[ something in him knew that already. he knows that therion trusts him because therion is letting him hold him like this while he's injured, because therion let him pick him up and carry him to safety. it'd be stupid to not know that, and yet - still, when therion says it out loud, manages to convey it without a shitty comment or a sarcastic cushioning, it means more than he thought it could.
jiaoqiu understands the gravity. he knows how hard that was for therion to say, how he needed to dig deep and drag the words out kicking and screaming. how much therion has grown to even be able to get it out of him. he knows, because it's the same for him - maybe not to the same amount of impossibility, but. he knows what it's like to have words trapped in your throat.
so, soft, he takes therion's hand, and laces their fingers. kisses his cheek. ]
... Thank you. I'm glad that you do. [ and his tone is so very serious - gentle, but serious. he understands.
that much, even, soothes his own worries, just a little bit. he feels a little less like he's going to buzz out of his skin. therion says it out loud, and his shoulders ease, his - fucking fur stands up on end, a little shiver of something like relief or joy or a shaky mix of both making his tail jitter. he needed to hear it out loud, and he didn't realize how much.
there's more to talk about, but he's okay to take it slow. it's easier on the both of the, especially when therion is as injured as he is. so, he gives them both a moment, doesn't say anything else. just holds therion's hand, reassuring. ]
[ if he was feeling an iota better, this might have actually been more difficult. all the fizzy, live-wire sensations that come after an adrenaline crash are muted by his body's current state, so he can't jitter too hard out of his skin after saying it. it doesn't make the anxious nerves settle, necessarily, but it's enough to hold him into one place, as opposed to backtracking, or worse, backsliding.
his hand is still a little cold, but he lets jiaoqiu take it. he can't quite look at him, so the kiss to his cheek feels especially intimate, with his bad side buried into jiaoqiu's shoulder, and unwittingly his lashes flutter where they're closed, feeling his heart swell underneath everything, despite everything. despite how badly his heart was shattered all those years ago, it still beats.
he's feeling very overwhelmed. but jiaoqiu's reaction is positive, as far as he can tell, so. good. good. therion exhales out - shaky, still, a little tremor in his hand, and sags a little further into where jiaoqiu is holding him, tension releasing slowly, piece by piece.
and, quietly - still not quite ready to move on - he says: ] ...thank you.
[ for more than just the fact that he rescued him, but for everything. for the care. for the fact that he still showed up here, despite therion's awful edges, his harsh words, his tendency to flee from closeness, his inability to communicate, for loving him for some reason despite everything. and most of all, for being worth that trust, for proving consistently, over and over again, that the world isn't always full of people like darius, that maybe some people are worth being afraid, for.
he keeps his eyes firmly closed for now, tucked against his shoulder, and rides out that emotional wave, too, exhausted. ]
[ as therion sinks further into him, jiaoqiu fusses a little. wraps the blanket around him a little more snugly, shifts against the wall so he can comfortably lean and make room for therion to do so. he holds his hand with one of his own, and strokes his skin with his thumb, slow and steady, to try and ease that tremor. keeps his other arm around him, supporting him up.
he's a very patient person. jiaoqiu very rarely rushes in his daily life, and he sees no reason to do so now. he takes it easy, and is rewarded by therion relaxing bit by bit. maybe when he's less injured, he can offer to massage his shoulders, his back. it might do him some good.
when therion speaks, jiaoqiu's lips twitch at the corners. he tucks therion's head under his chin. ]
You don't need to. [ thank him, he means. but, because he recognizes the effort: ] You're welcome, regardless.
[ he lets the silence sit for a minute again. thinks, maybe he can add a little cushioning to this, because therion is so exhausted. so - his tail shifts under the covers, wriggling so that it can settle over therion's lap again. it's heavy, and it's warm. ]
... You know. [ he starts, mildly. ] The man who planned to turn you in for coin brought your scarf and your blade as proof. They were covered in blood. He dropped them on the counter, and had the bartender not intervened, I would have ripped his throat out with my teeth. I had the angle prepared in my head.
god. he makes a little bit of a face when he says "you don't need to", fully ready to throw that away, but he accepts it, so it's silenced. he doesn't just give his thank yous out for no reason, and maybe he can shovel some self love into jiaoqiu's mouth one of these days like feeding a fussy baby. he's too tired to be cool about it, so he just huffs, allowing himself to be moved. that in and of itself is the ultimate sign of trust, the fact that he's burrowed here despite being wildly injured, safe enough to be not just treated, but to be held, too.
he closes his eyes again in that moment of silence, trying to return himself to some kind of normalcy, in as much as he can. violently out of whack in every way possible, it's not a - bad feeling, but it's strange, augmented by being injured. he feels like he needs to go for a lap, but he's too tired to even move.
as he's considering this, jiaoqiu starts talking again, and slowly, therion's eyes open. first of all, ugh, his stuff, but as he continues... there's a twitch to his mouth that might be a smile, there and you'll miss it. ] Yeah?
