[ it's silly maybe, but the fact that the apples and caramel are here, mostly empty, stops him in his tracks for a bit. he kind of just stares down at them, heart all tight and warm in his chest. of course he eats the food jiaoqiu makes for him, it's just... it's something, to see it in action. like therion doesn't eat the food he makes just to appease him, he takes it with him and enjoys it when jiaoqiu isn't around to watch.
he puts the apples back in the fridge, but it's like scraping a layer of dirt off his heart. he's less quietly, consistently miserable.
the money makes him laugh a little. he is like a squirrel. jesus.
but unless there's something else to look at in here - that black box is going to be vaguely on his mind forever - he's just going to go flop down in the nest of blankets and doze until therion comes back. as much as he can, anyway, considering the train. it's a bit easier to tune out over time. ]
[ nothing else exciting! imagine that there was a corpse. no, it's just this tiny, crappy little space and all his squirreled away thief shit and then that little black box. that's it of note!
it takes therion a while to come back, maybe longer than you'd expect. he's too jumpy and paranoid to go anywhere remotely near here or jiaoqiu's workplace, anywhere he might be followed, just in case, and he makes his way halfway across town, to a street food cart selling really spicy noodles for the late night crowd. it's then and only then that he loops back to the pharmacy, to check to make sure that no one is lurking around, or that darius didn't decide to come rob the place for whatever deranged reason. he checks silently and unnoticed on sushang, too. and then, once he's sure, he takes a completely different route back to the safehouse.
the food's tucked into his hoodie, kept warm against his chest. and jiaoqiu, while he's dozing, can hear eventually the sound of rustling plastic from outside, and then therion comes through that tiny little window, squeezing through like it's nothing. he's not trying to be particularly sneaky getting in - this is his own damn place, kind of - so he doesn't bother, and shuts the window as a train rattles by, then... glances over at jiaoqiu.
still here. he breathes out something he didn't know he was holding, and then gets embarrassed about it, and squats down by his head, then annoyingly rattles the plastic bag by his ears. good morning ]
no, he dozes for a while, buried in therion's blankets. it's kind of nice that they smell like him, even if it's faint. and when therion finally makes his way over, he is treated to the sight of jiaoqiu's ears perking up and his tail swishing lazily, like a sleepy old dog that's excited to see someone. his eyes take a moment to follow suit, gold slits peeking open and peering up at him from where his face is half smushed into the pillow and blanket.
the entire way up the fire escape was therion preparing himself for what he was going to see, reminding himself that the person in his safehouse was allowed to be there, for some insane reason, that he trusts (?) him, mostly, that he's not an enemy (probably), but by the time he gets up and through the window, he doesn't have that reaction at all. he's just kind of struck by it in the worst kind of way, feeling that molten-lava-core curl up and burst and harden into rock and burst again, enough that it makes his chest briefly hurt. just. he looks so - comfortable. so... relaxed, smiling like that, so. so just a fixture, in a life that has never been anything that transient that he's feeling like it's hard to breathe.
he forces himself to suck in a breath, and just makes a noise, pushing the bag into his hands. there's the noodles that are violently red in a plastic container, still warm, and some kind of meat on a stick that went with it. there's just the one serving and some chopsticks, and he takes one of the two skewers and just sits, feeling Some Kind Of Way and very bad at handling it. ]
Mn. [ the grunt is an answer. he's not always a wordsmith. ] 's the only thing that was open.
[ not...entirely...untrue.... but that does leave out his canvassing like an obsessive crazy paranoid person which is exactly what he is. ] Eat.
[ jiaoqiu gets the idea that therion is flustered about something but he has no idea what, which is kind of funny. he hums low, and sits up, taking the bag that is pushed into his hands. the smell hits his nose first, and then the sight of the noodles gets him to make a little delighted noise. this looks like it'll be wretched, which is his favorite. little tail wag.
he takes the chopsticks, and expertly picks up some of the noodles to eat. he was correct, they're so obnoxiously hot that he can taste them, and it's the best. he glances at therion as he swallows.
offers him some noodles. ]
Thank you. [ for going to get food, but also, for coming back. ]
[ don't thank him!!! don't have positive emotions towards him!!! as if he is not feeling all squirmy at that stupid little tailwag. he picks at the skewer in his hand, eyes the noodles, and shakes his head, though...he doubts he's going to get away with not actually eating anything.
but he sits properly, legs folded, and just kind of stares at him, belatedly reaching up to pull his hood down to his shoulders and shake out his hair. ]
[ he insists, pushing the other skewer of meat at him. he can have both of them, jiaoqiu is fine with the noodles. he's also fine with silence - though when therion pushes his hood down, it catches jiaoqiu's eye. instinctively, his tail flops over closer to therion, like - c'mere, he likes being within touching range. but also, a beat, as he finishes chewing, and then: ]
he looks down at the tail for a second, and does, eventually, shift a little closer. his tail is huge and takes up a lot of space, anyway, and also he's embarrassed at getting caught staring, so he takes his second skewer that he probably will not eat and then just sits, staring down at it. god. ]
[ instinctively he does wipe his face with his sleeve, even if he figures therion is lying.
he'll be quiet a little longer, eating the noodles, but once those are gone and therion still hasn't taken a bite of food, jiaoqiu hums. ]
Do I need to feed it to you to get you to eat? [ teasing!! but he doesn't wait for an answer for that one. instead, he sets the plastic aside and holds out his hands. stubbornly. ]
[ god. okay!!!! fine. he ROLLS HIS EYES, it is the most dramatic gesture in the entire world, and after a long moment, unfolds and comes over closer....
