[ time passes. it's slow and fast all at once, and whenever therion is not in town, it's the same. wake up. wander to work. come home, make dinner. go to sleep. there's really nothing else for him to do, which is life as usual. this is the way he's lived for a very long time, and he doesn't expect it to change.
still. it's nice, when it isn't that. when the days don't pass like he doesn't see them at all. he still leaves apples in his fridge, just in case.
jiaoqiu is a light sleeper. it was a habit he picked up during his time as a military healer, having to get up and go without warning. and besides that, he pretty often has nightmares, so it's not unusual for him to just never reach deep sleep at all. his hearing and sense of smell are excellent, and he's sensitive to the changes in his apartment - so therion is dead silent, but all it takes is the difference in air pressure as the fridge opens in the other room, and jiaoqiu's ear flicks as he wakes.
at first, he thinks he's being robbed. that's funny, to him. there's nothing worth stealing in his apartment. but then he catches the smell of something spicy, and a much more familiar scent. therion. he knows that anywhere, the creased leather, earthy, something warm like a campfire. and when he realizes, he sits up in his bed, and pushes the covers away.
it's quiet enough in his apartment that therion will likely hear the door to jiaoqiu's bedroom open, and see jiaoqiu in just a long shirt and no pants, tail swishing lightly behind him, peering at him with softly glowing gold eyes in the dark.
he hears it as he’s trying to figure out where the hell to put the produce - jiaoqiu’s fridge is vast compared to anything he’s ever had, and he’s trying to be sneaky- and the minuscule sound of the door opening sends him straightening up like an alert cat. if he had fur, it would all be standing on end as he freezes, still halfway in the fridge.
and - it’s not to say that he panics. he does not panic. he is a seasoned thief who has wriggled out of many situations, he does not panic, but he immediately freezes, holding incredibly still as he is faced with the reality of his choices that have led him to this moment. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He could just lie and gaslight him into thinking it’s a dream. he could just say he’s here to steal food and leave. But the thing is, he is still holding a stupid bunch of leafy greens, clearly visible in one hand.
There’s a long moment of silence. He slowly turns his head to look.
for a long moment, jiaoqiu just watches him, expression faintly amused. and then he steps forward out of his room and towards the kitchen, and stops in the doorway, leaning against it. his tail continues to swish back and forth, mischievous. ]
A fox awakes in the middle of the night to find a wolf in his kitchen. [ say it like a normal person, weirdo. ] Am I being robbed?
oh that stupid swaying tail spells trouble. the minute, no the SECOND that jiaoqiu comes closer, therion shoves the produce into the fridge and shuts the door hard, turning around to put himself bodily in front of it. thank fucking god its dark in this stupid apartment because his face is turning bright red, tan or otherwise.
boned. he's completely, totally caught. fools-bangle-on-the-wrist caught. he makes a face - a scowl, of course, because he doesn't have any good explanation or anything that isn't just even more mortifying so he scoffs, loudly. still guarding this fridge with his LIFE. ]
If I was robbing you, you'd have no idea.
[ HMPH!!!
jiaoqiu, being the kind of person he is, might not be able to see the stuff in the fridge. but what he can see is the bundles of small fragrant herbs that are still sitting on the counter. therion realizes this about three seconds too late. ]
jiaoqiu has this realization, and has to immediately shove it down where he can't see it. he watches therion slam the door shut, watches him act like he's about to be stabbed or made fun of, and like - yeah, jiaoqiu does want to make fun of him a little bit. and he will, but he's gathering an idea of what's going on here, and it makes his heart stutter-skip in his chest. a thief, bringing him spices. a cat bringing a mouse, hiding it for him to find later.
he stays leaning against the doorway, tail still going. ]
Then, what is it that you're doing? If you're not robbing me.
shut up! therion scowls even more, still absolutely plastered to the door as the flush on his face begins to get worse. there is absolutely no saving this, which therion is acutely aware of, but that does mean he will not hold onto the only shreds of his dignity he can actually hold onto in this stupid moment. his ears are so red. ]
Does it matter?
[ blustering, he turns his nose up but does not move away from the fridge. yes it matters he literally asked. ]
You are in my house in the dead of night. I could call the authorities on you.
[ don't tease him about this help. he would never, and it's very clear.
jiaoqiu pushes himself off the doorway, and moves over to therion. or rather, he moves over to the fragrant herbs, which he picks up in one clawed hand. a beat, as he weighs them, tosses them up and down gently, and then glances at therion. ]
These are hard to come by. Did you find these for me?
[ okay, sure. like he believes that. instead, therion leans even harder against the fridge and tries to play it off but it's not at all played off, folding his arms instead and continuing not to look at him. he puts on the most absolutely and completely unaffected tone of voice he physically can. ]
Just happened to come by it. Didn't know what it was.
[ that is such a bad lie it is SO obvious he brought them here. ]
[ a pause. he puts the spices down, and then moves closer to therion - reaches out one hand, telegraphed as always. he makes sure that therion sees him resting a hand on the side of his face that isn't covered by hair, stroking his thumb against therion's cheek. ]
Thank you, Therion.