[ he knows jiaoqiu is vicious, knows enough about who he was in the past and has spent enough time with him in the present to know that he means it, but there's something funny about jiaoqiu in his fancy boy clothes ready to rip someone's throat out like a feral animal, especially when that someone is, likely, gareth. (and there's something a little soft, about knowing someone would go to those lengths for someone like you.) ]
You would've gotten your ass kicked. [ he says, finally, his voice a rumble of sound near jiaoqiu's chest - there's a hint of laughter to it, something a little less high strung. ] Would've been worth it, though.
anyway, jiaoqiu knows how to get blood out of clothing, thankfully, but he's going to be thinking about the blood in the scarf he gave therion for about as long as he lives. the emotion that he had when he saw it was - a lot. grief, mostly, but an undefinable amount of violence, too, something that startled him a bit with the strength of it. ]
I saw red. [ he says, simply. he would've gotten his ass kicked, yeah, they would've wiped the floor with him. but at least he would've taken out the leader with him. sure, it's a little suicidal, but that's kind of his whole existence, so. he carries melancholy and a lingering, drifting sadness in his bones.
but - he hears that little laugh in therion's voice, and that's what he was aiming for. something to ease the tension. something to try and make a bridge. maybe he's making it harder for himself, here. maybe he's never going to coax an answer out of therion if he keeps helping him wriggle away, but. therion kept trying to make himself smaller and smaller, and jiaoqiu doesn't want that. he just has to trust they'll get there.
he holds therion a little closer, and closes his eyes. ]
I have both. Your scarf and your switchblade. They're in my bag.
he looks up at jiaoqiu as he says that - not the first part, but the second.
him seeing red, that's not surprising in the context of the conversation. but, hearing that jiaoqiu retrieved those two items for him, even in the midst of the danger, in the midst of a situation where he was clearly about to snap, is... it's a lot. therion's had his switchblade for as long as he could remember, one of the only possessions in the entire world that he has. for a long time, it was really his only companion (by his own design, and he liked it that way), and though it was of course not the end of the world to have it stolen, considering, it... it's nice, to have it back.
and then there's the scarf. the scarf that jiaoqiu bought for him when they first arrived to sunshade - tucked it around his neck, chose it on purpose, asked him if the pattern would be alright for him, the length. the care and consideration taken, from the gesture to the actual gift itself, meant something, and he's taken very good care of it since he's gotten it, even if he never drew attention to it. never let it get messy. never let it get too destroyed.
in a normal situation, he'd laugh, make a shitty little comment, move on. but it's such a tiny, stupid gesture in the grand scheme of everything that it knocks him off of his feet, and he reaches up, slowly, with his good hand, and curls it in his clothes. ]
[ a beat, and his ear flicks - for whatever reason, he's not expecting that to be a thing that gets therion. he hears his name in that soft tone and shifts a little, glancing down at him. rests his hand on top of the one curling into his clothes. ]
Mm? [ there's a bit of worry to his tone. ] What?
[ do you need painkillers, are you fading - what's wrong, is the vibe. he doesn't even think about therion being touched by the gesture, because in his mind there was no other option. he was leaving that bar with those items in hand or he was going to get the shit beaten out of him trying. ]
[ well! a lot of emotions hit him violently all at once!
at first, he doesn't know what to do with it. it catches him off guard so badly that he chokes a bit, voice squeaking. it's so embarrassing that it shuts him up right off the bat, and he doesn't reply right away, just goes bright red and internally splutters. it's so silly, to get worked up this badly about it, and it's very much not how he pictured this happening - but then again, he didn't really picture it at all. he's not the kind of person that thinks about his future very often.
he's warm, all over. head to toe. there's a heat behind his eyes, and for a mortifying moment, he thinks he might actually cry? he doesn't, but it's like unlocking a closet that's been keeping a monsoon enclosed. he is awake. it's the most present he's been in years, all of his fur standing on end, every sound magnified. the wind is gently rattling the door, and his heart is thudding in his ears, and therion can - probably feel that, actually, with how close he's pressed to jiaoqiu, he can probably feel jiaoqiu's pulse go jackrabbit fast. silence, for a long, long moment, as he tries to pull himself together.
it doesn't happen. he can't figure out how to not make his voice steady when he answers, so he stops trying, and just - presses his lips to therion's forehead. swallows hard, and manages, quiet and shaky: ]
... I hope - I hope you know how much that means to me.
[ there's a thank you, in there. a thank you for saying it. he's getting swept away with the feeling, with something overwhelming and trembling, like shining a very bright light on his rusted, creaking heart. like it could break, overexposed, but won't. ]
okay. saying "i trust you" was much scarier, but now that the words are actually out of his mouth, the weight of what he said is starting to get to him. the little gesture of caring enough about therion to get his shit back for him despite the clear and present danger, the much bigger gesture of coming all the way here to help him, it says so much. therion is a man of action, a man who is moved by gesture more than anything, because it's so much more than words, because gestures are much harder to fake. jiaoqiu's words aren't cheap (usually), but they feel even less so, today.
but if jiaoqiu wants words, after that, he can do them. it's just. very embarrassing, especially because therion can feel him reacting even through the fog of his head injury, can hear his heart beating a hundred miles an hour, and despite a critical loss of blood in his body, he is starting to turn red at the cheeks, at the back of his neck.
and he should probably say something better, but there's not anything better to say, and - well, he's not the best at it anyway, when he's trying to be genuine and trying to actually put himself forward, so instead, he is just therion, rough around the edges and... a little awkward. this is the best he's got: ]
Yeah. [ a grunt, as eloquent as ever.
yeah, okay, he knows. he definitely knows. he'd have to be deaf blind and dumb not to. that one word is about all he can manage back, and he tucks his face back down after jiaoqiu kisses his forehead just to keep his expression buried into fabric, even though he's practically eating his hair, trying to avoid having to look at him. he can only picture how soft his face is and he'd rather not because therion might explode. talk about a bright light - his heart's going a thousand miles an hour, and his ears feel like they're steaming. ]
[ the grunt - it makes him laugh, a weak little sound. he was kind of expecting this, the awkwardness, and it's okay, but he wishes that therion wasn't so violently embarrassed at feeling soft things. he wishes that therion hadn't lived the things he had that made him so skittish about those feelings. and really, maybe it's just that jiaoqiu just has a different perspective. it's a relief to feel anything at all, so he cherishes these little moments, holds them close. he's almost worn out by it, like he's run a mile and he can't feel his legs.
he sucks in a breath, still trying to get himself together. he's going to be running off this high for like a week. ]
You don't need to be this embarrassed. [ he murmurs, fond. ] If it's teasing that you're afraid of, I couldn't bring myself to.