and then grabs an extra blanket from his blanket nest pile and drops it unceremoniously on his head. this is because he's therion and has to be a brat about it. ]
Warm enough? [ lol. jiaoqiu can hear a snicker in his voice when he says it if he hasn't pulled the blanket off yet - however, his voice sounds closer, and he picks up the fluff of his tail to move it up and out of his way, crawling onto the shitty air mattress to join him - awfully close, really. ]
[ waugh!! the blanket flops over his head and he makes a Noise about it, disgruntled. his ears are smushed under the weight of it, but he doesn't make any move to take it off. therion can probably see his stupid tail doing little swishy movements against the mattress. it betrays him so often.
when therion crawls up to join him, moving his tail, jiaoqiu throws the blanket up over his head as well, smiling innocently. blanket trap!!
he wasn't kidding about being cold, either, he's like. if therion touches him, his hands are frigid. ]
[ he would like to make it clear that he let this happen. his instincts are very cool and tough, and he definitely wouldnt have been caught by this blanket if he didn't want it to happen. it has nothing to do with the fact that he's been through an emotional wringer for the past few hours.
he gives jiaoqiu a very flat look under the blanket when he is captured. therion does not have particularly fancy night vision, so he mostly just sees dark, and then the intimate space of someone else close to you, the desaturated pinks and soft flush of a person's skin, of his hair. he doesn't reach out to touch right away, because he is too preoccupied with the concept of giving him said flat look. ]
Sometimes, you must take matters into your own hands.
[ he jokes primly. he scoots a little closer - because unfortunately he does have some level of night vision, so therion is very clear in the dark of the blankets. he can see that flat look in all its glory, and the horrible thing is that he's very endeared by it, as usual.
it's been a long day. he's walked a mile, he's watched therion go through the gamut of human emotion, it's probably something like two in the morning, and he's properly fed. he's tired. all he wants is to curl up, bony body to bony body, and steal some warmth. he's finding that a shitty building with a draft is almost just as good as his own warm apartment when he's got therion with him.
so, carefully, he scoots over, and deposits himself in therion's lap. not like, sitting, like a normal person. instead, if therion doesn't stop him, he places a pillow in therion's lap, and settles his head and torso on top of it, the rest of his body sprawled out over the mattress. his tail does little flip flop motions, the way a cat's does when they're in a mood. they're still under the blankets, so it's just extra ridiculous. ]
Must be your influence. I'm getting better at stealth.
You're hot pink and your tail is the size of my body. You're the least stealthy person I've ever met.
[ brutal
he says this, but he also does not stop any of this fussing or moving. he does not stop him putting a pillow in his lap, or taking up all the space on this shitty little air mattress. under the cover of this blanket, they could be back at jiaoqiu's place. tomorrow, they'll be staying in a nice hotel, and therion won't be able to sleep there the same he can't sleep here. not tonight, not after the day he's had. when he passes out, it'll be because his body forces him to. but, if jiaoqiu wants to rest, he's not going to stop him. he's even going to let him just pin him down like this, like an overgrown cat.
this is part of the problem, because this is something good. jiaoqiu is the good thing that stays. and looking down at him like that, he thinks about darius' stupid, shitty little manor comment, and he swallows back the glass of anxiety and keeps it buried, keeps it clean off his face. one of his hands comes up to lightly tug at his ear in retribution for his lack of shame, but the fingers curl, and after a moment, he just sets one there. something to keep. something that he's afraid of, in a lot of ways. but something to keep nonetheless. ]
he figures that therion is not going to sleep until he passes out, and that's fine - or, well, it isn't. it's not fine, but he can't force this any more than anything else. what he can do is he can be a blanket, a siren's lure for at least an hour or two of rest. nothing is going to get them here. nobody knows where they are. it's okay. for now, they can just stay, and figure things out when it's bright outside.
the ear tug gets another huffy noise and a flick, but therion rests his hand there after a moment, and jiaoqiu lets him. it's really a mark of trust in return - there's not a single person alive other than therion that jiaoqiu would allow to touch them. he even leans into it a little, encouraging. ]
If you let that food go to waste, you're going to have problems.
[ he informs therion, peeking up at him briefly before settling back down, closing his eyes. if he's going to stay, he's going to make sure that therion is rested, fed, and not strung out on anxiety and whiskey. ]
[ yet another roll of his eyes to that one because he is not scared of jiaoqiu at all. he's perfectly aware of how capable jiaoqiu can be one way or another - god knows he is way smarter than therion - but he's not even remotely scary. then again, therion's scared of basically nothing, except... well. maybe he's a little scary, sometimes.
sarcasm aside, he sighs, put upon, and the hand on his head stays where it is, thin fingers loosely set into hair and fur, scratching a couple times, idly, before his busy fingers find his braid and start undoing it, just for the sake of something to do. the other hand is still holding the skewer - eventually, he takes another bite of it. it's fine, it tastes fine. spicy. but his stomach's still churning with the events of earlier, and to eat at this point is just perfunctory. happy wife, happy life, or something.
they will have to figure it out. he's going to need to steal some better clothes tomorrow, but that's a problem for tomorrow. then, there's the much bigger problem, the darius shaped one that he'd love to just go away, but he's far too cynical to think anything except that it won't. and then there's the biggest problem of all, all of whatever this is. jiaoqiu in his safehouse. the inevitability of what will have to come, one of these days.