[ simply. lightly, casual, like it doesn't mean a whole lot to him. ]
see, it's the telegraphed movement - he is fully expecting... something else? he doesn't even know what, but its the way he lifts his hand into his vision and moves it so deliberately. therion doubts jiaoqiu even knows how bad his vision is in his bad eye, but it feels like such a purposeful gesture that it feels like being shocked, somewhere between delight and confusion and fear of being known.
he freezes, hand on his face - it's hot to the touch, he is clearly very embarrassed - but his mouth opens, and then closes, eyes wide and surprised at the simple, sincere... gratitude. it completely throws him off guard. his heart swells so hard he can't swallow around it.
there's a full beat.
and then the fluster takes fully and he shakes his head against the gesture, jittering away from it, scoffing as he tries to sidestep the enormous feeling of being known, in more ways than one. ]
-- Whatever. [ nyeh!! his sass dies because he has no actual comeback. ]
[ the path of nihility isn't necessarily something that people choose to follow. most times, it just happens. it sneaks up after a traumatic experience and it crawls into your lungs, and it sticks, like a disease. jiaoqiu had always likened it to asthma - chronic, flares up when you overexert yourself, makes it so you can't breathe, but otherwise silent and waiting whenever you let your guard down. he hadn't sought out this path, but it had come to him at the end of a long journey, after a war and an empty campsite and a full cauldron.
but it isn't always present. like now, as therion blushes and flusters over being told bare minimum. the nothing disperses. the hum of the fridge rattles in his veins, therion's breathing is a touch harsher, and two floors down, there's a television playing something just out of his range. there is a need, here, he thinks. for him or for therion, he's not sure, but it's a need to make things better, to fix or to coax or something and it's been so very long since he's wanted to save anything that he latches onto it. a first step forward.
like he could pull a wolf's paw out of a bear trap. like he could pull his own out, too.
jiaoqiu lets out a huffy little laugh, and pulls his hand back gently. ]
Shall I leave you to restocking? [ tease, tease. ] I'll be going back to bed. You're welcome to join me when you're finished. Perhaps I can thank you properly.
[ when jiaoqiu's hand leaves his face, therion can still feel it like a brand. soft, tender, a touch that's happened once or twice now but never leaves him anything less than surprised. tenderness is and will always be so utterly new that it leaves him feeling skittish as much as it leaves him wanting to run into it, to turn his face into it like a child then shame himself for even instinctually thinking so.
jiaoqiu throws him off guard, and it's terrifying. there is a need, and that's terrifying, too - when therion needs something, he just takes it. when therion wants something, it can become his. a greedy parasite who feeds off of others, staring into the face of a someone who is assembling themselves in front of what might be a void of nothing to steal. that's what makes it so scary. how does he handle kindness that is simply given?
the tease gets his shoulders to hunch and he gives jiaoqiu another glare as he pulls his hand back, and then shoves his own hands in his pockets, embarrassed as he ducks out of the way of him and gets some distance between them - distance, distance, he needs that. the touch feels like it left behind a brand. ]
Past your bedtime, isn't it, old man? [ the quip comes out like armor, deadpan, and he lets out a dry scoff, shaking his head. in the silence of the apartment and the silence of the frigid cold outside, his own words are quieter like maybe this could just be some kind of dream. ] I was just leaving.
[ he answers, unfazed by the bite. another tail swish, and he lets therion scoot away, out of his reach. he will put the spices away... and then glance over his shoulder at him with a little smile. ]
You're welcome to whatever food is in there, as well as the shower, and my bed, should you want to. Otherwise, I'll see you... ah, when I see you, I suppose.
[ probably another month, which means his life is going to be on fast forward again, but it's fine. he waits a moment, like he wants to say something else, but then he shakes his head, and pads off towards his bedroom. for as much as he'd like to keep trying to coax, he knows that he can't push too hard. he can only leave an open hand out, and wait. ]
therion opens his mouth and closes it, then makes a disgruntled, dismissive noise - brushing it off, like always. they've had this specific conversation before. months ago, now, where therion was injured and desperate, a wolf with his leg caught in a trap, indeed. maybe he's desperate, now.
jiaoqiu can likely feel therion's eyes on him the entire way back, just like then. then, he shakes his head to himself, gritting his teeth, resisting the urge to growl - stupid, stupid. stupid to get caught, stupid to let himself feel those emotions, stupid to let himself feel like any kind of attachment is a good idea. he berates himself internally as he makes his way to the window again. ignores the offer to shower, to stay, even to eat or steal snacks, too embarrassed and flustered and proud.
he reaches the windowframe, and pauses, hands on the handle - and it strikes him that the metal is cold.
it's frigid cold outside. the bitter chill of winter has been seeping in through his shitty, hole ridden shelter, lately. though he resists the cold well enough from years of stubbornness, from years of the streets, he pauses. because this room is warm. because this apartment, this place is warm. this bed, this person, this offer, they're warm and they're wanting - of him, for some deranged fucking reason. there's nothing to take because there's something to give.
he stands there, precipice of decision. precipice between the outside, between his lone wolf propensities, and the fox with the open door. between the safety of the life he lives at a distance, and the absolute terror of a warm house and home.