[ he strokes therion's hair soothingly, still avoiding the head wound. a beat. ]
I'm already making a fool of myself. [ he says ruefully, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes briefly. ] ... When we go h -- when we return to Sunshade, I'll get the blood out of your scarf.
[ UGH!!! SHUT UP!!! don't say he's afraid!!!! this ugh is lacking any heat at all. god knows if he was really against any of his he would've found a way to fling himself out of the nearest window, injuries be damned, but he's still here.
but, underneath this facade of his, his heart is racing just as fast as jiaoqiu's is. whereas jiaoqiu holds those feelings close, therion can't face them any further than he already has - he has to approach step by step, tentatively as opposed to embracing it head on. it's not that he won't let himself feel it, necessarily so much as he just has to take his time to get there, as he's had to do with near everything in their relationship.
he lets out a noise, a huff of agreement, at him making a fool of himself, but the missed syllable doesn't go unheard, either. home, he almost says. it makes his heart flip, nervously, anxiously, but he's - he's trying, he's fucking trying this time, and he's already here, so he sucks in a deep breath, eyes closing again, hand curling tighter in his shirt. ]
...Say it.
Edited (HITS ENTER EARLY TWICE!!! OK I GUESS) 2024-11-10 03:00 (UTC)
[ ah - he... hesitates, here. not because he doesn't want to say it, because he's also afraid of it. he avoided it because saying it makes it real, and it makes it something to look forward to, and he tries not to give himself anything to look forward to on purpose. he only ever lets himself think a day in advance, because anything past that is too much to expect.
he has to say it now, because therion asks. therion tries, and jiaoqiu wants to meet him every time he does, he wants to be right there. and besides, he's the one who suggested it in the first place, two weeks ago in the tavern.
but therion can hear it, probably - he can hear the touch of nerves in jiaoqiu's voice, because he wants it but the idea of it being within reach makes him feel like his limbs are going to fall off and fly away. he wraps his arm around therion's waist and holds him, arms thin and bony and trying so, so hard to be welcoming. ]
... Home.
[ he's the one putting his foot forward a lot of the time, holding out his hands to therion to help him get there, but it doesn't mean he's not absolutely terrified. it's just that most of the time he doesn't feel anything at all, so he can manage to do it, but. in this moment, where he's so awake that his fur is standing straight up, he's trying to hide the fact that he's nervous, because he doesn't want therion to get the wrong idea.
[ he can't be blamed for thinking that he would. after all, the last time, it was this very concept that made therion bolt, made him panic so hard he leapt right back into his old life and nearly got himself killed in the process. his recklessness here was his own fault, because he'd been so verklempt that he'd been careless. maybe it was self sabotage. god knows he does that all the time.
but, he's the one who committed to the phrasing - who didn't let jiaoqiu back out of it. they had a similar interaction nearly a year ago, if in a different context. therion, standing on the precipice of something. ready to step into it, if the door's open. he can see jiaoqiu stumbling forward again, past the same sense of fear that therion just had to trip over, and he can respect it. actions, words. if he's going to commit to this, he has to make sure that jiaoqiu's not going to balk at it, either, because if he offers it and takes it away, it's going to break things all over again.
but nerves. nerves, he can handle. god only knows he's fucking nervous, too, but he's already had his chance to run. and hearing that jiaoqiu still offers it even after therion was the one to nearly ruin things because of it is enough for him to be the one to hold out his hand. the arms around his waist don't feel like a trap, and he turns his face to look up at jiaoqiu for a long moment, his visible eye bright in the dim light of the safehouse, regarding him and his nerves, and the situation they're in.
therion takes a deep breath. he doesn't look away. ]
... yeah. [ his response is quiet, but it's steady. one more step forward. together, this time. once this comes out of his mouth, there's no taking it back. ] Home.
[ he can't maintain that eye contact any longer once the word's out of his mouth, and though he lets it hang in between them, therion drops his forehead back down and lets out a deep, shaky exhale, letting the word reverberate. hearing it again his head, home.
he's never had a home before, and the mix of - of want and fear are so violent and overwhelming together that it makes colors burst behind his eyes, and that's about all therion has in him for sincerity, because he cannot be much more sincere than that.
so, after that long moment of processing, he mutters: ] If we get out of this and you don't end up someone's fox skin rug.
[ it is absolutely not because he wants to take it away - he wants more than anything to have a home that therion can come in and out of as he pleases. he wants to have a base. a place of his own where they can be quiet, and they can be loud, and they can be just them, without a noisy tavern downstairs. where therion can brush his tail, and jiaoqiu can drag him down and spoon him, cover him in pink fur. he wants to welcome therion home with his favorite foods and a warm bed, he wants therion to have the ability to travel and go places but still always make his way back. he wants therion to come in through the front door.
he's nervous because it is what made therion run, the last time, but it's also because he didn't think about what would happen once he got it. a million fears pop up all at once - the most glaringly obvious one almost happened today, and jiaoqiu isn't sure he can forget finding a bloody and broken therion curled up and trying not to die. when therion looks up at him, jiaoqiu's ears press back against his skull, instinctive. he holds his breath, as therion takes a deep one.
and it turns out he doesn't have anything to worry about at all, because this time, therion picks him back up. home, he says. keeps eye contact while he says it. means it. and jiaoqiu's ears relax, his expression easing. neither of them are backing out or away. they are holding onto each other and helping each other through the door. the image of therion's bright and stubborn green eye staring up at him in the dim partially overwrites the bloody and broken form on the church floor.
he lets therion hide again, and rests his hand on therion's arm. if he's looking, he'll notice jiaoqiu's claws are painted black.