he leans back a little against the wall and lets jiaoqiu use him as a human pillow, for now, ready to lapse into his own thoughts. it's really just jiaoqiu chattering at him that's keeping him anchored right here, for now, and maybe that's not a bad thing. ]
[ i am sorry to report that the purring noise happens again when therion pets his ears and unbraids his hair, he's the happiest foxian in the world. it's surprising for him, actually. normally the softer stuff doesn't do anything for him, but. for whatever reason, when it's therion, he takes what he can get and savors it. it makes him sleepy, too, and eventually those half-purrs and his absent chatter get slower and dreamier until he actually does pass out in therion's lap, curled close.
it's not like either of them are particularly warm people, but he presses against therion's stomach, snug, stealing whatever body heat is happening under this blanket. he'll be like that until morning or until therion pushes him off his lap, either one.
and then it's the next day. jiaoqiu is annoying, the entire time. he stays close, and never wanders too far out of therion's line of vision. he's calm and easy-going, not bothered by the fact that they're spending time at this hotel. the goal is to counteract therion's nervous energy.
it's sort of nice to not have to go to work? and really, he likes hanging out all day with therion, doing stupid hotel shit, chilling at the bar, being very bad at video games in the arcade, making faces at the pool. he convinces therion to curl up on their frankly massive bed in their room and watch stupid movies. and when he gets tired of that, he does his best to annoy therion into railing him into the mattress, because what else do you do when you have a five star mattress and a fancy bathtub for after?
it's two days, maybe three, and they're in the room. jiaoqiu is sprawled out on the bed on his stomach, watching therion do whatever he's doing. he's probably admiring the bite marks he left on him. ]
I'm thinking of going downstairs to find us something to eat.
[ initially, the idea of spending a few days in one place knowing what was outside made therion - internally, at least - twitchy. it's not really anyone's fault but his own, for a variety of reasons. there's the fact that he generally doesn't like to be tied down, sure. there's the fact that he chose to be with another person during this time. he tells himself that's deranged of him to do, and yet.
... and yet, it's not, really. the last night in the safehouse was quiet, and he'd be stupid to not realize that having company then was more of a boon than a curse. sure, he'll never admit to himself that he felt better being in that room with jiaoqiu's company. he'll never, ever admit to himself that it made him less anxious, less strung out as a whole, because he was distracted. because he had company, because he opened up his trust a tiny, tiny bit to let someone in, and he slipped through the door like a fox might do.
and he'd be equally stupid not to admit to himself that it makes him feel better to know that jiaoqiu's not getting into trouble. it's not that he doesn't think he's capable, necessarily, he just recognizes he deeply lacks a survival instinct. he might be willing to place parts of his own survival into jiaoqiu's hands - lets him tend his wounds, slinks in when he's injured instead of curling around himself in an alley - but he is not nearly so ready to trust jiaoqiu with. well. jiaoqiu. so.
...so, it's not been that bad. he's twitchy, yes, but he's not unhappy. the hotel is a weird, novel experience - he steals an incredibly nice suit and brushes his hair and checks them in in style, gets the room upgrade just for being so charming (a truly laughable thing to anyone who has ever spent five minutes in his actual company) and then off they go. the counteract to the nervous energy... works. it doesn't work perfectly: he is paranoid, and he will always be paranoid, especially right now, but jiaoqiu lessons it drastically. he finds that he enjoys it more than he thought he was going to, which is scary. he likes the way that quiet seems to melt between them, sometimes. he likes that jiaoqiu is present, too.
and in the end, fooling around at the fancy arcade, the pool, the hot tub in the room, ordering room service... it all feels like playing pretend, right down to having jiaoqiu there with him, but for a couple days, it's not too bad. by the time they're nearing the end of the stay, there's a little less tension on therion's shoulders - at the moment, he's seated on the floor with no shirt on, painting his nails black just for the sake of doing it. the room smells vaguely of acetone and nice soap, after a morning romp through the sheets he was absolutely goaded into. after a few days of this, he feels all... soft... and weird... and... not relaxed, but definitely better, and... clean? wild.
when jiaoqiu speaks up, therion glances over his shoulder at him, raising his eyebrows. ]
Hot pot again? [ he is going to explode from all this spicy food but then again, spending this much time around jiaoqiu means he's getting used to it. ]
[ there's something about watching therion ease up over the days they're here.
the initial bit is rough - jiaoqiu absolutely made a nyeh face when therion showed up in a suit and checked them in with all that glitz and glamor. he cleans up nicely, but jiaoqiu vastly prefers the grit. he likes the therion that creeps in through his windows and stuffs wads of cash into the drywall and wears his clothes to threadbare. once he's got therion out of the suit and back to normal, he starts to ease too - and it's far better than he thought it'd be. he watches therion grin at him, he watches therion joke and tease him and never relax, not really, but something close.
it does feel a little like playing pretend. dreamy and sort of unreal, the kind of thing he'd never indulge in while drifting. but it's not unwelcome. it's about the best thing he's had in years. he's spoiled, he thinks. he's so present. there's not a single time in these three days that he's turned off, and it's a little overwhelming to be so open to the world around him. he can remember everything - he hasn't lost hours to the void. therion probably has noticed the difference.
this much time with him makes it really difficult for jiaoqiu to keep lying to himself about how he's starting to feel, but he's doing his best. which is not very, as he watches therion paint his nails. his chest is burning with it, expression softer than he means for it to be. ]
It cures all ails. [ he says, cheerfully, tail wagging absently. ] I can go pick some up while your nails dry.
