light tug of his hair. ]
Rinse.
[ there. god. he goes to stick his hands under the spray and clean them off so he's got something to do. a ]
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and once he's done, kind of just like... instinctively, he rests a hand on therion's side, petting him. part of him says he should reward therion for helping him by dropping to his knees, but - he thinks about therion batting his hands away earlier. a pause, and then instead, he slides a little closer and just. gives therion a hug? doesn't say a word. just hugs him, and fully expects therion to freeze up or push him or yell. that's okay.
if he's going to be indulgent he might as well just be indulgent. tomorrow he'll go back to normal, and none of this will have been real. ]
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and this, this is different than that. this is something - tender. this feels like a gesture of... gratitude? a gesture of need? the way he reaches out to pet him, the way he reached out to touch his arm, all of these little, surprising gestures have stitched together enough that he should have expected this. and yet! it throws him off guard enough that he stands there, stupidly, cheeks pink from the water and from something else entirely, traitor heart thudding hard in his chest. and eventually. so, so slowly, he sets either of his hands on his back and looks over his shoulder, staring at the wall and unsure how to even function properly in this moment. he's not exactly made for comfort.
(and it's not... bad, it's not - there's some part of him that wants to crawl into this and hold on tight, but he's not even aware of it.)
but still, he thinks of that off planet behavior from before, and how it's finally started to settle. and slowly, he plunks his forehead, just so, against his shoulder, and mumbles: ]
...water's gonna get cold.
[ probably not the reception you want from getting a hug, but the fact that he didn't absolutely sprint the other way is a deeply positive sign, so, that's just going to have to be enough. unfortunately he is awkward. ]
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even past that, though, he's a healer. healing comes in a lot of ways, and sometimes it isn't food or medicine that fixes things. it is in his nature to give, even when he can't pull together the effort for himself. like if he could get the knife just a little further into the jar, scrape the last little bit of substance out. don't waste it, now. use everything you're given. there's still some use before you recycle it.
he's wandering again, he thinks. so when therion settles, jiaoqiu hums, dragging a warm palm up therion's back and resting it there. this is good. this is good enough, and he is content. ]
It stays warm for a surprisingly long time. [ is his answer. but, after a moment, he pulls away, and he's got that placid smile on again, but. he's not lifeless. there's color in his cheeks and he's present. ]
Thank you. We can get out. I wouldn't have you suffer wet fur smell any longer than necessary.
[ threateningly waves his tail again like he's gonna smack him with it ]
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though, this...whatever this is between them isn't necessarily all that sweet. this moment is an anomaly, a strange, out of time moment as jiaoqiu was out of time just barely half an hour ago. it'll go back to normal when this is over, and it'll ... be fine. it'll be fine. he's not placed his trust here. not yet. (or, well. he has, in some ways, but he's not looking it directly in the eyes.) the warm palm up his back makes him want to desperately lean into it and run away as fast as possible all at the same time, and though he doesn't exactly relax, there's a tiny, subtle shiver when he runs his hand up his back like that.
it's something of a relief when jiaoqiu pulls away, as he dips out of the way of the tail wave and out of his immediate reach, slippery as a snake, stepping out of the tub as he pulls the curtain back. ]
One of these days, karma's going to spray you with a skunk.
[ rude? but there's zero heat. therion is soaking wet even if he wasn't that far underneath the water, his hair plastered to his face, and he plucks up a towel off the rack and toses it at jiaoqiu, and then uses the other to towel himself off. ruffling it over his face, jiaoqiu can just see the point of something discolored underneath his long bang, and then it's gone again, covered by cloth and hair alike. he feels... weird. good? reassured? terrified? it's a complicated and messy tangle of something or other that he keeps off of his face for now, frowning underneath the terrycloth to himself to keep his usual, cool guy composure. ]
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he takes the towel when it is tossed at him, and starts drying himself off. these are heavy duty towels, because he's got so much fucking fur, so they take forever to get actually wet. super absorbent. as he's doing this, he catches that little discoloration under his bangs, and pauses. doesn't mention it, because he's sure therion doesn't want to talk about it, but... there's that little twisty feeling again. he thinks about strays. he thinks about feeding the cats and dogs in the neighborhood, about leaving meals three times a day for them. thinks about the way most of them hissed or growled at him if he got close.