silence, and then a little shaky huff of a sound. almost a laugh. ]
I don't have nearly enough fur for that. [ ... ] I'd make a very fetching rug.
no, he knows he won't. it's wry, and frankly, he feels a little more normal for it. it helps him cope with the fact that when his eyes start to hurt again, he turns his head just so down and sees jiaoqiu's black painted claws, and it makes his stomach twist up like a dishrag. it cuts off whatever other shitty comment he was going to make, and he swallows, closing them again because it's easier to rest in the dark instead of get caught staring at jiaoqiu's hands. instead of getting caught thinking about the idea of having a place to come home to like a base. and instead, most of all, of thinking about how fucking stupid he is for ending up here in the first place.
maybe there wasn't anything to be scared of. maybe it just takes getting your ass thoroughly kicked to understand the things in life that are the most important.
so. again, he was stupid - which, honestly, makes a good reminder of their situation, too, because he groans a little, out of nowhere. it doesn't sound like a pained noise, just kind of. therion aggrieved. a therion complaining noise. ]
...Tell me you've got some kind of plan for getting out of here. [ because he has one and he really, really, really does not want to use it. ]
[ therion closes his eyes again, and jiaoqiu pulls the blanket up a little further to shield him from any light in the room. it's getting dark - there isn't exactly electricity in this building, so it's just natural light, but he knows therion's head is probably throbbing, so. he keeps his voice low, and rests his now warm hand on the back of therion's neck to try and give him a little relief.
the complaining noise gets him a little tsk sound in response. ]
I have the start of one.
[ he did a lot of thinking, while therion was passed out. probably too much thinking.
they have to rest, for at least a day or two. he plans to go to the bartender that helped him before, and ask for food and water. he plans to keep an eye on therion's wounds to make sure infection doesn't take hold, and once they are at bare minimum health, then he can move them. he should really call primrose. past that, though, he just figures he's going to have to figure out a way to carry therion to the next town over to take a train home. either that, or disguise them. he hasn't been able to look for options just yet. ]
However. You're not going anywhere for at least a day. You are severely concussed and you have a healing stab wound. I refuse to let your condition get worse.
[ he's open to ideas, since therion's pretty good at sneaking out of places, but he has put himself in charge of getting them out because he doesn't trust therion to not push the limits of his injuries. ]
[ well, the start of one is better than none. he hates the idea of being stuck here, but jiaoqiu is right - a day is manageable. they should be okay, unless someone starts banging on every door in town and breaking them down, but it does mean he'll be paranoid and twitchy for the next twenty four hours.
it's really hard to think for more than a minute or two though - his head hurts, and the warm hand on the back of his neck is deeply soothing, relaxing some of the extremely tense muscles there. he turns his head and ducks it into jiaoqiu's neck, burying his face there and ignoring any pain from the cut over his eye in favor of avoiding the light, muttering: ] Fine. [ to the day of waiting time, at least.
admittedly, jiaoqiu being here does ease some of his normal paranoid, overly cautious behaviors, because he does have someone he trusts (he thinks, with a slight flush of warmth in his chest) to watch his back so he can rest. and besides, jiaoqiu's smart. the odds are stacked against them, in general, but he does think he'll be able to find a way, just. maybe a way that doesn't end with jiaoqiu also getting hurt somehow would be nice, seeing as how he has a track record of doing just that. ] Don't get yourself killed.
[ he also remembers when jiaoqiu left the hotel and how that ended, so. therion chews the inside of his cheek, weighing his internal options. yes, he wants out of here. yes, he really wants jiaoqiu out of here. it's going to have to be worth the smug old man, isn't it.
there's another grumbly noise. ]
...'s someone you could call. After. I guess. Tomorrow. Whatever.
[ his poor banged up brain... jiaoqiu is going to force some painkillers on him at some point.
for now, he hides therion under the blanket and keeps his hand where it is, doing his best to ease the discomfort. concussions are no joke, and he's a little fussy about therion trying to make plans when he's obviously in pain. he needs rest, and jiaoqiu is going to make him do it. and... he sort of wins, here, as guilty as that makes him feel - therion's beat to fuck, but he gets to cuddle him, and that makes him feel warm. having therion safe and alive in his lap makes whatever tension he was carrying mostly fade. whatever comes next will be the easy part, he thinks.
as fro the don't get yourself killed, he makes a protesting sound, ear flicking. ]
I made it here without losing my head. I'll be fine.
[ he doesn't have an active death wish!! just a dormant one. he's committed to making it back. he won't tell therion that he doesn't care if he gets hurt making sure therion gets home because he knows therion will fuss, but he genuinely doesn't care.
a beat. he's going to very slowly slide them down a little so they're mostly laying down. not flat out, but more like propped up, therion's head resting against jiaoqiu's shoulder and chest. and then: ]
You literally just told me you almost attacked someone in a bar full of thieves, I don't want to hear it.
[ SIR!!! DON'T EVEN!!!! unfortunately he is more than aware of jiaoqiu's lack of self-care when it comes to things like this, which. fine. if jiaoqiu wants to be fussy over therion and complain and make sure he doesn't hurt himself worse or open an injury or get gangrene or something, then therion will be the one to grab him by the scruff of the neck and yank him away from getting hurt. mutual care!
he makes a little noise when jiaoqiu starts moving, but mostly because he's not ready for it - a soft hiss, but he settles after a second, still tucked against his shoulder, blanket now pulled up almost to his nose. between that and his bangs, he's relatively safe from the light burning his eyes out and making the concussion worse. his legs curl, until his bony knees are resting on jiaoqiu's thighs - curled up, protective of self, but with his underbelly turned directly towards the person beside him.
as for that oh - he makes another, aggrieved noise. ]
He's never going to fucking let me live this down. Again.