[ it's a marked thing, jiaoqiu's presence. he's come to visit him over short spans of days where he saw jiaoqiu only return to reality two days in, because therion got frustrated and dragged him out of it by his feet, forced the lights on through brute force. but here - never once, in the past few days, has he watched jiaoqiu wade into the muck, not even for a second. he is lively, and bright enough to hurt therion's eyes, but for once, he hasn't squinted to look away.
this is the best way he could have possibly handled this, though he doesn't really realize it. his own paranoia combined with the most tentatively formed trust in the world has solidified into icy ground, slippery and spiderwebbed with cracks, but thickening by the day. eating meals together, spending time together, curling up to watch movies together - therion likes horror movies and complains at romantic subplots, makes shitty commentary throughout every film like the worst person - has slowly eased apart some of the barbed wire in his ribcage, and bit by bit, maybe he's starting to heal. that's the thing. wounds of betrayal run deep: but when you learn how to have faith in others again is when you slowly begin to heal.
of course, none of this is in his mind at the moment. the only thing on his mind at the moment is not fucking up his ring finger with the black paint before he inevitably ruins it by biting his nails, and the siren call of hot pot.
he glances up at jiaoqiu, eyes moving to his wagging tail and then back to his face, a little judgy but clearly amused. ]
Didn't realize you were ailing. [ but okay. ] Don't use a card.
[ the paranoia never goes away, actually, but, you know. they've been down to the hot pot place a couple of times now, so - it should be fine, but still. ]
After this morning, it's amazing that I can walk...
[ he says, in a joking tone - exaggerated, always making fun of himself for being old or not athletic. the judgy look does not bother him in the least. it's clear he's as amused as therion is. ]
I'll use cash. Pick another movie to watch for when I'm back, hm?
[ he slides off the bed, and presses a kiss to therion's cheek, because he can. because there's trust there, because he can't get enough of being able to kiss therion, because there's some measure of healing happening for both of them. and then he straightens up, running his fingers through therion's hair absently. on goes his jacket, and a scarf that he's been in a months-long battle with therion over - it's his today, therion can have it tomorrow - and he's off. he'll be right back.
he should be right back. but... an hour passes, and he isn't. it shouldn't take this long, right? ]
I'll start apologizing when you stop asking for it.
[ this could be a terrible thing to say only it is so true. in fact, if they didn't go at each other with this intensity, it probably never would've gotten here in the first place. needless to say, it was not hard to convince therion to rail him into the bed at all.
the kiss to his cheek, like it has lately, makes his stupid little heart squeeze up in his chest like a wrung out dishtowel - he looks up from what he's doing when he runs his hand through his hair, even, and there's a blink and you'll miss it hint of a tiny, tiny smile as he ducks his head back down, a 'hah' noise escaping his mouth at the thought of a movie. ]
Yeah, yeah. [ a pause, as he's at the door, stealing his scarf (rude?) and then - ]
... Be careful. [ therion says, and watches him leave the room.
and then he's gone. time passes. he finishes his shitty paint job that he'll inevitably pick off with his teeth in two days, and he scrolls through the room service offerings, and he waits. and he waits. and he waits.
at forty minutes, he starts to feel a twist in his gut. it's not so much the time passing - sometimes places like that take time. he has stood in line with jiaoqiu at any number of hole in the wall places in this city where he's been told that the wait is because of the culinary techniques or something that he kind of tuned out when he bitched about it taking forever. so it's not the time. it's his gut.
therion trusts his gut. it is in fact, the only thing in the entire world (maybe?) that he trusts. he knows when things are going south, and when a heist isn't worth it, and when he needs to book it. it's rare that he's completely surprised. and there is something in his gut that is telling him something is wrong. he looks over at the nightstand, looks at the empty room.
and then he gets up, feeling dread starting to build in his chest, and shoves his feet into his boots, zips up his coat and puts on his hoodie, and descends the emergency exit staircase of the fancy, fancy hotel, back out into the shadows like he's supposed to be. the entire time, his heart thuds, as he makes his way down the street. maybe he tripped off into the void he always seems to stand at the edge of and walked in front of traffic. no, that's stupid. maybe he's just exchanging cooking secrets with the granny who owns this tiny hot pot place. that seems more likely. no matter what it is, he cannot stop that awful, gnawing feeling of dread growing the further down the street he makes it, when he doesn't see any pink.
and when he gets to the restaurant, he slips in silently past the crowd, and combs the entire place, top to bottom, looking - looking. ]
[ the restaurant is pretty full, but - jiaoqiu is the kind of person that stands out in a crowd. there's no sign of pink hair, tail or ears. he's not outside, and he's not on the streets around, he's not talking to the cashier or the owner. there's no trace of him at all - did he even ever get here?
most of the crowd is human, save for the borisin at the corner of the room. everybody gives them a huge berth, sliding away from tables close to them as they tear into their food. there's a couple of whispers, even, that therion might catch. whispers like are they even allowed to be here? and who is going to tell them to leave?
they're chatting, the borisin, between ravenous bites. laughing about something, a job. easiest job they've ever done, even. the boss is going to be entertained for weeks with this one - there's nothing like a deal born of mutual convenience. what a sucker that one guy is, right? ]
[ that's - worrying. all of this is worrying, actually. the sight of the borisin more or less confirms his bad juju feeling, and he watches them tear at their barely cooked dinner for an uneasy moment. it brings to mind the look on jiaoqiu's face when he came back with that bite, the way he'd had to force himself not to have a panic attack, the story he'd told him, the parts he'd insinuated by reading between the lines.