....
it's about ten minutes later, when silently, the door to jiaoqiu's bedroom opens. if he's asleep, that's all the better for it. therion is moving even more carefully now, trying to barely dislodge the door itself if it's closed as he opens it - if its open, he's as silent and still as a ghost, his heart pounding in his ears, as he gingerly lifts the covers, and moves to slide into the familiar bed beside him. ]
he leaves himself open, too - he doesn't chase, and he doesn't let himself expect. instead, he curls back up in his bed, in the warm spot he left behind, and pulls his blankets back close. and he dozes, light, because he's always too afraid to let himself sleep too deeply. it's cold, and the nightmares come more easily when it is.
when he hears someone at the door, he's awake. but he pretends not to be, keeping his breathing slow and even. the covers come up, and jiaoqiu buries his face in his pillow to stop himself from smiling. he doesn't shift or roll over or anything, but if therion slides into the bed, jiaoqiu's tail flops over to settle on him. stay. it's okay to stay. ]
[ slowly, slowly, he settles in behind jiaoqiu, heart still thudding hard, staring for a minute at the back of his pink head. this is a stupid fucking idea. he feels like he's full of bees, internally jittering, like he might just leave anyway. it feels pathetic to do this for some reason, a nick to his pride where there shouldn't be one, but he's choosing this anyway.
and it is so, so warm under these covers. it is so much nicer than the rest of the night, than wandering back through the cold city to find his little not-a-house, to bundle up in the three blankets he has to sleep for a couple of scattered hours. it's warm and small and maybe it's something close to safe.
the tail sweeps over his legs, and after a long moment of quiet, after feeling his heart seize up for the third time at least, he tucks the blankets up to his nose, mulish and mortified and yet still staying, and mutters; ] I know you're still awake.
[ silence, for a moment, and then a huffy little laugh. he doesn't move his tail. ]
You could let me pretend.
[ he murmurs, not looking over his shoulder. he lets therion hide, and he hides a little himself. there's a part of him that wants to turn over and curl up right up against therion, but the other part screams no about it. it's so fragile, this. he has no idea how far he can even convince himself to go, let alone therion. so - it's just this. it's his tail over therion's legs, and inching back just a little bit to rest his back against therion's front.
for a minute, he thinks about offering to let therion fuck him to get the anxiety out, their usual, and that one part of him isn't exactly upset about the idea, but - he doesn't just yet. he just waits to see what therion will do. maybe just sharing a bed could... be nice. ]
[ there's a soft noise - a rumble that could almost be a laugh? rough in his chest, one note, one that escapes without his permission. it feels achingly intimate in this very quiet world, stilled by the cold outside and the late witching hour, hurts like pulling glass from a wound. hurts, but maybe it could be better for it.
he feels jiaoqiu move. inch by inch, he gets closer and closer, and though therion is still tense, tense, tense, he doesn't stop him. he doesn't lift his arms necessarily either, his hands curled tightly in the blankets, but he lets out a slow exhale, and his body curls slightly towards jiaoqiu when he comes closer. the tiniest bit of tacit acceptance. the tentative steps forward to the outstretched hand. ]
[ jiaoqiu stops inching back once they're touching, and eases down into the mattress. the warmth at his back actually almost instantly makes him sleepy, and he yawns, humming soft at the sound of therion's... laugh? was that a laugh? he liked that noise. ]
You are just so noisy. I couldn't help but react. [ this is a lie, therion was like a ghost climbing into his bed. he continues to keep his tail where it is. extra warmth, to entice him. he doesn't have to go back out into the cold. it's okay. ]
Go to sleep, little wolf. I'll follow your lead, and I'll try not to wake you.
[ it's been a while since he's had someone actually sleep with him. hopefully the nightmares won't be a problem. ]
[ yeah, okay, sure, he was noisy. if he wasn't feeling insanely like he was going to fly out of his skin, he might bite him for it, and he considers retaliation, but is cut off. again, with the nickname.
again, with the familiarity. again, with the being known. his mouth opens and closes on his sassy comeback. the urge to just destroy it and run, get the fuck away screams like a danger signal in the back of his mind, but it's a brief, bright blare of fear that settles into place, and it jitters out through his adrenaline, into his fingertips, into his chest, snaring like a snake through his ribcage before it finally loosens its grip. he's hypersensitive to the feeling of the tail on his legs, to the warmth of the heavy, comfortable blankets, the warmth of a body beside him.
he exhales out. ]
...You better not snore. [ he says, voice a quiet curl of smoke in the night. jiaoqiu is so warm, and it's been so long since he's slept beside someone else that he forgot how good it is. ]
[ he murmurs, with a little yawn. he doesn't try to touch any further, but he leaves himself open to it - he's been told he makes a good body pillow in the past, despite being a little bony.