[ wow!! he sulks slightly at the accusation but it's not like therion is wrong, he did indeed do that. he's behaving himself now, though. maybe he doesn't have a lot of preservation, but he has enough to make it so that therion doesn't cut him loose. he can't be a hypocrite.
he also murmurs a sorry when therion hisses, petting him a bit to soothe. once he's settled again, jiaoqiu wraps his arms around him and keeps him warm. occasionally he reaches to gently make sure therion hasn't opened any wounds or isn't too hot in various places before resting his hand back on the back of his neck, right at the base of his skull. easy, now. rest. ]
Who are you talking about? [ he very nicely does not say that he'll probably join the not letting therion live this down crowd in the future. ]
[ it's a real big "i'll fucking do it but christ alive" kind of energy here
therion closes his eyes again - he'd grind his teeth if he felt any better - but the hand at the back of his neck is undeniably comforting, and jiaoqiu can feel even with his irritation about whatever he's about to tell him, his body is starting to slowly relax, piece by piece. he allows himself to be cradled, and in being cradled, some of that world weary, bodily exhaustion chips off. he's really made himself a home in the vulnerable places therion has, and it's one he's going to get to stay in.
therion's not gonna dally too much about this, so he just sighs and internally looks at the ceiling. ]
A butler. [ just. so deadpan. ] It's a long story.
[ okay, look, he is amused by this, he can't help it. ]
Ah... extravagant. [ he teases, gently. ] You can tell me the story when your brain isn't bruised.
[ it is nice to know they have some sort of help, though? he's not going to argue about who this person might be, because if therion trusts them, that's about all the reassurance he needs. therion's standards are much, much higher than his. ]
I will message him, then, if you think he can help. I certainly can't carry you for very long, so we'll need it.
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jiaoqiu understands the gravity. he knows how hard that was for therion to say, how he needed to dig deep and drag the words out kicking and screaming. how much therion has grown to even be able to get it out of him. he knows, because it's the same for him - maybe not to the same amount of impossibility, but. he knows what it's like to have words trapped in your throat.
so, soft, he takes therion's hand, and laces their fingers. kisses his cheek. ]
... Thank you. I'm glad that you do. [ and his tone is so very serious - gentle, but serious. he understands.
that much, even, soothes his own worries, just a little bit. he feels a little less like he's going to buzz out of his skin. therion says it out loud, and his shoulders ease, his - fucking fur stands up on end, a little shiver of something like relief or joy or a shaky mix of both making his tail jitter. he needed to hear it out loud, and he didn't realize how much.
there's more to talk about, but he's okay to take it slow. it's easier on the both of the, especially when therion is as injured as he is. so, he gives them both a moment, doesn't say anything else. just holds therion's hand, reassuring. ]
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his hand is still a little cold, but he lets jiaoqiu take it. he can't quite look at him, so the kiss to his cheek feels especially intimate, with his bad side buried into jiaoqiu's shoulder, and unwittingly his lashes flutter where they're closed, feeling his heart swell underneath everything, despite everything. despite how badly his heart was shattered all those years ago, it still beats.
he's feeling very overwhelmed. but jiaoqiu's reaction is positive, as far as he can tell, so. good. good. therion exhales out - shaky, still, a little tremor in his hand, and sags a little further into where jiaoqiu is holding him, tension releasing slowly, piece by piece.
and, quietly - still not quite ready to move on - he says: ] ...thank you.
[ for more than just the fact that he rescued him, but for everything. for the care. for the fact that he still showed up here, despite therion's awful edges, his harsh words, his tendency to flee from closeness, his inability to communicate, for loving him for some reason despite everything. and most of all, for being worth that trust, for proving consistently, over and over again, that the world isn't always full of people like darius, that maybe some people are worth being afraid, for.
he keeps his eyes firmly closed for now, tucked against his shoulder, and rides out that emotional wave, too, exhausted. ]
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he's a very patient person. jiaoqiu very rarely rushes in his daily life, and he sees no reason to do so now. he takes it easy, and is rewarded by therion relaxing bit by bit. maybe when he's less injured, he can offer to massage his shoulders, his back. it might do him some good.
when therion speaks, jiaoqiu's lips twitch at the corners. he tucks therion's head under his chin. ]
You don't need to. [ thank him, he means. but, because he recognizes the effort: ] You're welcome, regardless.
[ he lets the silence sit for a minute again. thinks, maybe he can add a little cushioning to this, because therion is so exhausted. so - his tail shifts under the covers, wriggling so that it can settle over therion's lap again. it's heavy, and it's warm. ]
... You know. [ he starts, mildly. ] The man who planned to turn you in for coin brought your scarf and your blade as proof. They were covered in blood. He dropped them on the counter, and had the bartender not intervened, I would have ripped his throat out with my teeth. I had the angle prepared in my head.
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god. he makes a little bit of a face when he says "you don't need to", fully ready to throw that away, but he accepts it, so it's silenced. he doesn't just give his thank yous out for no reason, and maybe he can shovel some self love into jiaoqiu's mouth one of these days like feeding a fussy baby. he's too tired to be cool about it, so he just huffs, allowing himself to be moved. that in and of itself is the ultimate sign of trust, the fact that he's burrowed here despite being wildly injured, safe enough to be not just treated, but to be held, too.
he closes his eyes again in that moment of silence, trying to return himself to some kind of normalcy, in as much as he can. violently out of whack in every way possible, it's not a - bad feeling, but it's strange, augmented by being injured. he feels like he needs to go for a lap, but he's too tired to even move.
as he's considering this, jiaoqiu starts talking again, and slowly, therion's eyes open. first of all, ugh, his stuff, but as he continues... there's a twitch to his mouth that might be a smile, there and you'll miss it. ] Yeah?