don't tell me you did something stupid. therion thinks to himself, probably unfairly. maybe jiaoqiu saw the borisin and got spooked- therion's not an optimist, so he doubts it. and, even if he had, wouldn't he have just come back to the hotel? but a little, nasty, all too familiar voice in his head reminds him, why run to another predator if you're afraid?
that aside, it's unusual to see them out and about in this ritzy, fancy quarter of the city, and the thought immediately has the hair on the back of his neck standing up, every iota of slight relaxation forgotten. thankfully, this part is something he's very good at. with a large crowd, therion is able to seamlessly slip into the takeout line and towards the restrooms, blending into the vibrant atmosphere and stopping close enough to eavesdrop.
[ it is weird that they're here - it's a ritzy part of town and most borisin in this city aren't known to be really rolling in cash. fortunately, they're blabbermouths, grunting at each other as they eat the rare meat in front of them.
okay - but we don't tell the boss we took the foxian's money, right? that can just be between the two of us. he practically gave it away. and it's not like the boss needs it, that's not what he's interested in. but like, just in case. because he did have to pay that ginger guy a lot of money for the info, so maybe he would've liked to have whatever cash was on him. ah well, it's too late, we spent it already. this place is so fancy. haha, but maybe we should head back faster to get seconds. think the boss will keep any leftovers?
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he puts the apples back in the fridge, but it's like scraping a layer of dirt off his heart. he's less quietly, consistently miserable.
the money makes him laugh a little. he is like a squirrel. jesus.
but unless there's something else to look at in here - that black box is going to be vaguely on his mind forever - he's just going to go flop down in the nest of blankets and doze until therion comes back. as much as he can, anyway, considering the train. it's a bit easier to tune out over time. ]
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it takes therion a while to come back, maybe longer than you'd expect. he's too jumpy and paranoid to go anywhere remotely near here or jiaoqiu's workplace, anywhere he might be followed, just in case, and he makes his way halfway across town, to a street food cart selling really spicy noodles for the late night crowd. it's then and only then that he loops back to the pharmacy, to check to make sure that no one is lurking around, or that darius didn't decide to come rob the place for whatever deranged reason. he checks silently and unnoticed on sushang, too. and then, once he's sure, he takes a completely different route back to the safehouse.
the food's tucked into his hoodie, kept warm against his chest. and jiaoqiu, while he's dozing, can hear eventually the sound of rustling plastic from outside, and then therion comes through that tiny little window, squeezing through like it's nothing. he's not trying to be particularly sneaky getting in - this is his own damn place, kind of - so he doesn't bother, and shuts the window as a train rattles by, then... glances over at jiaoqiu.
still here. he breathes out something he didn't know he was holding, and then gets embarrassed about it, and squats down by his head, then annoyingly rattles the plastic bag by his ears. good morning ]
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no, he dozes for a while, buried in therion's blankets. it's kind of nice that they smell like him, even if it's faint. and when therion finally makes his way over, he is treated to the sight of jiaoqiu's ears perking up and his tail swishing lazily, like a sleepy old dog that's excited to see someone. his eyes take a moment to follow suit, gold slits peeking open and peering up at him from where his face is half smushed into the pillow and blanket.
a beat, and he does a stretchy. and then: ]
Hello. [ uwu ] Everything alright?
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the entire way up the fire escape was therion preparing himself for what he was going to see, reminding himself that the person in his safehouse was allowed to be there, for some insane reason, that he trusts (?) him, mostly, that he's not an enemy (probably), but by the time he gets up and through the window, he doesn't have that reaction at all. he's just kind of struck by it in the worst kind of way, feeling that molten-lava-core curl up and burst and harden into rock and burst again, enough that it makes his chest briefly hurt. just. he looks so - comfortable. so... relaxed, smiling like that, so. so just a fixture, in a life that has never been anything that transient that he's feeling like it's hard to breathe.
he forces himself to suck in a breath, and just makes a noise, pushing the bag into his hands. there's the noodles that are violently red in a plastic container, still warm, and some kind of meat on a stick that went with it. there's just the one serving and some chopsticks, and he takes one of the two skewers and just sits, feeling Some Kind Of Way and very bad at handling it. ]
Mn. [ the grunt is an answer. he's not always a wordsmith. ] 's the only thing that was open.
[ not...entirely...untrue.... but that does leave out his canvassing like an obsessive crazy paranoid person which is exactly what he is. ] Eat.
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he takes the chopsticks, and expertly picks up some of the noodles to eat. he was correct, they're so obnoxiously hot that he can taste them, and it's the best. he glances at therion as he swallows.
offers him some noodles. ]
Thank you. [ for going to get food, but also, for coming back. ]
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[ don't thank him!!! don't have positive emotions towards him!!! as if he is not feeling all squirmy at that stupid little tailwag. he picks at the skewer in his hand, eyes the noodles, and shakes his head, though...he doubts he's going to get away with not actually eating anything.
but he sits properly, legs folded, and just kind of stares at him, belatedly reaching up to pull his hood down to his shoulders and shake out his hair. ]
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[ he insists, pushing the other skewer of meat at him. he can have both of them, jiaoqiu is fine with the noodles. he's also fine with silence - though when therion pushes his hood down, it catches jiaoqiu's eye. instinctively, his tail flops over closer to therion, like - c'mere, he likes being within touching range. but also, a beat, as he finishes chewing, and then: ]
You're staring.