and then - trusting that therion will stay, trusting that therion will hit him if he's too loud, trusting a lot of things - jiaoqiu starts to drift off, in a warm, comfortable bed. it's funny, actually. this might be the first night in ages that he doesn't have nightmares. ]
[ it's true, he would. he doesn't say anything else, and lets jiaoqiu settle back into place, silent, deep and deep in his own head.
it takes therion thirty minutes or so to fall asleep - thirty minutes of old memories, drifting back into similar nights before things were so wrong. burrowing closer to darius on snowy nights and the way he soaked in the human contact then, how the adrenaline of a good haul and teenage feelings would put a little smile on his face, when darius couldn't see.
those little smiles have been gone for years, now. the giddy, fluttery warmth he felt then is lost to him for the rest of his life. and it's better that way, as he tells himself so often. it's better to be an asshole, to shove people away from him. it's better to be alone.
but he finds himself here, tucked against jiaoqiu's back. and maybe even more unbelievably - he finds himself able to fall asleep. lightly so, awakening at every sound he doesn't recognize, but he manages to fall back asleep, snatching two or three hours of it. by the end of the night, he's curled up with jiaoqiu a little further, a single hand fisted in the back of his sleep shirt, his cheek tucked against his shoulder.
by the time that morning rolls around for real, light pulling through the curtains, therion is gone. but the blankets still smell like him, the spices are still in the cabinet, and now that he's not there to guard it, the fridge's contents of fresh rare produce await jiaoqiu's sight in the morning. ]
[ when jiaoqiu wakes up in the morning, he expects to be alone.
and he is, and it feels... well, it feels a way. he's sad. that's novel, though. he usually isn't sad, or bummed out, or anything. usually it's just nothing. he kind of marvels over that sadness as he makes himself breakfast, rubbing absently at his sternum like it'll ease the pain. still, though. it's not like all traces are gone. his blankets smell like therion, and his scent is still present in the apartment in general, which, in perhaps a stereotypically foxian way, jiaoqiu takes some measure of contentedness in. he remembers waking up once or twice in the middle of the night, feeling therion's fist curled up in his shirt, and falling asleep again immediately after. he was there. it wasn't a dream.
he feels more warm than usual, when he goes about his day. his tail wags absently behind him as he counts prescriptions, and sushang makes fun of him for it. for the first time during this night shift job, he wishes that he could see the sun instead.
he decides that he'll make something with the spices and the produce when he makes his way home. he'll leave some out, too. just in case. ]
[ the day that follows as therion slips out of jiaoqiu's apartment is a strange one. he's left with that buzzy, strange feeling and the need to do something about it, to forcibly and quickly remove himself the situation and feel something else, to throw himself into the seediest parts of the city where he walks like he owns the place and get into trouble. a stark reminder of the truth, that he does not need or want anyone else's company, that it only does him no good.
he pickpockets a borisin drug dealer in the midst of a major sting, slipping in and out of a tense, violent scene with heavier pockets and no echoes of his presence, and thinks nothing of it as his day carries on. he steals an apple from a stand at a local produce market and finds himself wanting for something sweeter to go with it, which leaves him irritated all over again. a nightcap at a shitty bar later, he's nursed a beer and is most of the way out of town, deep into the outskirts and heading for the bus station, when he's stopped.
and things start to go wrong from there. a couple of borisin come back for their stolen prize. therion doesn't move drugs - it's below him, which is a remark he should not have said out loud. he's good at dodging and avoiding getting hit, he's good at winning fights, but the sheer jacked bulk and the fact that he's cornered means that therion's as good as dead in this fight. only... that's the thing. he's therion. he's never been so good at staying dead.
beat to shit and exhausted, he can feel blood at the back of his mouth once again as he finally, finally manages to get away - manages to get the two idiots, clearly high on their own malice or certainly steroids, to get angry at each other instead and slip away in the chaos, taking off towards the next city until he knows he hasn't been followed. and upon reaching the edge of town, he drags himself into an alley as usual to see. a self investigation of his injuries reveals about what he's expecting - bruises, cuts and scrapes, but most distressingly, a dislocated shoulder caused by a bite from a pair of powerful jaws that dug deep into his flesh. fucking disgusting, but more importantly, bleeding a lot. it's not the kind of thing therion can easily take care of one handed, either. he could. he can, is the thing. with enough time, he could crouch down in the alley and steal more medical supplies and fix himself.
deja vu. he looks up at the halogen lights of the city quarter behind him, where he might be able to find what he needs. in front of him, the endless stretch of road to the next town over. open, but far away. moving under the cover of darkness, he could make it there and guarantee his safety, at least for a little while.
he thinks instead about a warm bed and a doctor's hands.
and for maybe the first time in his life, he makes a good choice. therion doesn't run out of the city. (it's likely what those two clowns are expecting of him, anyway.) he doesn't try to put himself together. for once in his life, he lets his feet drag him to the apartment he's gotten to know so well, makes absolutely sure no one followed him, and makes it up the fire escape one handed. it takes a lot of gritted teeth and effort, and by the time he reaches the fourth floor window, he doesn't have the strength to get in the way he usually does.
