[ oh my god. he's left watching him for a second as he pulls off and starts wandering, just kind of staring after jiaoqiu and feeling - disconcerted? off? it's hard to really put into words. watching him like this is making the hairs on the back of therion's neck stand up, and he watches him just stand there, unaware that he's biting himself hard right away, lacking the senses for fresh blood.
to therion, looking at him from behind, it looks like he's just stopped, again. he makes another noise that sounds irritated but lacks any actual heat and stalks behind him, silently, reaching out to set both hands on his back to give him a push -
but the sight of what he's doing stops him from going that far, and he says, kind of sharply, almost at a loss, ] Jiaoqiu.
[ rare, for him to use his name. it's always nicknames, doc and fluff and pinky, medicine man. but for as much as he tries to hide it, therion is the kind of person who feels deep and emotional, and he can't quite school his expression back from shock and concern, from over his shoulder at the sight. his hands falter where he was going to push, and he's left just kind of standing with him like a shadow, hands touching his wet back, ignoring the wet, awful feeling of his tail for now. he's not sure what he's asking him to do, or what not to do. he's just - doing something. doing something badly, probably, but what else is new.
his hands are warm. warm and familiar, if nothing else. ]
[ the pain of it does wake him up a little, but more than anything, it's therion using his actual name that makes the difference. he hears his name, and then he hears the quiet of the room, the almost static, tinny sound of pure silence. he hears dogs barking outside and he can feel his feet on the ground, stuck in his shoes, his clothes damp and heavy and making his fur feel like sludge.
a beat. he pulls his hand from his mouth, and looks at the blood gathering there, and then sucks in a breath. it hurts. that's good.
jiaoqiu looks over his shoulder at therion, gold eyes open and tired, but - there's something there. he's awake. silence, for a long moment, and then he leans into the hand on his back. takes the warmth. ]
... Ah.
[ is all he can manage at first, because the world is so loud. he can hear himself breathing. ]
[ something is wrong with you, he'd said, that very first day they met.
therion's instincts are dead-on, but he couldn't realize how much - it's coming back to him now as he just stares at him, searches his face for something that he's not sure of. an explanation? a light? that's there, at least, some sense of consciousness that he's not shown in this entire walk over here. his mouth opens, closes, like he wants to say something. what does he even say? what are you doing? you freaked me out? are you okay?
he doesn't know. he never does. therion exhales, noisily instead, feeling the urge to scrub his hand through his hair and resisting it, feeling him lean back against his hand. god. okay. he gives him another little nudge to make him walk forward, and walks with him to the bathroom, his hand remaining there, at the small of his back. it's too much moving, too rough, unable to handle this like - like a normal person should, maybe, unable to express his concern in a way that isn't violence. ]
Just - sit.
[ aborted, but he gestures him over to where the toilet is. ] And turn the water on.
[ and then he pulls away from him again, but it's to grab a washcloth and shove it in his hands, onto the spot where he bit the meat of his palm, and then to start rifling through jiaoqiu's cabinets. noisily as opposed to his usual silence, banging around until he finds what he's looking for, opening doors and closing them. he at least knows where some of this shit is, because they've been in this exact sort of situation, if in reverse, and he comes out of the cabinets a couple of seconds later with a tube of disinfecting ointment and a couple of bandages. ]
feixiao told him once that she was never scared of him because when they first met, he was saving her life. she told him she never understood why people found him slightly unsettling, or lifeless, or suspicious. he'd just smiled, because she didn't understand how impossible it was to be nothing when she was so very bright in his presence. moze saw it, sometimes. in the quiet of a tent, bandaging wounds mechanically. it only happened once. and then jiaoqiu made sure to never let the nothingness swallow him up again, not while moze was alive.
he watches therion slam around in his cabinets, wincing slightly at the noise. it feels like it's inside his skull. but it feels good, he thinks, or at least, it feels, and he needs that. carefully, jiaoqiu turns and flips the faucet on, watches the water hit the tile. he's a little sluggish, but this time he doesn't get caught staring. instead, he sits down, and makes a face. his clothes are awful.
therion will find him pressing a claw into one of the fang marks when he returns, though he stops when he sees therion. a beat. ]
Therion.
[ he says, and his voice is a little hoarse. he instinctively reaches - for therion? for the bandages and disinfecting ointment? both? maybe. and then his hand falters and falls back into his lap. ]
... So I am awake. My apologies. You can go if you'd like. I'm not in any danger.
[ wow. no hesitation on that one. he drops down to his knees in front of him - a familiar position, but in an entirely different context - and bats his other hand away from the injured one, out of the way. that's all this is, similar scenario, new context, with therion the one trying to take care instead of being scolded, as clumsily as he does. he glances up at this sopping wet, pathetic looking creature and feels a whole host of emotions, annoyed and concerned and something else - attached, the worst emotion in the entire world - and then annoyed again.
but despite his frown, he carries on. he's cleaned his own injuries hundreds of times. he patched himself up after darius threw him off of a cliff in a whole other city, dragged himself out of ditches and alleys and everything in between, so it's not that its unfamiliar. but he knows what hurts on him and what doesn't, and when jiaoqiu reaches, he meets him halfway and holds the injured hand in his own smaller one, then takes out the disinfectant and puts it on for him. then the bandages - open package, peel the paper with his teeth, and press down, stick the material to his skin. methodical, correct, clumsy, but careful - it's a tiny bandage, its hard to fuck up - and despite it all, his hold on jiaoqiu's hand so it doesn't move is surprisingly gentle.
so i am awake. that answers some things and nothing at the same time. he scowls down at his hand as he finishes with it, satisfied with his bandage job, then looks up at him, and lets go, pushing himself back up. ]
Take your clothes off and get in. You look like a drowned rat.
it's been a very long time since anybody has made an effort to take care of him like this. in fact, jiaoqiu can't think of the last time. it's almost a brand new experience to watch therion to drop down between his legs and... bandage him, instead of... well. there's care in the movement. jiaoqiu gets lost, sometimes, he sinks away, but he's not so bad at reading people. and therion is not so incredibly difficult to read, in his opinion. he sits obediently, lets therion methodically patch up the wound jiaoqiu caused.