[ does he have something on his face ]
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[ no he doesn't. he is just lying.
he looks down at the tail for a second, and does, eventually, shift a little closer. his tail is huge and takes up a lot of space, anyway, and also he's embarrassed at getting caught staring, so he takes his second skewer that he probably will not eat and then just sits, staring down at it. god. ]
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he'll be quiet a little longer, eating the noodles, but once those are gone and therion still hasn't taken a bite of food, jiaoqiu hums. ]
Do I need to feed it to you to get you to eat? [ teasing!! but he doesn't wait for an answer for that one. instead, he sets the plastic aside and holds out his hands. stubbornly. ]
I'm cold. Be a good host and warm me up.
[ c'mere. just play along, this once. ]
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and then grabs an extra blanket from his blanket nest pile and drops it unceremoniously on his head. this is because he's therion and has to be a brat about it. ]
Warm enough? [ lol. jiaoqiu can hear a snicker in his voice when he says it if he hasn't pulled the blanket off yet - however, his voice sounds closer, and he picks up the fluff of his tail to move it up and out of his way, crawling onto the shitty air mattress to join him - awfully close, really. ]
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when therion crawls up to join him, moving his tail, jiaoqiu throws the blanket up over his head as well, smiling innocently. blanket trap!!
he wasn't kidding about being cold, either, he's like. if therion touches him, his hands are frigid. ]
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he gives jiaoqiu a very flat look under the blanket when he is captured. therion does not have particularly fancy night vision, so he mostly just sees dark, and then the intimate space of someone else close to you, the desaturated pinks and soft flush of a person's skin, of his hair. he doesn't reach out to touch right away, because he is too preoccupied with the concept of giving him said flat look. ]
Wow. Never could've seen that coming.
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[ he jokes primly. he scoots a little closer - because unfortunately he does have some level of night vision, so therion is very clear in the dark of the blankets. he can see that flat look in all its glory, and the horrible thing is that he's very endeared by it, as usual.
it's been a long day. he's walked a mile, he's watched therion go through the gamut of human emotion, it's probably something like two in the morning, and he's properly fed. he's tired. all he wants is to curl up, bony body to bony body, and steal some warmth. he's finding that a shitty building with a draft is almost just as good as his own warm apartment when he's got therion with him.
so, carefully, he scoots over, and deposits himself in therion's lap. not like, sitting, like a normal person. instead, if therion doesn't stop him, he places a pillow in therion's lap, and settles his head and torso on top of it, the rest of his body sprawled out over the mattress. his tail does little flip flop motions, the way a cat's does when they're in a mood. they're still under the blankets, so it's just extra ridiculous. ]
Must be your influence. I'm getting better at stealth.
[ uh huh ]
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[ brutal
he says this, but he also does not stop any of this fussing or moving. he does not stop him putting a pillow in his lap, or taking up all the space on this shitty little air mattress. under the cover of this blanket, they could be back at jiaoqiu's place. tomorrow, they'll be staying in a nice hotel, and therion won't be able to sleep there the same he can't sleep here. not tonight, not after the day he's had. when he passes out, it'll be because his body forces him to. but, if jiaoqiu wants to rest, he's not going to stop him. he's even going to let him just pin him down like this, like an overgrown cat.
this is part of the problem, because this is something good. jiaoqiu is the good thing that stays. and looking down at him like that, he thinks about darius' stupid, shitty little manor comment, and he swallows back the glass of anxiety and keeps it buried, keeps it clean off his face. one of his hands comes up to lightly tug at his ear in retribution for his lack of shame, but the fingers curl, and after a moment, he just sets one there. something to keep. something that he's afraid of, in a lot of ways. but something to keep nonetheless. ]
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[ he whines, but it's a joke. he doesn't care.
he figures that therion is not going to sleep until he passes out, and that's fine - or, well, it isn't. it's not fine, but he can't force this any more than anything else. what he can do is he can be a blanket, a siren's lure for at least an hour or two of rest. nothing is going to get them here. nobody knows where they are. it's okay. for now, they can just stay, and figure things out when it's bright outside.
the ear tug gets another huffy noise and a flick, but therion rests his hand there after a moment, and jiaoqiu lets him. it's really a mark of trust in return - there's not a single person alive other than therion that jiaoqiu would allow to touch them. he even leans into it a little, encouraging. ]
If you let that food go to waste, you're going to have problems.
[ he informs therion, peeking up at him briefly before settling back down, closing his eyes. if he's going to stay, he's going to make sure that therion is rested, fed, and not strung out on anxiety and whiskey. ]
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[ yet another roll of his eyes to that one because he is not scared of jiaoqiu at all. he's perfectly aware of how capable jiaoqiu can be one way or another - god knows he is way smarter than therion - but he's not even remotely scary. then again, therion's scared of basically nothing, except... well. maybe he's a little scary, sometimes.
sarcasm aside, he sighs, put upon, and the hand on his head stays where it is, thin fingers loosely set into hair and fur, scratching a couple times, idly, before his busy fingers find his braid and start undoing it, just for the sake of something to do. the other hand is still holding the skewer - eventually, he takes another bite of it. it's fine, it tastes fine. spicy. but his stomach's still churning with the events of earlier, and to eat at this point is just perfunctory. happy wife, happy life, or something.