and so, he bangs his good shoulder into the window so it opens, and with a loud, unceremonious thud, slides inside and hits the ground directly on his ass under the sill, hissing through his teeth and throwing his head back as he does, enough to hit it against the wall.
jiaoqiu is home, by now. it's late, almost something you'd consider early morning instead of night, and he's puttering around trying to decide what he wants. he's a little tired. he's full - that's nice, he made something from the spices and produce and ate his fill, and still had leftovers. he leaves those in the fridge, because he hopes somehow the siren call of good food will bring him his nighttime visitor. but besides that, he thinks he might just go to sleep. he doesn't have much else to do.
or so he thinks. he's in the kitchen when he hears the fire escape creak, and he looks into his living room just in time to see his window get slammed open. it startles him enough to make his ears stand up, his tail poof -- and then he registers. he sees a small thief drop down to the ground against his wall, and his blood freezes. ]
-- Therion.
[ sharp, snapped, and... maybe a bit frightened. the jolt of terror that runs through him comes out strongly enough to end up in his voice as he drops whatever was in his hands - a bowl or something, it doesn't matter. he races across the living room in about four paces and drops down next to him, ears pinned back. ]
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jiaosune miqiu
still. it's nice, when it isn't that. when the days don't pass like he doesn't see them at all. he still leaves apples in his fridge, just in case.
jiaoqiu is a light sleeper. it was a habit he picked up during his time as a military healer, having to get up and go without warning. and besides that, he pretty often has nightmares, so it's not unusual for him to just never reach deep sleep at all. his hearing and sense of smell are excellent, and he's sensitive to the changes in his apartment - so therion is dead silent, but all it takes is the difference in air pressure as the fridge opens in the other room, and jiaoqiu's ear flicks as he wakes.
at first, he thinks he's being robbed. that's funny, to him. there's nothing worth stealing in his apartment. but then he catches the smell of something spicy, and a much more familiar scent. therion. he knows that anywhere, the creased leather, earthy, something warm like a campfire. and when he realizes, he sits up in his bed, and pushes the covers away.
it's quiet enough in his apartment that therion will likely hear the door to jiaoqiu's bedroom open, and see jiaoqiu in just a long shirt and no pants, tail swishing lightly behind him, peering at him with softly glowing gold eyes in the dark.
whatcha doing... ]
no subject
he hears it as he’s trying to figure out where the hell to put the produce - jiaoqiu’s fridge is vast compared to anything he’s ever had, and he’s trying to be sneaky- and the minuscule sound of the door opening sends him straightening up like an alert cat. if he had fur, it would all be standing on end as he freezes, still halfway in the fridge.
and - it’s not to say that he panics. he does not panic. he is a seasoned thief who has wriggled out of many situations, he does not panic, but he immediately freezes, holding incredibly still as he is faced with the reality of his choices that have led him to this moment. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He could just lie and gaslight him into thinking it’s a dream. he could just say he’s here to steal food and leave. But the thing is, he is still holding a stupid bunch of leafy greens, clearly visible in one hand.
There’s a long moment of silence. He slowly turns his head to look.
They lock eyes.
Fuck. ]
no subject
for a long moment, jiaoqiu just watches him, expression faintly amused. and then he steps forward out of his room and towards the kitchen, and stops in the doorway, leaning against it. his tail continues to swish back and forth, mischievous. ]
A fox awakes in the middle of the night to find a wolf in his kitchen. [ say it like a normal person, weirdo. ] Am I being robbed?
[ ... ]
Or perhaps reverse-robbed...
no subject
oh that stupid swaying tail spells trouble. the minute, no the SECOND that jiaoqiu comes closer, therion shoves the produce into the fridge and shuts the door hard, turning around to put himself bodily in front of it. thank fucking god its dark in this stupid apartment because his face is turning bright red, tan or otherwise.
boned. he's completely, totally caught. fools-bangle-on-the-wrist caught. he makes a face - a scowl, of course, because he doesn't have any good explanation or anything that isn't just even more mortifying so he scoffs, loudly. still guarding this fridge with his LIFE. ]
If I was robbing you, you'd have no idea.
[ HMPH!!!
jiaoqiu, being the kind of person he is, might not be able to see the stuff in the fridge. but what he can see is the bundles of small fragrant herbs that are still sitting on the counter. therion realizes this about three seconds too late. ]
no subject
jiaoqiu has this realization, and has to immediately shove it down where he can't see it. he watches therion slam the door shut, watches him act like he's about to be stabbed or made fun of, and like - yeah, jiaoqiu does want to make fun of him a little bit. and he will, but he's gathering an idea of what's going on here, and it makes his heart stutter-skip in his chest. a thief, bringing him spices. a cat bringing a mouse, hiding it for him to find later.
he stays leaning against the doorway, tail still going. ]
Then, what is it that you're doing? If you're not robbing me.