he thinks about another man in purple who refused to open his mouth. and he feels like drifting again, but he stops himself. takes a deep breath, and steps carefully out of the tub after therion. ]
Will you borrow some of my clothing? You're welcome to wander the apartment in your underwear, but it may be a little cold. [ casually. like he doesn't want to bundle therion in blankets and feed him soup. he's so skinny, it gives jiaoqiu agita. ]
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he absolutely does not want to talk about it, no! in fact, if there's anything that therion gets extremely cagey about, it's the hidden side of his face. anytime jiaoqiu's hands have wandered too close to it when they're fooling around, he's ducked out of the way, whether it was on accident or otherwise. that's part of what it means, to earn his trust - not to pry. slowly but surely, it's working. bit by bit, he finds his way to those metaphorical meals (or not so metaphorical. he's noticed that jiaoqiu makes food that he likes to eat. he's pretty sure it's on purpose.)
as he pulls the towel away from his puffed up, fluffy hair - as fluffy as a dandelion, after all that toweling - he tosses the towel over the rack to dry it. by the time he's reaching for his dirty, ratty sweatshirt, he's addressed again, and he glances over at him for a long moment, then back at his shirt. it is damp... ]
... Sure, whatever. [ he guesses. at least until his dries properly. wet like this, he looks especially scrawny, all scars and thin muscle, surely making that agita worse (sorry) and he rolls his shoulders back, and then steps out of the room. it's not like he doesn't know where jiaoqiu's bedroom is at this point, so he pads silently away to go poke through his drawers.
he pokes around until he finds something comfortable looking for jiaoqiu, and then just. looks at his pants collection, gives up - he is both short AND lacking a tail - and just pulls out a big long sleeved shirt of some kind in a neutral color, and throws it on over his head. it comes down midway to his thighs. small guy life.
he returns a couple minutes later, and pushes a pile of warm, clean clothes into jiaoqiu's hands if he's still standing in the bathroom. like a cat, bringing objects. here. fetch good. ]
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jiaoqiu looks amused at the way his hair fluffs. he really wants to reach to touch it, but he doesn't. instead, he does a good, through job of drying himself off, and by the time therion comes back, he's brushed his fangies, and is in the process of brushing his tail out in long, even strokes. therion might actually catch him looking vaguely annoyed because his fur is tangled and less shiny than normal, and he's realizing that he's probably been too flippant about taking care of it lately. bluh.
he puts the brush down just fast enough to take the fetched objects, ear flicking. clothes! a beat, as he takes in the way therion looks wearing his shirt. scrawny, scarred, small - malnutritioned, but warm and dry and out of the rain, in the middle of jiaoqiu's apartment, with him. that gets something horrible and wrenching to wake up in his chest, and just for a second, he has to turn and busy himself with sorting through his clothes because he can't breathe. he does a decent job of hiding it, at least. it's just - it's nice. it's a little domestic, it's a little giving, and it's the kind of thing that'd make him cough up flower petals in another universe. something this nice shouldn't hurt so much, he thinks.
jiaoqiu swallows hard. and then starts pulling on the comfortable clothes. ]
Thank you.
[ he can manage that much. and then: ] Go look in the refrigerator and tell me what ingredients inside it that you would like to eat. I'll make us a meal.
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the shirt's not bad, at least. he doesn't particularly care about his state of dress, particularly since jiaoqiu has seen him naked already plenty of times, so he just kind of rolls the sleeves up so they aren't falling down his hands the entire time and shrugs at the thank you. whatever, no big deal, then staring at him for a minute, like... he's making sure he's all there, maybe, or that he's scrutinizing him, or god only knows what else.