they will have to figure it out. he's going to need to steal some better clothes tomorrow, but that's a problem for tomorrow. then, there's the much bigger problem, the darius shaped one that he'd love to just go away, but he's far too cynical to think anything except that it won't. and then there's the biggest problem of all, all of whatever this is. jiaoqiu in his safehouse. the inevitability of what will have to come, one of these days.
he leans back a little against the wall and lets jiaoqiu use him as a human pillow, for now, ready to lapse into his own thoughts. it's really just jiaoqiu chattering at him that's keeping him anchored right here, for now, and maybe that's not a bad thing. ]
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it's not like either of them are particularly warm people, but he presses against therion's stomach, snug, stealing whatever body heat is happening under this blanket. he'll be like that until morning or until therion pushes him off his lap, either one.
and then it's the next day. jiaoqiu is annoying, the entire time. he stays close, and never wanders too far out of therion's line of vision. he's calm and easy-going, not bothered by the fact that they're spending time at this hotel. the goal is to counteract therion's nervous energy.
it's sort of nice to not have to go to work? and really, he likes hanging out all day with therion, doing stupid hotel shit, chilling at the bar, being very bad at video games in the arcade, making faces at the pool. he convinces therion to curl up on their frankly massive bed in their room and watch stupid movies. and when he gets tired of that, he does his best to annoy therion into railing him into the mattress, because what else do you do when you have a five star mattress and a fancy bathtub for after?
it's two days, maybe three, and they're in the room. jiaoqiu is sprawled out on the bed on his stomach, watching therion do whatever he's doing. he's probably admiring the bite marks he left on him. ]
I'm thinking of going downstairs to find us something to eat.
[ he says, with a little yawn. ]
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... and yet, it's not, really. the last night in the safehouse was quiet, and he'd be stupid to not realize that having company then was more of a boon than a curse. sure, he'll never admit to himself that he felt better being in that room with jiaoqiu's company. he'll never, ever admit to himself that it made him less anxious, less strung out as a whole, because he was distracted. because he had company, because he opened up his trust a tiny, tiny bit to let someone in, and he slipped through the door like a fox might do.
and he'd be equally stupid not to admit to himself that it makes him feel better to know that jiaoqiu's not getting into trouble. it's not that he doesn't think he's capable, necessarily, he just recognizes he deeply lacks a survival instinct. he might be willing to place parts of his own survival into jiaoqiu's hands - lets him tend his wounds, slinks in when he's injured instead of curling around himself in an alley - but he is not nearly so ready to trust jiaoqiu with. well. jiaoqiu. so.
...so, it's not been that bad. he's twitchy, yes, but he's not unhappy. the hotel is a weird, novel experience - he steals an incredibly nice suit and brushes his hair and checks them in in style, gets the room upgrade just for being so charming (a truly laughable thing to anyone who has ever spent five minutes in his actual company) and then off they go. the counteract to the nervous energy... works. it doesn't work perfectly: he is paranoid, and he will always be paranoid, especially right now, but jiaoqiu lessons it drastically. he finds that he enjoys it more than he thought he was going to, which is scary. he likes the way that quiet seems to melt between them, sometimes. he likes that jiaoqiu is present, too.
and in the end, fooling around at the fancy arcade, the pool, the hot tub in the room, ordering room service... it all feels like playing pretend, right down to having jiaoqiu there with him, but for a couple days, it's not too bad. by the time they're nearing the end of the stay, there's a little less tension on therion's shoulders - at the moment, he's seated on the floor with no shirt on, painting his nails black just for the sake of doing it. the room smells vaguely of acetone and nice soap, after a morning romp through the sheets he was absolutely goaded into. after a few days of this, he feels all... soft... and weird... and... not relaxed, but definitely better, and... clean? wild.
when jiaoqiu speaks up, therion glances over his shoulder at him, raising his eyebrows. ]
Hot pot again? [ he is going to explode from all this spicy food but then again, spending this much time around jiaoqiu means he's getting used to it. ]
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the initial bit is rough - jiaoqiu absolutely made a nyeh face when therion showed up in a suit and checked them in with all that glitz and glamor. he cleans up nicely, but jiaoqiu vastly prefers the grit. he likes the therion that creeps in through his windows and stuffs wads of cash into the drywall and wears his clothes to threadbare. once he's got therion out of the suit and back to normal, he starts to ease too - and it's far better than he thought it'd be. he watches therion grin at him, he watches therion joke and tease him and never relax, not really, but something close.
it does feel a little like playing pretend. dreamy and sort of unreal, the kind of thing he'd never indulge in while drifting. but it's not unwelcome. it's about the best thing he's had in years. he's spoiled, he thinks. he's so present. there's not a single time in these three days that he's turned off, and it's a little overwhelming to be so open to the world around him. he can remember everything - he hasn't lost hours to the void. therion probably has noticed the difference.
this much time with him makes it really difficult for jiaoqiu to keep lying to himself about how he's starting to feel, but he's doing his best. which is not very, as he watches therion paint his nails. his chest is burning with it, expression softer than he means for it to be. ]
It cures all ails. [ he says, cheerfully, tail wagging absently. ] I can go pick some up while your nails dry.