[ he knows jiaoqiu is vicious, knows enough about who he was in the past and has spent enough time with him in the present to know that he means it, but there's something funny about jiaoqiu in his fancy boy clothes ready to rip someone's throat out like a feral animal, especially when that someone is, likely, gareth. (and there's something a little soft, about knowing someone would go to those lengths for someone like you.) ]
You would've gotten your ass kicked. [ he says, finally, his voice a rumble of sound near jiaoqiu's chest - there's a hint of laughter to it, something a little less high strung. ] Would've been worth it, though.
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anyway, jiaoqiu knows how to get blood out of clothing, thankfully, but he's going to be thinking about the blood in the scarf he gave therion for about as long as he lives. the emotion that he had when he saw it was - a lot. grief, mostly, but an undefinable amount of violence, too, something that startled him a bit with the strength of it. ]
I saw red. [ he says, simply. he would've gotten his ass kicked, yeah, they would've wiped the floor with him. but at least he would've taken out the leader with him. sure, it's a little suicidal, but that's kind of his whole existence, so. he carries melancholy and a lingering, drifting sadness in his bones.
but - he hears that little laugh in therion's voice, and that's what he was aiming for. something to ease the tension. something to try and make a bridge. maybe he's making it harder for himself, here. maybe he's never going to coax an answer out of therion if he keeps helping him wriggle away, but. therion kept trying to make himself smaller and smaller, and jiaoqiu doesn't want that. he just has to trust they'll get there.
he holds therion a little closer, and closes his eyes. ]
I have both. Your scarf and your switchblade. They're in my bag.
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he looks up at jiaoqiu as he says that - not the first part, but the second.
him seeing red, that's not surprising in the context of the conversation. but, hearing that jiaoqiu retrieved those two items for him, even in the midst of the danger, in the midst of a situation where he was clearly about to snap, is... it's a lot. therion's had his switchblade for as long as he could remember, one of the only possessions in the entire world that he has. for a long time, it was really his only companion (by his own design, and he liked it that way), and though it was of course not the end of the world to have it stolen, considering, it... it's nice, to have it back.
and then there's the scarf. the scarf that jiaoqiu bought for him when they first arrived to sunshade - tucked it around his neck, chose it on purpose, asked him if the pattern would be alright for him, the length. the care and consideration taken, from the gesture to the actual gift itself, meant something, and he's taken very good care of it since he's gotten it, even if he never drew attention to it. never let it get messy. never let it get too destroyed.
in a normal situation, he'd laugh, make a shitty little comment, move on. but it's such a tiny, stupid gesture in the grand scheme of everything that it knocks him off of his feet, and he reaches up, slowly, with his good hand, and curls it in his clothes. ]
...Jiaoqiu.
[ therion says, soft. ]
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Mm? [ there's a bit of worry to his tone. ] What?
[ do you need painkillers, are you fading - what's wrong, is the vibe. he doesn't even think about therion being touched by the gesture, because in his mind there was no other option. he was leaving that bar with those items in hand or he was going to get the shit beaten out of him trying. ]
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... I love you, too.
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at first, he doesn't know what to do with it. it catches him off guard so badly that he chokes a bit, voice squeaking. it's so embarrassing that it shuts him up right off the bat, and he doesn't reply right away, just goes bright red and internally splutters. it's so silly, to get worked up this badly about it, and it's very much not how he pictured this happening - but then again, he didn't really picture it at all. he's not the kind of person that thinks about his future very often.
he's warm, all over. head to toe. there's a heat behind his eyes, and for a mortifying moment, he thinks he might actually cry? he doesn't, but it's like unlocking a closet that's been keeping a monsoon enclosed. he is awake. it's the most present he's been in years, all of his fur standing on end, every sound magnified. the wind is gently rattling the door, and his heart is thudding in his ears, and therion can - probably feel that, actually, with how close he's pressed to jiaoqiu, he can probably feel jiaoqiu's pulse go jackrabbit fast. silence, for a long, long moment, as he tries to pull himself together.
it doesn't happen. he can't figure out how to not make his voice steady when he answers, so he stops trying, and just - presses his lips to therion's forehead. swallows hard, and manages, quiet and shaky: ]
... I hope - I hope you know how much that means to me.
[ there's a thank you, in there. a thank you for saying it. he's getting swept away with the feeling, with something overwhelming and trembling, like shining a very bright light on his rusted, creaking heart. like it could break, overexposed, but won't. ]
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okay. saying "i trust you" was much scarier, but now that the words are actually out of his mouth, the weight of what he said is starting to get to him. the little gesture of caring enough about therion to get his shit back for him despite the clear and present danger, the much bigger gesture of coming all the way here to help him, it says so much. therion is a man of action, a man who is moved by gesture more than anything, because it's so much more than words, because gestures are much harder to fake. jiaoqiu's words aren't cheap (usually), but they feel even less so, today.
but if jiaoqiu wants words, after that, he can do them. it's just. very embarrassing, especially because therion can feel him reacting even through the fog of his head injury, can hear his heart beating a hundred miles an hour, and despite a critical loss of blood in his body, he is starting to turn red at the cheeks, at the back of his neck.
and he should probably say something better, but there's not anything better to say, and - well, he's not the best at it anyway, when he's trying to be genuine and trying to actually put himself forward, so instead, he is just therion, rough around the edges and... a little awkward. this is the best he's got: ]
Yeah. [ a grunt, as eloquent as ever.
yeah, okay, he knows. he definitely knows. he'd have to be deaf blind and dumb not to. that one word is about all he can manage back, and he tucks his face back down after jiaoqiu kisses his forehead just to keep his expression buried into fabric, even though he's practically eating his hair, trying to avoid having to look at him. he can only picture how soft his face is and he'd rather not because therion might explode. talk about a bright light - his heart's going a thousand miles an hour, and his ears feel like they're steaming. ]
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he sucks in a breath, still trying to get himself together. he's going to be running off this high for like a week. ]
You don't need to be this embarrassed. [ he murmurs, fond. ] If it's teasing that you're afraid of, I couldn't bring myself to.