[ hehehe. ]
no subject
shut up! therion scowls even more, still absolutely plastered to the door as the flush on his face begins to get worse. there is absolutely no saving this, which therion is acutely aware of, but that does mean he will not hold onto the only shreds of his dignity he can actually hold onto in this stupid moment. his ears are so red. ]
Does it matter?
[ blustering, he turns his nose up but does not move away from the fridge. yes it matters he literally asked. ]
no subject
[ don't tease him about this help. he would never, and it's very clear.
jiaoqiu pushes himself off the doorway, and moves over to therion. or rather, he moves over to the fragrant herbs, which he picks up in one clawed hand. a beat, as he weighs them, tosses them up and down gently, and then glances at therion. ]
These are hard to come by. Did you find these for me?
[ does not let him wriggle out of this ]
no subject
Just happened to come by it. Didn't know what it was.
[ that is such a bad lie it is SO obvious he brought them here. ]
no subject
[ a pause. he puts the spices down, and then moves closer to therion - reaches out one hand, telegraphed as always. he makes sure that therion sees him resting a hand on the side of his face that isn't covered by hair, stroking his thumb against therion's cheek. ]
Thank you, Therion.
[ simply. lightly, casual, like it doesn't mean a whole lot to him. ]
no subject
see, it's the telegraphed movement - he is fully expecting... something else? he doesn't even know what, but its the way he lifts his hand into his vision and moves it so deliberately. therion doubts jiaoqiu even knows how bad his vision is in his bad eye, but it feels like such a purposeful gesture that it feels like being shocked, somewhere between delight and confusion and fear of being known.
he freezes, hand on his face - it's hot to the touch, he is clearly very embarrassed - but his mouth opens, and then closes, eyes wide and surprised at the simple, sincere... gratitude. it completely throws him off guard. his heart swells so hard he can't swallow around it.
there's a full beat.
and then the fluster takes fully and he shakes his head against the gesture, jittering away from it, scoffing as he tries to sidestep the enormous feeling of being known, in more ways than one. ]
-- Whatever. [ nyeh!! his sass dies because he has no actual comeback. ]
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but it isn't always present. like now, as therion blushes and flusters over being told bare minimum. the nothing disperses. the hum of the fridge rattles in his veins, therion's breathing is a touch harsher, and two floors down, there's a television playing something just out of his range. there is a need, here, he thinks. for him or for therion, he's not sure, but it's a need to make things better, to fix or to coax or something and it's been so very long since he's wanted to save anything that he latches onto it. a first step forward.
like he could pull a wolf's paw out of a bear trap. like he could pull his own out, too.
jiaoqiu lets out a huffy little laugh, and pulls his hand back gently. ]
Shall I leave you to restocking? [ tease, tease. ] I'll be going back to bed. You're welcome to join me when you're finished. Perhaps I can thank you properly.
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jiaoqiu throws him off guard, and it's terrifying. there is a need, and that's terrifying, too - when therion needs something, he just takes it. when therion wants something, it can become his. a greedy parasite who feeds off of others, staring into the face of a someone who is assembling themselves in front of what might be a void of nothing to steal. that's what makes it so scary. how does he handle kindness that is simply given?
the tease gets his shoulders to hunch and he gives jiaoqiu another glare as he pulls his hand back, and then shoves his own hands in his pockets, embarrassed as he ducks out of the way of him and gets some distance between them - distance, distance, he needs that. the touch feels like it left behind a brand. ]
Past your bedtime, isn't it, old man? [ the quip comes out like armor, deadpan, and he lets out a dry scoff, shaking his head. in the silence of the apartment and the silence of the frigid cold outside, his own words are quieter like maybe this could just be some kind of dream. ] I was just leaving.
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[ he answers, unfazed by the bite. another tail swish, and he lets therion scoot away, out of his reach. he will put the spices away... and then glance over his shoulder at him with a little smile. ]
You're welcome to whatever food is in there, as well as the shower, and my bed, should you want to. Otherwise, I'll see you... ah, when I see you, I suppose.
[ probably another month, which means his life is going to be on fast forward again, but it's fine. he waits a moment, like he wants to say something else, but then he shakes his head, and pads off towards his bedroom. for as much as he'd like to keep trying to coax, he knows that he can't push too hard. he can only leave an open hand out, and wait. ]
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therion opens his mouth and closes it, then makes a disgruntled, dismissive noise - brushing it off, like always. they've had this specific conversation before. months ago, now, where therion was injured and desperate, a wolf with his leg caught in a trap, indeed. maybe he's desperate, now.
jiaoqiu can likely feel therion's eyes on him the entire way back, just like then. then, he shakes his head to himself, gritting his teeth, resisting the urge to growl - stupid, stupid. stupid to get caught, stupid to let himself feel those emotions, stupid to let himself feel like any kind of attachment is a good idea. he berates himself internally as he makes his way to the window again. ignores the offer to shower, to stay, even to eat or steal snacks, too embarrassed and flustered and proud.
he reaches the windowframe, and pauses, hands on the handle - and it strikes him that the metal is cold.
it's frigid cold outside. the bitter chill of winter has been seeping in through his shitty, hole ridden shelter, lately. though he resists the cold well enough from years of stubbornness, from years of the streets, he pauses. because this room is warm. because this apartment, this place is warm. this bed, this person, this offer, they're warm and they're wanting - of him, for some deranged fucking reason. there's nothing to take because there's something to give.
he stands there, precipice of decision. precipice between the outside, between his lone wolf propensities, and the fox with the open door. between the safety of the life he lives at a distance, and the absolute terror of a warm house and home.