and just sort of very gently dislodges his uninjured hand from therion's so he can rest his hand on the side of therion's face. he does it with the same amount of care therion puts into sticking the bandage to his hand. like, maybe surprisingly gentle. he strokes therion's cheek with his thumb.
being told to shut up or that he looks like a drowned rat doesn't seem to offend him at all, he just takes it in stride. he'll let therion get up though, and he'll look over at the shower. okay. right. clothes need to come off. start small. shirt first. ]
[ the touch is... a lot! it's a lot, for one little therion. he's had his face squished and yanked around, occasionally briefly touched or moved, but there's so much weight in the way jiaoqiu's hand lands on his cheek that it gives therion pause. he stares at him for a second, wide eyed and stupid as he strokes his cheek, and his stupid, stupid, stupid traitorous heart does a stupid backflip, and it is that that snaps him out of it. flustering, he pulls back and gets up to his feet, red standing out even on his tan skin.
right. that threw him so off guard he forgot what he was doing next, which thank god jiaoqiu starts dawdling on his clothes. despite the fact that it looked like three seconds ago he was going to bolt, he does not do that. instead, he rounds back on jiaoqiu and grabs the bottom of his shirt to unceremoniously yank it over his head and off of him with absolutely zero mercy. it is wet and cold and probably deeply unpleasant but it makes therion feel better about that interaction because he's going to die of embarrassment otherwise.
once it's off, he takes it from him and wrings it out in the sink for something to do with his hands, heart pounding hard against his ribcage. god. stupid. he's sooo cool. ]
[ auegh, that is such an unpleasant feeling!! off the shirt goes, and his fur is all disheveled and sticking up. he really does look like a drowned rat, or like a baby lion that's had it's fur licked up against the grain, simba style. there's a little grumbling sound that escapes when he's left shirtless, sitting with a dazed expression.
but here's the thing - therion turning bright red makes him smile, and even though it's small and exhausted and thin, it isn't one of his fake ones. it's something genuine. his heart is thudding in his ears, the shower water hits the tub and the pounding of the water pressure pricks at his skin, and he's watching someone react to his hands. once upon a time, he knew how to be gentle. it's like riding a bike, giving it to someone who probably needs it far more than he does.
jiaoqiu's not stupid. he doesn't think much of himself, but he's seen the way therion carries himself. skittish. like he's been hurt before, more than anything. it makes something in him ache. something he can't quite access, but feels like maybe he wants to.
a pause. ]
... Will you help me in?
[ he doesn't ever ask for help. he doesn't like to. he's not helpless. but also, if he's alone he's going to crawl right back into that blank nothingness, and he knows he's not supposed to do that. so he's trying. ]
well, okay. jiaoqiu making that disgruntled noise makes him feel more on balance again. good. serves him right!! for what? who knows! he takes the soaking wet shirt and hangs it up on a towel rack so it can dry out for now, back turned to jiaoqiu - a small hint of trust even in and of itself.
he's grumbling under his breath - stupid fucking fox, at least, is probably enough to be picked out by sensitive ears, but he pauses when jiaoqiu addresses him again. and after a long moment, he looks over his shoulder, expression softening more than he really means for it to, looking more acutely surprised before it evens back out, and there's a little nod.
so, he shifts a little where he's standing, and nods, then comes back over. the disheveled messy fur look is worse than the drowned rat angle in a different manner entirely, and in a different situation he'd probably laugh at him for it. instead, therion takes his hands to pull him up. there's a lot of lithe strength in his body, and he pulls jiaoqiu up with relative ease and pushes the shower curtain back, then steps to the side. he doesn't need to shed his clothes to help him into the shower.
so he helps, wordlessly, because he doesn't trust himself to say something and not fuck up what he is being handed, which feels like a moment of deep, deep vulnerability. the water's hot, hot. he knows jiaoqiu well enough by now (when did that happen?) to know he probably wants it scalding. ]
as they stand, jiaoqiu holds onto therion. he's thin and wiry, but pretty strong, maybe deceptively so. he's not going to be winning any arm wrestling contests for sure, but he is present, and his grip isn't feeble. for a moment, before he steps into the tub, he just stands, gripping at therion's arm. he's careful not to dig his claws into therion's skin as he kicks his shoes and pants off. underwear can stay. not like therion hasn't seen him naked, but the idea of being physically naked on top of everything else makes him nauseated.
there's something in him that is wildly uncomfortable with this, with letting therion this close in multiple ways, but - he doesn't stop it from happening. he doesn't stop himself from reaching, from holding on. in fact, he moves a little closer even, resting his head against therion's shoulder briefly. maybe it's survival instinct, which is funny because he's pretty sure he lost that a long time ago, or maybe it's something else. his head is absolutely not in the right place to sort through why he stays. but it is trust. it's trust the same way that therion allowed jiaoqiu to see his back. he recognizes that much.
the water is hot. he does like it scalding, and he knows that it is because he can see the steam. he likes that therion knows, and there's another crunchy, horrible feeling in his chest. ice cracking, glass shattering, the sound of tires backing out over a dirt path. gritty. things that would be painful if the object in question wasn't inanimate. a beat, and he drags in a breath that sounds a little painful, ears pinning down against his skull. and then he lets go of therion and climbs into the tub.
he actually mutters ow when the water hits his skin. he's cold, and it kind of thaws him out. ]
[ the dig of his hands into his arms doesn't bother him. neither would the claws - it wouldn't be the first time he's worn scratch marks from jiaoqiu somewhere on his body - but they never come. he just lets him cling onto him, holds very still - sucks in a soft breath when his head touches his shoulder, but says nothing of it. it gives him the briefest second to look at him, his expression complicated, brow knit, before he turns his head away again properly and supports him into the tub.
he pulls the curtain shut for him with finality afterwards, and thank god for it, because it gives therion a second to just - compose himself. to do something. to try and understand the thousands of feelings rattling around in his ribcage, a mix of negative and positive and heavy, so, so heavy that he's not sure how to hold it. he takes a silent breath, still holding the shower curtain, frozen in a moment of decision.