[ he strokes therion's hair soothingly, still avoiding the head wound. a beat. ]
I'm already making a fool of myself. [ he says ruefully, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes briefly. ] ... When we go h -- when we return to Sunshade, I'll get the blood out of your scarf.
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[ UGH!!! SHUT UP!!! don't say he's afraid!!!! this ugh is lacking any heat at all. god knows if he was really against any of his he would've found a way to fling himself out of the nearest window, injuries be damned, but he's still here.
but, underneath this facade of his, his heart is racing just as fast as jiaoqiu's is. whereas jiaoqiu holds those feelings close, therion can't face them any further than he already has - he has to approach step by step, tentatively as opposed to embracing it head on. it's not that he won't let himself feel it, necessarily so much as he just has to take his time to get there, as he's had to do with near everything in their relationship.
he lets out a noise, a huff of agreement, at him making a fool of himself, but the missed syllable doesn't go unheard, either. home, he almost says. it makes his heart flip, nervously, anxiously, but he's - he's trying, he's fucking trying this time, and he's already here, so he sucks in a deep breath, eyes closing again, hand curling tighter in his shirt. ]
...Say it.
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he has to say it now, because therion asks. therion tries, and jiaoqiu wants to meet him every time he does, he wants to be right there. and besides, he's the one who suggested it in the first place, two weeks ago in the tavern.
but therion can hear it, probably - he can hear the touch of nerves in jiaoqiu's voice, because he wants it but the idea of it being within reach makes him feel like his limbs are going to fall off and fly away. he wraps his arm around therion's waist and holds him, arms thin and bony and trying so, so hard to be welcoming. ]
... Home.
[ he's the one putting his foot forward a lot of the time, holding out his hands to therion to help him get there, but it doesn't mean he's not absolutely terrified. it's just that most of the time he doesn't feel anything at all, so he can manage to do it, but. in this moment, where he's so awake that his fur is standing straight up, he's trying to hide the fact that he's nervous, because he doesn't want therion to get the wrong idea.
he clears his throat. bites his lip. ]
When... when we go home.
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but, he's the one who committed to the phrasing - who didn't let jiaoqiu back out of it. they had a similar interaction nearly a year ago, if in a different context. therion, standing on the precipice of something. ready to step into it, if the door's open. he can see jiaoqiu stumbling forward again, past the same sense of fear that therion just had to trip over, and he can respect it. actions, words. if he's going to commit to this, he has to make sure that jiaoqiu's not going to balk at it, either, because if he offers it and takes it away, it's going to break things all over again.
but nerves. nerves, he can handle. god only knows he's fucking nervous, too, but he's already had his chance to run. and hearing that jiaoqiu still offers it even after therion was the one to nearly ruin things because of it is enough for him to be the one to hold out his hand. the arms around his waist don't feel like a trap, and he turns his face to look up at jiaoqiu for a long moment, his visible eye bright in the dim light of the safehouse, regarding him and his nerves, and the situation they're in.
therion takes a deep breath. he doesn't look away. ]
... yeah. [ his response is quiet, but it's steady. one more step forward. together, this time. once this comes out of his mouth, there's no taking it back. ] Home.
[ he can't maintain that eye contact any longer once the word's out of his mouth, and though he lets it hang in between them, therion drops his forehead back down and lets out a deep, shaky exhale, letting the word reverberate. hearing it again his head, home.
he's never had a home before, and the mix of - of want and fear are so violent and overwhelming together that it makes colors burst behind his eyes, and that's about all therion has in him for sincerity, because he cannot be much more sincere than that.
so, after that long moment of processing, he mutters: ] If we get out of this and you don't end up someone's fox skin rug.
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he's nervous because it is what made therion run, the last time, but it's also because he didn't think about what would happen once he got it. a million fears pop up all at once - the most glaringly obvious one almost happened today, and jiaoqiu isn't sure he can forget finding a bloody and broken therion curled up and trying not to die. when therion looks up at him, jiaoqiu's ears press back against his skull, instinctive. he holds his breath, as therion takes a deep one.
and it turns out he doesn't have anything to worry about at all, because this time, therion picks him back up. home, he says. keeps eye contact while he says it. means it. and jiaoqiu's ears relax, his expression easing. neither of them are backing out or away. they are holding onto each other and helping each other through the door. the image of therion's bright and stubborn green eye staring up at him in the dim partially overwrites the bloody and broken form on the church floor.
he lets therion hide again, and rests his hand on therion's arm. if he's looking, he'll notice jiaoqiu's claws are painted black.
silence, and then a little shaky huff of a sound. almost a laugh. ]
I don't have nearly enough fur for that. [ ... ] I'd make a very fetching rug.
[ stop ]
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You are pretty good at laying around.
[ unbelievable. ]
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it's fine, he gets a very mild, cheerful: ]
If you weren't battered half to death, I would bite you hard enough to draw blood and undo all the work I put into your rescue.
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[ do it anyway, coward!!!!
no, he knows he won't. it's wry, and frankly, he feels a little more normal for it. it helps him cope with the fact that when his eyes start to hurt again, he turns his head just so down and sees jiaoqiu's black painted claws, and it makes his stomach twist up like a dishrag. it cuts off whatever other shitty comment he was going to make, and he swallows, closing them again because it's easier to rest in the dark instead of get caught staring at jiaoqiu's hands. instead of getting caught thinking about the idea of having a place to come home to like a base. and instead, most of all, of thinking about how fucking stupid he is for ending up here in the first place.
maybe there wasn't anything to be scared of. maybe it just takes getting your ass thoroughly kicked to understand the things in life that are the most important.
so. again, he was stupid - which, honestly, makes a good reminder of their situation, too, because he groans a little, out of nowhere. it doesn't sound like a pained noise, just kind of. therion aggrieved. a therion complaining noise. ]
...Tell me you've got some kind of plan for getting out of here. [ because he has one and he really, really, really does not want to use it. ]
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the complaining noise gets him a little tsk sound in response. ]
I have the start of one.