....
it's about ten minutes later, when silently, the door to jiaoqiu's bedroom opens. if he's asleep, that's all the better for it. therion is moving even more carefully now, trying to barely dislodge the door itself if it's closed as he opens it - if its open, he's as silent and still as a ghost, his heart pounding in his ears, as he gingerly lifts the covers, and moves to slide into the familiar bed beside him. ]
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he leaves himself open, too - he doesn't chase, and he doesn't let himself expect. instead, he curls back up in his bed, in the warm spot he left behind, and pulls his blankets back close. and he dozes, light, because he's always too afraid to let himself sleep too deeply. it's cold, and the nightmares come more easily when it is.
when he hears someone at the door, he's awake. but he pretends not to be, keeping his breathing slow and even. the covers come up, and jiaoqiu buries his face in his pillow to stop himself from smiling. he doesn't shift or roll over or anything, but if therion slides into the bed, jiaoqiu's tail flops over to settle on him. stay. it's okay to stay. ]
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and it is so, so warm under these covers. it is so much nicer than the rest of the night, than wandering back through the cold city to find his little not-a-house, to bundle up in the three blankets he has to sleep for a couple of scattered hours. it's warm and small and maybe it's something close to safe.
the tail sweeps over his legs, and after a long moment of quiet, after feeling his heart seize up for the third time at least, he tucks the blankets up to his nose, mulish and mortified and yet still staying, and mutters; ] I know you're still awake.
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You could let me pretend.
[ he murmurs, not looking over his shoulder. he lets therion hide, and he hides a little himself. there's a part of him that wants to turn over and curl up right up against therion, but the other part screams no about it. it's so fragile, this. he has no idea how far he can even convince himself to go, let alone therion. so - it's just this. it's his tail over therion's legs, and inching back just a little bit to rest his back against therion's front.
for a minute, he thinks about offering to let therion fuck him to get the anxiety out, their usual, and that one part of him isn't exactly upset about the idea, but - he doesn't just yet. he just waits to see what therion will do. maybe just sharing a bed could... be nice. ]
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he feels jiaoqiu move. inch by inch, he gets closer and closer, and though therion is still tense, tense, tense, he doesn't stop him. he doesn't lift his arms necessarily either, his hands curled tightly in the blankets, but he lets out a slow exhale, and his body curls slightly towards jiaoqiu when he comes closer. the tiniest bit of tacit acceptance. the tentative steps forward to the outstretched hand. ]
You could be less obvious about it. [ rude. ]
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You are just so noisy. I couldn't help but react. [ this is a lie, therion was like a ghost climbing into his bed. he continues to keep his tail where it is. extra warmth, to entice him. he doesn't have to go back out into the cold. it's okay. ]
Go to sleep, little wolf. I'll follow your lead, and I'll try not to wake you.
[ it's been a while since he's had someone actually sleep with him. hopefully the nightmares won't be a problem. ]
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again, with the familiarity. again, with the being known. his mouth opens and closes on his sassy comeback. the urge to just destroy it and run, get the fuck away screams like a danger signal in the back of his mind, but it's a brief, bright blare of fear that settles into place, and it jitters out through his adrenaline, into his fingertips, into his chest, snaring like a snake through his ribcage before it finally loosens its grip. he's hypersensitive to the feeling of the tail on his legs, to the warmth of the heavy, comfortable blankets, the warmth of a body beside him.
he exhales out. ]
...You better not snore. [ he says, voice a quiet curl of smoke in the night. jiaoqiu is so warm, and it's been so long since he's slept beside someone else that he forgot how good it is. ]
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[ he murmurs, with a little yawn. he doesn't try to touch any further, but he leaves himself open to it - he's been told he makes a good body pillow in the past, despite being a little bony.
and then - trusting that therion will stay, trusting that therion will hit him if he's too loud, trusting a lot of things - jiaoqiu starts to drift off, in a warm, comfortable bed. it's funny, actually. this might be the first night in ages that he doesn't have nightmares. ]
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it takes therion thirty minutes or so to fall asleep - thirty minutes of old memories, drifting back into similar nights before things were so wrong. burrowing closer to darius on snowy nights and the way he soaked in the human contact then, how the adrenaline of a good haul and teenage feelings would put a little smile on his face, when darius couldn't see.
those little smiles have been gone for years, now. the giddy, fluttery warmth he felt then is lost to him for the rest of his life. and it's better that way, as he tells himself so often. it's better to be an asshole, to shove people away from him. it's better to be alone.