jiaoqiu's little "ow" gets him to mutter - ] 's what you get. [ just loud enough to be heard, a little hysterical if he barely shows it. there's a beat of quiet. of shower water hitting porcelain hitting a soft body. silence.
he thinks about how easily he could fall, drifting out into nothingness. about the need to be anchored. and how fucking bad therion of all people is at being an anchor.
and then there's movement - just visible through steam, the silhouette of lifting his arms, blurry and not quite there, and then, and then -- and then the shower curtain opens again, this time with a little less finality, and therion slips in quietly behind jiaoqiu, his heart thudding hard with his choice, also only stripped down to his underwear. he's willingly trapping himself in here (he's going to help, clumsily and stupidly, but he's going to help.) if jiaoqiu says anything about it he might die, so luckily he can't acknowledge too much beyond the fact that the first thing therion says is a hissed, ] -- Fuck.
[ he figures that'll be the end of it, and that therion will abscond off somewhere, and that's fine. he did say that therion could go. he's not in any danger, theoretically. the curtain shuts, and jiaoqiu just stands in the spray and lets the water hit him. only slightly tilts his head so that he doesn't drown himself. that crunchy glass feeling gets worse, and his fingers trace the bandage therion clumsily put over the bite mark on his hand. he'll need to make sure it doesn't get infected, probably.
therion will leave, and come back when jiaoqiu's mask is back in place, and it'll be the same as ever.
only, the shower curtain opens again. jiaoqiu startles, giving therion a wide-eyed look. he almost does say something about it, but then there's that little fuck as therion gets blasted by hot water, and jiaoqiu laughs. it's small, and a little gaspy, but it's a laugh.
and after a moment, he shifts, blocking therion off from the worst of the spray. he can't turn around, he doesn't think either of them would handle that well. but he does lean back, and he rests his back to therion's front, tail shifting to slink down out of the way the best it can. carefully, one hand comes back around to rest on therion's arm, keeping him where he is.
maybe therion thinks he's bad at being an anchor, but jiaoqiu has been so lost at sea for so long that even something just floating by is a relief. ]
If you need me to turn it down... [ he says, with a half smile, closing his eyes. ]
[ he immediately has the completely feral urge to just fucking bite him for having the gall to say that. shut up!! he's embarrassed, and there's a lot happening here, and the water was startling, not unbearable, but there's no defending himself in a way that's not like, stupid, so he does not bite him but he does kind of put his teeth in his shoulderblade. he's not tall enough to reach his shoulder. ]
Shut up, furball. [ GRUMBLING
this kind of normalcy helps! it helps. because this is something he's never actually done, shared such an intimately vulnerable moment with another person - even just down to sharing a shower. (part of this is because he's never actually lived somewhere with a shower that had more than two minutes of hot water, but that's besides the point.) so it takes a second, but he brings one rough hand around and sets it on his hip and just leaves it there, letting the hand on his arm stay.
...staying, himself. an unusual thing to say the least. therion's a ghost in his own right - sometimes he skips town for days at a time, vanishes in and out of the city just to be somewhere else, but for the moment, he's settled here, and... for the moment, it seems like maybe jiaoqiu's starting to come back to earth, too. so. maybe it's worth it. he got him to laugh. if he'd been paying more attention and not spazzing out, he might've seen that genuine smile, too, but that laugh will stick in his head hours from now, and though he'll berate himself internally about it, that won't make it go away.
god. therion exhales out because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with himself at the moment, sort of a grumbly sigh like he is deeply put upon - a gesture by now that jiaoqiu likely knows is bullshit. ]
[ the gnawing amuses him. makes him feel fond, which he knows is dangerous. this is a bad idea, it's such a bad idea. he cannot attach himself to someone who has no strings. these meetings, these times that therion shows up to steal his food and push him down into the armchair, they're bad for his heart. one day, there will be a time that therion does not come back. it'll be the last time, and jiaoqiu won't know for sure until it's been years, until he finds a news report or a gravestone or even worse, nothing at all.
he knows better than to overeat, but he's starving, and he can't help but grab for more and more, even though he knows it's going to make him sick, that it's going to shock his body.
jiaoqiu rests his hand on top of therion's. he listens to therion grumble, and his fingers clench a little, like he wants to slide them between therion's on his hip, but he doesn't. the water is hot and he is present, which is new, considering the date. most times, this date is a blur from start to finish.
very softly, like he wants the water to drown him out: ]
[ bit by bit, between the shower water and time passing, therion settles more firmly in place. selfishly, the shower itself is fucking amazing, and that's what he can tell himself. he can stay here like the parasite that he is, taking and taking and taking. this isn't any different.
(even if it is. even if really, he's here, taking care of jiaoqiu, not because he feels like he can take from him, or use his hot shower. he's here taking care of jiaoqiu because he couldn't watch him melt into the background like he was made out of spun sugar.
"Therion, it's nothing personal! Never was. Sentimental berk, aren't you? Always were. Not much fitting for a tea leaf."
the worst feeling in the world is ever feeling like darius was right. because he is sentimental, and you'd think he'd learn, but therion never does. )
he's shaken out of old thoughts, scattering memories - the feeling of falling, always tugging at the back of his spine - when jiaoqiu speaks again, so soft he has to pay closer attention, and just like that, the past fades away. it feels hard to talk, swelling like a balloon in his throat, and eventually, he nods against his shoulderblade, minute movement. his hand curls against his hip. ]
... yeah. [ it comes out more like a grunt, barely full syllables. giving more than that feels dangerous. ] You got the stuff for it?
[ really, he should wash his hair and his fur, but he doesn't. he just rinses the dirt off, stands in the heat for a long time, until his skin is pink and shiny to match his hair.
obviously he has no idea what therion was thinking about, but he recognizes the way a person looks when they're a little lost in it. he's not the only one haunted by old memories, he sees. but jiaoqiu is patient, and he's steady, now. he leans a little more against therion, skin to skin, and his ear flicks in the water just enough so that it splashes therion a bit. on purpose, just to make him grumble. this is the most intimate thing they've ever done, jiaoqiu thinks absently, and that's saying something, considering he very intimately knows what therion's dick looks like at this point. romance. ]
I suppose I'll see when I get there.