... and after a moment, therion nods. it feels safer than actually saying anything, because he's still feeling very skittish in the face of all the. Emotions that happened this afternoon, and then waves a hand over his shoulder as he starts to turn back towards the kitchen. casually, calling out over his shoulder: ] Are you going to have a bunch of weird shit in there again?
[ therion fancy food is not weird shit. one time there was a whole ass fish. what does he know. ]
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he's not skittish, at least. therion is, and he can sense a little of it, so he's being careful. but jiaoqiu himself is more unsure, in a way he isn't used to being. there are footsteps he can hear in the apartment above him. someone down the line of the fourth floor is vacuuming. the rain is still pouring outside, beating against the tiny window above his tub. his clothes feel a little too restrictive, but he refuses to cook without a shirt on, so he just suffers it. at least it's a short sleeve. he can deal with that. ]
Fish is not weird shit, little wolf.
[ he calls after therion, absently, picking up his brush to finish working the knots out of his tail. a beat. hm. that nickname slipped out. but he's not taking it back, so... okay! sure!
after a moment, when he's sure he isn't going to have a meltdown, he will make his way out to the kitchen. he makes sure his footsteps are loud, so he doesn't startle, and when he comes up to therion, he rests a hand on therion's lower back. a casual touch, something grounding. he is maybe a bit more touchy than normal, but he desperately needs to keep his head from wandering, and physical touch is the only thing that's doing it for him, so. ]
What do you think? Bear in mind that I will be adding chili oil to whatever you choose.
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...It still had its eyeballs.
[ and...ultimately, he goes with a response, a little late, because in terms of nicknames, it could be worse. he could go without the little part, but, whatever. therion resumes going through the fridge. he is deeply unaware of any of the meanings of his name because he cannot read (no) because he just never thought about it, so he writes it off as edgy enough that its acceptable and decides not to think about what kind of familiarity can come with a nickname, before it sends him off into a spiral and straight out the window and as far away from this apartment as humanly possible.
he's leaning into the fridge by the time jiaoqiu gets out into the main room, letting the blast of the cold air brace him, staring at the contents inside. he hears him coming miles before jiaoqiu probably even realizes, too used to attuning himself to the sounds of others, too alert, too watchful, and he can feel him coming close to his space and straightens up from what he's looking at.
which is when the hand lands on his back. therion stills, again - maybe he always will. but a beat goes by. one second, two. and then he kind of relaxes or... at least he leans into it a little bit, quietly accepting as he looks. ]
Beats me. [ useless ] I'm not that hungry.
[ ok. he might be a little bit, but he's saying this A) to retain his dignity and B) because he thinks it might rile jiaoqiu a little. he always gets so fussy. naggy. annoying. (it's kind of nice.) ]
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anyway. this wolf is better than the ones he's encountered in the past. this one only bites him when he asks, and this one pulls him out of his daydreams instead of making them worse. and maybe most importantly, this one knows how to rile him up in a way that doesn't hurt. jiaoqiu doesn't remove his hand from therion's back, and doesn't press too hard, just easy and warm. and when therion speaks, his tail waves back and forth like it does when he's agitated or impatient. ]
You should be. You're far too skinny. [ grumbles. and nags him, because therion is right, he's fussy about how much therion eats. ] And I would wager a guess that you have not eaten today.
[ which is fine, because jiaoqiu hasn't either. he slides his hand up therion's back gently, and then pulls away from him so that he can peer into the fridge as well, starting to pull ingredients out. there probably is some weird shit in there, but also? there's a whole bag of apples, and a tupperware container of sliced ones with homemade caramel. ]
Hm... meat skewers, I think. With roasted vegetables and a side of rice. And sauce to dip all of it in, of course. Is that simple enough for your palette? Will you eat vegetables if I prepare them?
[ teasing, a little. ]
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