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this is the best way he could have possibly handled this, though he doesn't really realize it. his own paranoia combined with the most tentatively formed trust in the world has solidified into icy ground, slippery and spiderwebbed with cracks, but thickening by the day. eating meals together, spending time together, curling up to watch movies together - therion likes horror movies and complains at romantic subplots, makes shitty commentary throughout every film like the worst person - has slowly eased apart some of the barbed wire in his ribcage, and bit by bit, maybe he's starting to heal. that's the thing. wounds of betrayal run deep: but when you learn how to have faith in others again is when you slowly begin to heal.
of course, none of this is in his mind at the moment. the only thing on his mind at the moment is not fucking up his ring finger with the black paint before he inevitably ruins it by biting his nails, and the siren call of hot pot.
he glances up at jiaoqiu, eyes moving to his wagging tail and then back to his face, a little judgy but clearly amused. ]
Didn't realize you were ailing. [ but okay. ] Don't use a card.
[ the paranoia never goes away, actually, but, you know. they've been down to the hot pot place a couple of times now, so - it should be fine, but still. ]
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[ he says, in a joking tone - exaggerated, always making fun of himself for being old or not athletic. the judgy look does not bother him in the least. it's clear he's as amused as therion is. ]
I'll use cash. Pick another movie to watch for when I'm back, hm?
[ he slides off the bed, and presses a kiss to therion's cheek, because he can. because there's trust there, because he can't get enough of being able to kiss therion, because there's some measure of healing happening for both of them. and then he straightens up, running his fingers through therion's hair absently. on goes his jacket, and a scarf that he's been in a months-long battle with therion over - it's his today, therion can have it tomorrow - and he's off. he'll be right back.
he should be right back. but... an hour passes, and he isn't. it shouldn't take this long, right? ]
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[ this could be a terrible thing to say only it is so true. in fact, if they didn't go at each other with this intensity, it probably never would've gotten here in the first place. needless to say, it was not hard to convince therion to rail him into the bed at all.
the kiss to his cheek, like it has lately, makes his stupid little heart squeeze up in his chest like a wrung out dishtowel - he looks up from what he's doing when he runs his hand through his hair, even, and there's a blink and you'll miss it hint of a tiny, tiny smile as he ducks his head back down, a 'hah' noise escaping his mouth at the thought of a movie. ]
Yeah, yeah. [ a pause, as he's at the door, stealing his scarf (rude?) and then - ]
... Be careful. [ therion says, and watches him leave the room.
and then he's gone. time passes. he finishes his shitty paint job that he'll inevitably pick off with his teeth in two days, and he scrolls through the room service offerings, and he waits. and he waits. and he waits.
at forty minutes, he starts to feel a twist in his gut. it's not so much the time passing - sometimes places like that take time. he has stood in line with jiaoqiu at any number of hole in the wall places in this city where he's been told that the wait is because of the culinary techniques or something that he kind of tuned out when he bitched about it taking forever. so it's not the time. it's his gut.
therion trusts his gut. it is in fact, the only thing in the entire world (maybe?) that he trusts. he knows when things are going south, and when a heist isn't worth it, and when he needs to book it. it's rare that he's completely surprised. and there is something in his gut that is telling him something is wrong. he looks over at the nightstand, looks at the empty room.
and then he gets up, feeling dread starting to build in his chest, and shoves his feet into his boots, zips up his coat and puts on his hoodie, and descends the emergency exit staircase of the fancy, fancy hotel, back out into the shadows like he's supposed to be. the entire time, his heart thuds, as he makes his way down the street. maybe he tripped off into the void he always seems to stand at the edge of and walked in front of traffic. no, that's stupid. maybe he's just exchanging cooking secrets with the granny who owns this tiny hot pot place. that seems more likely. no matter what it is, he cannot stop that awful, gnawing feeling of dread growing the further down the street he makes it, when he doesn't see any pink.
and when he gets to the restaurant, he slips in silently past the crowd, and combs the entire place, top to bottom, looking - looking. ]
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most of the crowd is human, save for the borisin at the corner of the room. everybody gives them a huge berth, sliding away from tables close to them as they tear into their food. there's a couple of whispers, even, that therion might catch. whispers like are they even allowed to be here? and who is going to tell them to leave?
they're chatting, the borisin, between ravenous bites. laughing about something, a job. easiest job they've ever done, even. the boss is going to be entertained for weeks with this one - there's nothing like a deal born of mutual convenience. what a sucker that one guy is, right? ]
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don't tell me you did something stupid. therion thinks to himself, probably unfairly. maybe jiaoqiu saw the borisin and got spooked- therion's not an optimist, so he doubts it. and, even if he had, wouldn't he have just come back to the hotel? but a little, nasty, all too familiar voice in his head reminds him, why run to another predator if you're afraid?
that aside, it's unusual to see them out and about in this ritzy, fancy quarter of the city, and the thought immediately has the hair on the back of his neck standing up, every iota of slight relaxation forgotten. thankfully, this part is something he's very good at. with a large crowd, therion is able to seamlessly slip into the takeout line and towards the restrooms, blending into the vibrant atmosphere and stopping close enough to eavesdrop.
Alright, big mouth. Keep talking. ]
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okay - but we don't tell the boss we took the foxian's money, right? that can just be between the two of us. he practically gave it away. and it's not like the boss needs it, that's not what he's interested in. but like, just in case. because he did have to pay that ginger guy a lot of money for the info, so maybe he would've liked to have whatever cash was on him. ah well, it's too late, we spent it already. this place is so fancy. haha, but maybe we should head back faster to get seconds. think the boss will keep any leftovers?
they're already starting to get up to leave. ]
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