[ he usually has a full fridge, so he'll figure something out. the other meaning isn't lost on him, though. ]
You won't need to lift a finger. I've inconvenienced you enough today.
[ yeah he probably should get clean for real. frankly, it might make a good distraction, which therion may need once he gets overwhelmed from all the intimacy, because this is a lot of intimacy for someone who usually runs the fuck away from it as fast as possible, but right now he seems to be holding steady. he doesn't pull back, and though he's still a little tense, it feels more like it's winding down from where he was in full stress mode like five minutes ago.
he stays steady to be leaned against, feet planted, cheek still kind of tucked against his shoulderblades, fitting well despite his height. that, and jiaoqiu does get a little noise when he gets water flicked in his face - therion reaches up and pulls his hair like a five year old with his free hand in response to it, and the last comment gets a brief pause. ]
Yeah, yeah. 's whatever. [ kind of a bitchy way to say that he's not inconvenienced. it took his night away from... what, wandering around? picking locks? it's fine. he... would rather be here, even though he hasn't yet admitted that to himself. ] You can pay me back by not smelling like wet fox while we're in the same space.
[ a little hum, which sounds a bit like a purr. foxes don't purr but i don't care. it's meant to be somewhat comforting, because he can still feel a little bit of that stress in therion's form, and he feels a little bad about it. not enough to pull away, because there's something very nice and comforting about his face pressed against his shoulderblades like that.
the exhaustion is winning out, though. the thought of washing his own hair and tail makes him want to lay face down in the tub, but he'll do it. and speaking of hair, when therion pulls it, jiaoqiu thwacks his wet tail against therion's leg, like a brat. ]
But I am a wet fox... [ he says, with just enough of a teasing lilt to it. ] The bottles are behind you, if you'll hand me them.
[ he could turn around and reach for them, but he thinks if he faces therion both of them will bolt. woof. ]
Ugh -- [ GROSS he immediately smacks at his shoulder when he hits him with his tail?! it's so WET. also he's five and can't just let go which means in any other situation it could turn into a slapfight.
thankfully, the distraction of the bottle grabbing is enough to keep that from happening. ]
Yeah, and you smell. [ rude. he turns back - the hand on jiaoqiu's hip stays - and squints at the bottles through his wet hair, then picks out the one for his tail and ears and hands it to him. the other one...
he doesn't hand it over right away, but jiaoqiu'll hear the sound of the bottle flicking open, and as his hand pulls away from him, finally, it comes up. hesitates, hovering briefly in the air, and then eventually, therion reaches up and finds his wet side braid, then starts to undo it with clever, soap slicked fingers. once again, he says nothing about it. ]
And after I've been so polite about how you smell... [ metaphorically pulls his pigtails back
for whatever reason, he's not expecting therion to stay in the shower with him? he figured therion would hand him the bottle and then get out, but... he stays.
this is not a problem in the least. jiaoqiu pauses, when he feels the fingers in his hair. he does not move, holding the bottle for his tail and ears with both hands like a dingus. therion can't see his face, but he'll see a bit of a flush creep up the back of jiaoqiu's neck, something unrelated to the heat of the water. he wants to tease, but he knows that if he does, therion will stop, so he doesn't. he wants this.
which means that he opens his mouth stupidly, and then closes it before looking down at the bottle in his own hands. he's just kind of frozen in place, like a prey animal, letting therion undo his braid, touch his hair in a much gentler way than usual, in a way that isn't yanking it or shoving it back out of his face. his heart pounds on his chest. the water thudding against the tub is so loud. ]
I... [ he starts, maybe a little abruptly, because he thinks act natural, don't act weird or he'll stop, but then he can't think of anything to say and so it's just really all lame. the flush gets worse. ]
anyway. he makes a sarcastic “ha ha” to the pigtail pulling, but by now he’s already committed and there’s no turning back from it, so. the little side braid gets undone, on one side and then the other. and then… well… he just has to keep going, so… he does. he puts himself in the mindset of “I’m doing this because it’s more convenient, he’ll take too long and I’m hungry” as if any of that was true, and scrubs his fingers through jiaoqiu’s hair. it’s not as gentle as it could be - his nails dig into his scalp, a little, and he has to stand on his tiptoes to get to the crown of his head, which puts him at eye level with the flush at jiaoqiu’s neck.
…which. he hears jiaoqiu starting to talk and feels himself turning pink, and not from the water. he just cuts him off before he tries to stumble through saying something mostly because it will save the both of them, and grumbles - ] Lean down.
[ you’re too damn tall and he is also flustered. ]
[ the unfortunate thing about this is that digging his fingers in feels good. they're so close that it's impossible for therion to miss the way his tail wriggles a bit when therion really gets in there at his scalp, the way his shoulders ease down from his ears. the two of them haven't ever been gentle, so why start now, right? it's not like jiaoqiu deserves any sort of softness, anyway.
and thankfully, therion cuts him off. that works, that definitely works. he lets out a shivery little breath, and then does, in fact, lean down to let therion keep working.
absently, he opens the bottle he's holding so that he can busy himself with washing his tail. he pulls it around himself and thoroughly picks all the mud and grime out of it, head tilted at a weird angle to let therion get at his hair. he could've sat down for this it would've made his life so much easier, but now he's dedicated to this because he's flustered.
somewhere in the middle of this, he absently reaches from his tail to therion, running his fingers over whatever he can reach. kind of like he's making sure that he's real. ]
[ not the tailwag... cute.... thats me, not therion. therion passingly notices it but he's in his own head enough that he doesn't say anything about it. there's something sort of methodical about helping someone else wash their hair, and though he's fairly mechanical about doing it, that doesn't mean that he's not careful. he avoids his ears to keep from fucking them up, because he does not even begin to understand how fur care works but can get the sense that he probably shouldn't get shampoo in there, but otherwise massages his fingers into his scalp and runs the soap through his long hair. thorough.
he's not really expecting to be touched. his arm's right there since he's reached up - his skin's hot from the too hot shower, but it still pebbles up into surprised goosebumps at the awfully delicate stroke of his fingers. prickly, as usual, and a firm reminder that this is brand new territory, to just be - touched, casually, in a way that isn't in harm. god. it makes something squirmy curl up in his stomach and therion determinedly ignores it, embarrassed at himself and mad at himself both for having an Emotion as he gives another light tug of his hair. ]
Rinse.