but he finds himself here, tucked against jiaoqiu's back. and maybe even more unbelievably - he finds himself able to fall asleep. lightly so, awakening at every sound he doesn't recognize, but he manages to fall back asleep, snatching two or three hours of it. by the end of the night, he's curled up with jiaoqiu a little further, a single hand fisted in the back of his sleep shirt, his cheek tucked against his shoulder.
by the time that morning rolls around for real, light pulling through the curtains, therion is gone. but the blankets still smell like him, the spices are still in the cabinet, and now that he's not there to guard it, the fridge's contents of fresh rare produce await jiaoqiu's sight in the morning. ]
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and he is, and it feels... well, it feels a way. he's sad. that's novel, though. he usually isn't sad, or bummed out, or anything. usually it's just nothing. he kind of marvels over that sadness as he makes himself breakfast, rubbing absently at his sternum like it'll ease the pain. still, though. it's not like all traces are gone. his blankets smell like therion, and his scent is still present in the apartment in general, which, in perhaps a stereotypically foxian way, jiaoqiu takes some measure of contentedness in. he remembers waking up once or twice in the middle of the night, feeling therion's fist curled up in his shirt, and falling asleep again immediately after. he was there. it wasn't a dream.
he feels more warm than usual, when he goes about his day. his tail wags absently behind him as he counts prescriptions, and sushang makes fun of him for it. for the first time during this night shift job, he wishes that he could see the sun instead.
he decides that he'll make something with the spices and the produce when he makes his way home. he'll leave some out, too. just in case. ]
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he pickpockets a borisin drug dealer in the midst of a major sting, slipping in and out of a tense, violent scene with heavier pockets and no echoes of his presence, and thinks nothing of it as his day carries on. he steals an apple from a stand at a local produce market and finds himself wanting for something sweeter to go with it, which leaves him irritated all over again. a nightcap at a shitty bar later, he's nursed a beer and is most of the way out of town, deep into the outskirts and heading for the bus station, when he's stopped.
and things start to go wrong from there. a couple of borisin come back for their stolen prize. therion doesn't move drugs - it's below him, which is a remark he should not have said out loud. he's good at dodging and avoiding getting hit, he's good at winning fights, but the sheer jacked bulk and the fact that he's cornered means that therion's as good as dead in this fight. only... that's the thing. he's therion. he's never been so good at staying dead.
beat to shit and exhausted, he can feel blood at the back of his mouth once again as he finally, finally manages to get away - manages to get the two idiots, clearly high on their own malice or certainly steroids, to get angry at each other instead and slip away in the chaos, taking off towards the next city until he knows he hasn't been followed. and upon reaching the edge of town, he drags himself into an alley as usual to see. a self investigation of his injuries reveals about what he's expecting - bruises, cuts and scrapes, but most distressingly, a dislocated shoulder caused by a bite from a pair of powerful jaws that dug deep into his flesh. fucking disgusting, but more importantly, bleeding a lot. it's not the kind of thing therion can easily take care of one handed, either. he could. he can, is the thing. with enough time, he could crouch down in the alley and steal more medical supplies and fix himself.
deja vu. he looks up at the halogen lights of the city quarter behind him, where he might be able to find what he needs. in front of him, the endless stretch of road to the next town over. open, but far away. moving under the cover of darkness, he could make it there and guarantee his safety, at least for a little while.
he thinks instead about a warm bed and a doctor's hands.
and for maybe the first time in his life, he makes a good choice. therion doesn't run out of the city. (it's likely what those two clowns are expecting of him, anyway.) he doesn't try to put himself together. for once in his life, he lets his feet drag him to the apartment he's gotten to know so well, makes absolutely sure no one followed him, and makes it up the fire escape one handed. it takes a lot of gritted teeth and effort, and by the time he reaches the fourth floor window, he doesn't have the strength to get in the way he usually does.
and so, he bangs his good shoulder into the window so it opens, and with a loud, unceremonious thud, slides inside and hits the ground directly on his ass under the sill, hissing through his teeth and throwing his head back as he does, enough to hit it against the wall.
surprise! two days in a row! ]
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jiaoqiu is home, by now. it's late, almost something you'd consider early morning instead of night, and he's puttering around trying to decide what he wants. he's a little tired. he's full - that's nice, he made something from the spices and produce and ate his fill, and still had leftovers. he leaves those in the fridge, because he hopes somehow the siren call of good food will bring him his nighttime visitor. but besides that, he thinks he might just go to sleep. he doesn't have much else to do.
or so he thinks. he's in the kitchen when he hears the fire escape creak, and he looks into his living room just in time to see his window get slammed open. it startles him enough to make his ears stand up, his tail poof -- and then he registers. he sees a small thief drop down to the ground against his wall, and his blood freezes. ]
-- Therion.
[ sharp, snapped, and... maybe a bit frightened. the jolt of terror that runs through him comes out strongly enough to end up in his voice as he drops whatever was in his hands - a bowl or something, it doesn't matter. he races across the living room in about four paces and drops down next to him, ears pinned back. ]
What - what happened?
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