[ he did a lot of thinking, while therion was passed out. probably too much thinking.
they have to rest, for at least a day or two. he plans to go to the bartender that helped him before, and ask for food and water. he plans to keep an eye on therion's wounds to make sure infection doesn't take hold, and once they are at bare minimum health, then he can move them. he should really call primrose. past that, though, he just figures he's going to have to figure out a way to carry therion to the next town over to take a train home. either that, or disguise them. he hasn't been able to look for options just yet. ]
However. You're not going anywhere for at least a day. You are severely concussed and you have a healing stab wound. I refuse to let your condition get worse.
[ he's open to ideas, since therion's pretty good at sneaking out of places, but he has put himself in charge of getting them out because he doesn't trust therion to not push the limits of his injuries. ]
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it's really hard to think for more than a minute or two though - his head hurts, and the warm hand on the back of his neck is deeply soothing, relaxing some of the extremely tense muscles there. he turns his head and ducks it into jiaoqiu's neck, burying his face there and ignoring any pain from the cut over his eye in favor of avoiding the light, muttering: ] Fine. [ to the day of waiting time, at least.
admittedly, jiaoqiu being here does ease some of his normal paranoid, overly cautious behaviors, because he does have someone he trusts (he thinks, with a slight flush of warmth in his chest) to watch his back so he can rest. and besides, jiaoqiu's smart. the odds are stacked against them, in general, but he does think he'll be able to find a way, just. maybe a way that doesn't end with jiaoqiu also getting hurt somehow would be nice, seeing as how he has a track record of doing just that. ] Don't get yourself killed.
[ he also remembers when jiaoqiu left the hotel and how that ended, so. therion chews the inside of his cheek, weighing his internal options. yes, he wants out of here. yes, he really wants jiaoqiu out of here. it's going to have to be worth the smug old man, isn't it.
there's another grumbly noise. ]
...'s someone you could call. After. I guess. Tomorrow. Whatever.
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for now, he hides therion under the blanket and keeps his hand where it is, doing his best to ease the discomfort. concussions are no joke, and he's a little fussy about therion trying to make plans when he's obviously in pain. he needs rest, and jiaoqiu is going to make him do it. and... he sort of wins, here, as guilty as that makes him feel - therion's beat to fuck, but he gets to cuddle him, and that makes him feel warm. having therion safe and alive in his lap makes whatever tension he was carrying mostly fade. whatever comes next will be the easy part, he thinks.
as fro the don't get yourself killed, he makes a protesting sound, ear flicking. ]
I made it here without losing my head. I'll be fine.
[ he doesn't have an active death wish!! just a dormant one. he's committed to making it back. he won't tell therion that he doesn't care if he gets hurt making sure therion gets home because he knows therion will fuss, but he genuinely doesn't care.
a beat. he's going to very slowly slide them down a little so they're mostly laying down. not flat out, but more like propped up, therion's head resting against jiaoqiu's shoulder and chest. and then: ]
Oh? [ an ally, huh, mr. works alone, ]
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[ SIR!!! DON'T EVEN!!!! unfortunately he is more than aware of jiaoqiu's lack of self-care when it comes to things like this, which. fine. if jiaoqiu wants to be fussy over therion and complain and make sure he doesn't hurt himself worse or open an injury or get gangrene or something, then therion will be the one to grab him by the scruff of the neck and yank him away from getting hurt. mutual care!
he makes a little noise when jiaoqiu starts moving, but mostly because he's not ready for it - a soft hiss, but he settles after a second, still tucked against his shoulder, blanket now pulled up almost to his nose. between that and his bangs, he's relatively safe from the light burning his eyes out and making the concussion worse. his legs curl, until his bony knees are resting on jiaoqiu's thighs - curled up, protective of self, but with his underbelly turned directly towards the person beside him.
as for that oh - he makes another, aggrieved noise. ]
He's never going to fucking let me live this down. Again.
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he also murmurs a sorry when therion hisses, petting him a bit to soothe. once he's settled again, jiaoqiu wraps his arms around him and keeps him warm. occasionally he reaches to gently make sure therion hasn't opened any wounds or isn't too hot in various places before resting his hand back on the back of his neck, right at the base of his skull. easy, now. rest. ]
Who are you talking about? [ he very nicely does not say that he'll probably join the not letting therion live this down crowd in the future. ]
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therion closes his eyes again - he'd grind his teeth if he felt any better - but the hand at the back of his neck is undeniably comforting, and jiaoqiu can feel even with his irritation about whatever he's about to tell him, his body is starting to slowly relax, piece by piece. he allows himself to be cradled, and in being cradled, some of that world weary, bodily exhaustion chips off. he's really made himself a home in the vulnerable places therion has, and it's one he's going to get to stay in.
therion's not gonna dally too much about this, so he just sighs and internally looks at the ceiling. ]
A butler. [ just. so deadpan. ] It's a long story.
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Ah... extravagant. [ he teases, gently. ] You can tell me the story when your brain isn't bruised.
[ it is nice to know they have some sort of help, though? he's not going to argue about who this person might be, because if therion trusts them, that's about all the reassurance he needs. therion's standards are much, much higher than his. ]
I will message him, then, if you think he can help. I certainly can't carry you for very long, so we'll need it.
[ a beat. ]
Can I convince you to take a painkiller?
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