[ there. god. he goes to stick his hands under the spray and clean them off so he's got something to do. a ]
[ by the end of it at least he smells really good! it's probably something faintly floral, maybe even something incense-y. whatever it is, it's much better than the mud and nasty wet fur smell, and he's like, thoroughly clean, thanks to therion. he will rinse.
and once he's done, kind of just like... instinctively, he rests a hand on therion's side, petting him. part of him says he should reward therion for helping him by dropping to his knees, but - he thinks about therion batting his hands away earlier. a pause, and then instead, he slides a little closer and just. gives therion a hug? doesn't say a word. just hugs him, and fully expects therion to freeze up or push him or yell. that's okay.
if he's going to be indulgent he might as well just be indulgent. tomorrow he'll go back to normal, and none of this will have been real. ]
[ jiaoqiu's read on therion is right more often than not, in that the hug does surprise him. he does tense up at first, hands uselessly curling in the air behind his back for a second as he process what's actually happening. has he ever been hugged? not really, not beyond the occasional companionable arm thrown over his shoulder, but that was a long, long time ago.
and this, this is different than that. this is something - tender. this feels like a gesture of... gratitude? a gesture of need? the way he reaches out to pet him, the way he reached out to touch his arm, all of these little, surprising gestures have stitched together enough that he should have expected this. and yet! it throws him off guard enough that he stands there, stupidly, cheeks pink from the water and from something else entirely, traitor heart thudding hard in his chest. and eventually. so, so slowly, he sets either of his hands on his back and looks over his shoulder, staring at the wall and unsure how to even function properly in this moment. he's not exactly made for comfort.
(and it's not... bad, it's not - there's some part of him that wants to crawl into this and hold on tight, but he's not even aware of it.)
but still, he thinks of that off planet behavior from before, and how it's finally started to settle. and slowly, he plunks his forehead, just so, against his shoulder, and mumbles: ]
...water's gonna get cold.
[ probably not the reception you want from getting a hug, but the fact that he didn't absolutely sprint the other way is a deeply positive sign, so, that's just going to have to be enough. unfortunately he is awkward. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
to therion, looking at him from behind, it looks like he's just stopped, again. he makes another noise that sounds irritated but lacks any actual heat and stalks behind him, silently, reaching out to set both hands on his back to give him a push -
but the sight of what he's doing stops him from going that far, and he says, kind of sharply, almost at a loss, ] Jiaoqiu.
[ rare, for him to use his name. it's always nicknames, doc and fluff and pinky, medicine man. but for as much as he tries to hide it, therion is the kind of person who feels deep and emotional, and he can't quite school his expression back from shock and concern, from over his shoulder at the sight. his hands falter where he was going to push, and he's left just kind of standing with him like a shadow, hands touching his wet back, ignoring the wet, awful feeling of his tail for now. he's not sure what he's asking him to do, or what not to do. he's just - doing something. doing something badly, probably, but what else is new.
his hands are warm. warm and familiar, if nothing else. ]
no subject
a beat. he pulls his hand from his mouth, and looks at the blood gathering there, and then sucks in a breath. it hurts. that's good.
jiaoqiu looks over his shoulder at therion, gold eyes open and tired, but - there's something there. he's awake. silence, for a long moment, and then he leans into the hand on his back. takes the warmth. ]
... Ah.
[ is all he can manage at first, because the world is so loud. he can hear himself breathing. ]
Sorry. Yes?
no subject
therion's instincts are dead-on, but he couldn't realize how much - it's coming back to him now as he just stares at him, searches his face for something that he's not sure of. an explanation? a light? that's there, at least, some sense of consciousness that he's not shown in this entire walk over here. his mouth opens, closes, like he wants to say something. what does he even say? what are you doing? you freaked me out? are you okay?
he doesn't know. he never does. therion exhales, noisily instead, feeling the urge to scrub his hand through his hair and resisting it, feeling him lean back against his hand. god. okay. he gives him another little nudge to make him walk forward, and walks with him to the bathroom, his hand remaining there, at the small of his back. it's too much moving, too rough, unable to handle this like - like a normal person should, maybe, unable to express his concern in a way that isn't violence. ]
Just - sit.
[ aborted, but he gestures him over to where the toilet is. ] And turn the water on.
[ and then he pulls away from him again, but it's to grab a washcloth and shove it in his hands, onto the spot where he bit the meat of his palm, and then to start rifling through jiaoqiu's cabinets. noisily as opposed to his usual silence, banging around until he finds what he's looking for, opening doors and closing them. he at least knows where some of this shit is, because they've been in this exact sort of situation, if in reverse, and he comes out of the cabinets a couple of seconds later with a tube of disinfecting ointment and a couple of bandages. ]
no subject
feixiao told him once that she was never scared of him because when they first met, he was saving her life. she told him she never understood why people found him slightly unsettling, or lifeless, or suspicious. he'd just smiled, because she didn't understand how impossible it was to be nothing when she was so very bright in his presence. moze saw it, sometimes. in the quiet of a tent, bandaging wounds mechanically. it only happened once. and then jiaoqiu made sure to never let the nothingness swallow him up again, not while moze was alive.
he watches therion slam around in his cabinets, wincing slightly at the noise. it feels like it's inside his skull. but it feels good, he thinks, or at least, it feels, and he needs that. carefully, jiaoqiu turns and flips the faucet on, watches the water hit the tile. he's a little sluggish, but this time he doesn't get caught staring. instead, he sits down, and makes a face. his clothes are awful.
therion will find him pressing a claw into one of the fang marks when he returns, though he stops when he sees therion. a beat. ]
Therion.
[ he says, and his voice is a little hoarse. he instinctively reaches - for therion? for the bandages and disinfecting ointment? both? maybe. and then his hand falters and falls back into his lap. ]
... So I am awake. My apologies. You can go if you'd like. I'm not in any danger.
no subject
[ wow. no hesitation on that one. he drops down to his knees in front of him - a familiar position, but in an entirely different context - and bats his other hand away from the injured one, out of the way. that's all this is, similar scenario, new context, with therion the one trying to take care instead of being scolded, as clumsily as he does. he glances up at this sopping wet, pathetic looking creature and feels a whole host of emotions, annoyed and concerned and something else - attached, the worst emotion in the entire world - and then annoyed again.
but despite his frown, he carries on. he's cleaned his own injuries hundreds of times. he patched himself up after darius threw him off of a cliff in a whole other city, dragged himself out of ditches and alleys and everything in between, so it's not that its unfamiliar. but he knows what hurts on him and what doesn't, and when jiaoqiu reaches, he meets him halfway and holds the injured hand in his own smaller one, then takes out the disinfectant and puts it on for him. then the bandages - open package, peel the paper with his teeth, and press down, stick the material to his skin. methodical, correct, clumsy, but careful - it's a tiny bandage, its hard to fuck up - and despite it all, his hold on jiaoqiu's hand so it doesn't move is surprisingly gentle.
so i am awake. that answers some things and nothing at the same time. he scowls down at his hand as he finishes with it, satisfied with his bandage job, then looks up at him, and lets go, pushing himself back up. ]
Take your clothes off and get in. You look like a drowned rat.
no subject
it's been a very long time since anybody has made an effort to take care of him like this. in fact, jiaoqiu can't think of the last time. it's almost a brand new experience to watch therion to drop down between his legs and... bandage him, instead of... well. there's care in the movement. jiaoqiu gets lost, sometimes, he sinks away, but he's not so bad at reading people. and therion is not so incredibly difficult to read, in his opinion. he sits obediently, lets therion methodically patch up the wound jiaoqiu caused.
and just sort of very gently dislodges his uninjured hand from therion's so he can rest his hand on the side of therion's face. he does it with the same amount of care therion puts into sticking the bandage to his hand. like, maybe surprisingly gentle. he strokes therion's cheek with his thumb.
being told to shut up or that he looks like a drowned rat doesn't seem to offend him at all, he just takes it in stride. he'll let therion get up though, and he'll look over at the shower. okay. right. clothes need to come off. start small. shirt first. ]
no subject
right. that threw him so off guard he forgot what he was doing next, which thank god jiaoqiu starts dawdling on his clothes. despite the fact that it looked like three seconds ago he was going to bolt, he does not do that. instead, he rounds back on jiaoqiu and grabs the bottom of his shirt to unceremoniously yank it over his head and off of him with absolutely zero mercy. it is wet and cold and probably deeply unpleasant but it makes therion feel better about that interaction because he's going to die of embarrassment otherwise.
once it's off, he takes it from him and wrings it out in the sink for something to do with his hands, heart pounding hard against his ribcage. god. stupid. he's sooo cool. ]
no subject
but here's the thing - therion turning bright red makes him smile, and even though it's small and exhausted and thin, it isn't one of his fake ones. it's something genuine. his heart is thudding in his ears, the shower water hits the tub and the pounding of the water pressure pricks at his skin, and he's watching someone react to his hands. once upon a time, he knew how to be gentle. it's like riding a bike, giving it to someone who probably needs it far more than he does.
jiaoqiu's not stupid. he doesn't think much of himself, but he's seen the way therion carries himself. skittish. like he's been hurt before, more than anything. it makes something in him ache. something he can't quite access, but feels like maybe he wants to.
a pause. ]
... Will you help me in?
[ he doesn't ever ask for help. he doesn't like to. he's not helpless. but also, if he's alone he's going to crawl right back into that blank nothingness, and he knows he's not supposed to do that. so he's trying. ]
no subject
well, okay. jiaoqiu making that disgruntled noise makes him feel more on balance again. good. serves him right!! for what? who knows! he takes the soaking wet shirt and hangs it up on a towel rack so it can dry out for now, back turned to jiaoqiu - a small hint of trust even in and of itself.
he's grumbling under his breath - stupid fucking fox, at least, is probably enough to be picked out by sensitive ears, but he pauses when jiaoqiu addresses him again. and after a long moment, he looks over his shoulder, expression softening more than he really means for it to, looking more acutely surprised before it evens back out, and there's a little nod.
so, he shifts a little where he's standing, and nods, then comes back over. the disheveled messy fur look is worse than the drowned rat angle in a different manner entirely, and in a different situation he'd probably laugh at him for it. instead, therion takes his hands to pull him up. there's a lot of lithe strength in his body, and he pulls jiaoqiu up with relative ease and pushes the shower curtain back, then steps to the side. he doesn't need to shed his clothes to help him into the shower.
so he helps, wordlessly, because he doesn't trust himself to say something and not fuck up what he is being handed, which feels like a moment of deep, deep vulnerability. the water's hot, hot. he knows jiaoqiu well enough by now (when did that happen?) to know he probably wants it scalding. ]
no subject
as they stand, jiaoqiu holds onto therion. he's thin and wiry, but pretty strong, maybe deceptively so. he's not going to be winning any arm wrestling contests for sure, but he is present, and his grip isn't feeble. for a moment, before he steps into the tub, he just stands, gripping at therion's arm. he's careful not to dig his claws into therion's skin as he kicks his shoes and pants off. underwear can stay. not like therion hasn't seen him naked, but the idea of being physically naked on top of everything else makes him nauseated.
there's something in him that is wildly uncomfortable with this, with letting therion this close in multiple ways, but - he doesn't stop it from happening. he doesn't stop himself from reaching, from holding on. in fact, he moves a little closer even, resting his head against therion's shoulder briefly. maybe it's survival instinct, which is funny because he's pretty sure he lost that a long time ago, or maybe it's something else. his head is absolutely not in the right place to sort through why he stays. but it is trust. it's trust the same way that therion allowed jiaoqiu to see his back. he recognizes that much.
the water is hot. he does like it scalding, and he knows that it is because he can see the steam. he likes that therion knows, and there's another crunchy, horrible feeling in his chest. ice cracking, glass shattering, the sound of tires backing out over a dirt path. gritty. things that would be painful if the object in question wasn't inanimate. a beat, and he drags in a breath that sounds a little painful, ears pinning down against his skull. and then he lets go of therion and climbs into the tub.
he actually mutters ow when the water hits his skin. he's cold, and it kind of thaws him out. ]
no subject
he pulls the curtain shut for him with finality afterwards, and thank god for it, because it gives therion a second to just - compose himself. to do something. to try and understand the thousands of feelings rattling around in his ribcage, a mix of negative and positive and heavy, so, so heavy that he's not sure how to hold it. he takes a silent breath, still holding the shower curtain, frozen in a moment of decision.
jiaoqiu's little "ow" gets him to mutter - ] 's what you get. [ just loud enough to be heard, a little hysterical if he barely shows it. there's a beat of quiet. of shower water hitting porcelain hitting a soft body. silence.
he thinks about how easily he could fall, drifting out into nothingness. about the need to be anchored. and how fucking bad therion of all people is at being an anchor.
and then there's movement - just visible through steam, the silhouette of lifting his arms, blurry and not quite there, and then, and then -- and then the shower curtain opens again, this time with a little less finality, and therion slips in quietly behind jiaoqiu, his heart thudding hard with his choice, also only stripped down to his underwear. he's willingly trapping himself in here (he's going to help, clumsily and stupidly, but he's going to help.) if jiaoqiu says anything about it he might die, so luckily he can't acknowledge too much beyond the fact that the first thing therion says is a hissed, ] -- Fuck.
[ FUCK THAT WATER IS HOT!!! ]
no subject
therion will leave, and come back when jiaoqiu's mask is back in place, and it'll be the same as ever.
only, the shower curtain opens again. jiaoqiu startles, giving therion a wide-eyed look. he almost does say something about it, but then there's that little fuck as therion gets blasted by hot water, and jiaoqiu laughs. it's small, and a little gaspy, but it's a laugh.
and after a moment, he shifts, blocking therion off from the worst of the spray. he can't turn around, he doesn't think either of them would handle that well. but he does lean back, and he rests his back to therion's front, tail shifting to slink down out of the way the best it can. carefully, one hand comes back around to rest on therion's arm, keeping him where he is.
maybe therion thinks he's bad at being an anchor, but jiaoqiu has been so lost at sea for so long that even something just floating by is a relief. ]
If you need me to turn it down... [ he says, with a half smile, closing his eyes. ]
no subject
Shut up, furball. [ GRUMBLING
this kind of normalcy helps! it helps. because this is something he's never actually done, shared such an intimately vulnerable moment with another person - even just down to sharing a shower. (part of this is because he's never actually lived somewhere with a shower that had more than two minutes of hot water, but that's besides the point.) so it takes a second, but he brings one rough hand around and sets it on his hip and just leaves it there, letting the hand on his arm stay.
...staying, himself. an unusual thing to say the least. therion's a ghost in his own right - sometimes he skips town for days at a time, vanishes in and out of the city just to be somewhere else, but for the moment, he's settled here, and... for the moment, it seems like maybe jiaoqiu's starting to come back to earth, too. so. maybe it's worth it. he got him to laugh. if he'd been paying more attention and not spazzing out, he might've seen that genuine smile, too, but that laugh will stick in his head hours from now, and though he'll berate himself internally about it, that won't make it go away.
god. therion exhales out because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with himself at the moment, sort of a grumbly sigh like he is deeply put upon - a gesture by now that jiaoqiu likely knows is bullshit. ]
no subject
he knows better than to overeat, but he's starving, and he can't help but grab for more and more, even though he knows it's going to make him sick, that it's going to shock his body.
jiaoqiu rests his hand on top of therion's. he listens to therion grumble, and his fingers clench a little, like he wants to slide them between therion's on his hip, but he doesn't. the water is hot and he is present, which is new, considering the date. most times, this date is a blur from start to finish.
very softly, like he wants the water to drown him out: ]
Will you stay for dinner?
no subject
(even if it is. even if really, he's here, taking care of jiaoqiu, not because he feels like he can take from him, or use his hot shower. he's here taking care of jiaoqiu because he couldn't watch him melt into the background like he was made out of spun sugar.
"Therion, it's nothing personal! Never was. Sentimental berk, aren't you? Always were. Not much fitting for a tea leaf."
the worst feeling in the world is ever feeling like darius was right. because he is sentimental, and you'd think he'd learn, but therion never does. )
he's shaken out of old thoughts, scattering memories - the feeling of falling, always tugging at the back of his spine - when jiaoqiu speaks again, so soft he has to pay closer attention, and just like that, the past fades away. it feels hard to talk, swelling like a balloon in his throat, and eventually, he nods against his shoulderblade, minute movement. his hand curls against his hip. ]
... yeah. [ it comes out more like a grunt, barely full syllables. giving more than that feels dangerous. ] You got the stuff for it?
[ you need anything? in not those words. ]
no subject
obviously he has no idea what therion was thinking about, but he recognizes the way a person looks when they're a little lost in it. he's not the only one haunted by old memories, he sees. but jiaoqiu is patient, and he's steady, now. he leans a little more against therion, skin to skin, and his ear flicks in the water just enough so that it splashes therion a bit. on purpose, just to make him grumble. this is the most intimate thing they've ever done, jiaoqiu thinks absently, and that's saying something, considering he very intimately knows what therion's dick looks like at this point. romance. ]
I suppose I'll see when I get there.
[ he usually has a full fridge, so he'll figure something out. the other meaning isn't lost on him, though. ]
You won't need to lift a finger. I've inconvenienced you enough today.
no subject
he stays steady to be leaned against, feet planted, cheek still kind of tucked against his shoulderblades, fitting well despite his height. that, and jiaoqiu does get a little noise when he gets water flicked in his face - therion reaches up and pulls his hair like a five year old with his free hand in response to it, and the last comment gets a brief pause. ]
Yeah, yeah. 's whatever. [ kind of a bitchy way to say that he's not inconvenienced. it took his night away from... what, wandering around? picking locks? it's fine. he... would rather be here, even though he hasn't yet admitted that to himself. ] You can pay me back by not smelling like wet fox while we're in the same space.
no subject
the exhaustion is winning out, though. the thought of washing his own hair and tail makes him want to lay face down in the tub, but he'll do it. and speaking of hair, when therion pulls it, jiaoqiu thwacks his wet tail against therion's leg, like a brat. ]
But I am a wet fox... [ he says, with just enough of a teasing lilt to it. ] The bottles are behind you, if you'll hand me them.
[ he could turn around and reach for them, but he thinks if he faces therion both of them will bolt. woof. ]
no subject
thankfully, the distraction of the bottle grabbing is enough to keep that from happening. ]
Yeah, and you smell. [ rude. he turns back - the hand on jiaoqiu's hip stays - and squints at the bottles through his wet hair, then picks out the one for his tail and ears and hands it to him. the other one...
he doesn't hand it over right away, but jiaoqiu'll hear the sound of the bottle flicking open, and as his hand pulls away from him, finally, it comes up. hesitates, hovering briefly in the air, and then eventually, therion reaches up and finds his wet side braid, then starts to undo it with clever, soap slicked fingers. once again, he says nothing about it. ]
no subject
for whatever reason, he's not expecting therion to stay in the shower with him? he figured therion would hand him the bottle and then get out, but... he stays.
this is not a problem in the least. jiaoqiu pauses, when he feels the fingers in his hair. he does not move, holding the bottle for his tail and ears with both hands like a dingus. therion can't see his face, but he'll see a bit of a flush creep up the back of jiaoqiu's neck, something unrelated to the heat of the water. he wants to tease, but he knows that if he does, therion will stop, so he doesn't. he wants this.
which means that he opens his mouth stupidly, and then closes it before looking down at the bottle in his own hands. he's just kind of frozen in place, like a prey animal, letting therion undo his braid, touch his hair in a much gentler way than usual, in a way that isn't yanking it or shoving it back out of his face. his heart pounds on his chest. the water thudding against the tub is so loud. ]
I... [ he starts, maybe a little abruptly, because he thinks act natural, don't act weird or he'll stop, but then he can't think of anything to say and so it's just really all lame. the flush gets worse. ]
no subject
anyway. he makes a sarcastic “ha ha” to the pigtail pulling, but by now he’s already committed and there’s no turning back from it, so. the little side braid gets undone, on one side and then the other. and then… well… he just has to keep going, so… he does. he puts himself in the mindset of “I’m doing this because it’s more convenient, he’ll take too long and I’m hungry” as if any of that was true, and scrubs his fingers through jiaoqiu’s hair. it’s not as gentle as it could be - his nails dig into his scalp, a little, and he has to stand on his tiptoes to get to the crown of his head, which puts him at eye level with the flush at jiaoqiu’s neck.
…which. he hears jiaoqiu starting to talk and feels himself turning pink, and not from the water. he just cuts him off before he tries to stumble through saying something mostly because it will save the both of them, and grumbles - ] Lean down.
[ you’re too damn tall and he is also flustered. ]
no subject
and thankfully, therion cuts him off. that works, that definitely works. he lets out a shivery little breath, and then does, in fact, lean down to let therion keep working.
absently, he opens the bottle he's holding so that he can busy himself with washing his tail. he pulls it around himself and thoroughly picks all the mud and grime out of it, head tilted at a weird angle to let therion get at his hair. he could've sat down for this it would've made his life so much easier, but now he's dedicated to this because he's flustered.
somewhere in the middle of this, he absently reaches from his tail to therion, running his fingers over whatever he can reach. kind of like he's making sure that he's real. ]
no subject
he's not really expecting to be touched. his arm's right there since he's reached up - his skin's hot from the too hot shower, but it still pebbles up into surprised goosebumps at the awfully delicate stroke of his fingers. prickly, as usual, and a firm reminder that this is brand new territory, to just be - touched, casually, in a way that isn't in harm. god. it makes something squirmy curl up in his stomach and therion determinedly ignores it, embarrassed at himself and mad at himself both for having an Emotion as he gives another light tug of his hair. ]
Rinse.
[ there. god. he goes to stick his hands under the spray and clean them off so he's got something to do. a ]
no subject
and once he's done, kind of just like... instinctively, he rests a hand on therion's side, petting him. part of him says he should reward therion for helping him by dropping to his knees, but - he thinks about therion batting his hands away earlier. a pause, and then instead, he slides a little closer and just. gives therion a hug? doesn't say a word. just hugs him, and fully expects therion to freeze up or push him or yell. that's okay.
if he's going to be indulgent he might as well just be indulgent. tomorrow he'll go back to normal, and none of this will have been real. ]
no subject
and this, this is different than that. this is something - tender. this feels like a gesture of... gratitude? a gesture of need? the way he reaches out to pet him, the way he reached out to touch his arm, all of these little, surprising gestures have stitched together enough that he should have expected this. and yet! it throws him off guard enough that he stands there, stupidly, cheeks pink from the water and from something else entirely, traitor heart thudding hard in his chest. and eventually. so, so slowly, he sets either of his hands on his back and looks over his shoulder, staring at the wall and unsure how to even function properly in this moment. he's not exactly made for comfort.
(and it's not... bad, it's not - there's some part of him that wants to crawl into this and hold on tight, but he's not even aware of it.)
but still, he thinks of that off planet behavior from before, and how it's finally started to settle. and slowly, he plunks his forehead, just so, against his shoulder, and mumbles: ]
...water's gonna get cold.
[ probably not the reception you want from getting a hug, but the fact that he didn't absolutely sprint the other way is a deeply positive sign, so, that's just going to have to be enough. unfortunately he is awkward. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)